


Love is Never Wrong

by HosiePublisher



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: And Josie doesn't, Angst, F/F, Fluff, High School AU, Homophobia, Hope have a twin, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, Lizzie is older than Josie, Popular Girl Josie, Religious Hope, Strangers to Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 57,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27275491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HosiePublisher/pseuds/HosiePublisher
Summary: Everything’s great for Josette Saltzman, the most popular girl in grade nine.That is, until she meets Hope Mikaelson.Hope is a reclusive artist, a loner who wears black makeup, black lipstick, thick eyeliner, you get the idea, and doesn’t have any friends, but for some reason, Josie can’t stop thinking about her.Hope isn’t used to people looking her way, especially popular girls like Josette Saltzman. Scared, religious, and unsure of herself, when Hope begins to realize that her feelings for Josie might go beyond friendship, she is afraid to take the plunge and tell Josie how she feels.Emotions build between these young women until they both reach their breaking points, and they need to make a choice about coming to terms with who they really are, and what they can and cannot live without.
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson & Josie Saltzman, Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman, Josie Saltzman & Lizzie Saltzman, Lizzie Saltzman/Sebastian
Comments: 68
Kudos: 235





	1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Josie barreled down the stairs, looking for her red Tommy Hilfiger T-shirt. In her hurry, she crashed into her sister. 

“Watch where you’re going, klutz,” Lizzie said. She looked at Josie and seemed to take in how distressed she was, because her voice softened. “Hey, I’m just teasing, Jo. You okay?” 

Thank God she had Lizzie to guide her through the first day of high school. Beyond being the most popular girl in school, she was also an adolescent anomaly. She actually liked Josie and wasn’t afraid to be nice to her, even in public. Sure, there had been a few years when they didn’t get along, but that was when they were younger and their interactions involved a lot of hair pulling and Barbie doll beheadings. They’d mellowed out since then. 

Josie and Lizzie weren’t just sisters anymore; they were also close friends. Some of her friends had already been warned not to talk to their older siblings in the hallways at school. Lizzie, on the other hand, was excited for them to hang out together. Since she was seventeen and a senior, Lizzie could even drive them there, without parental supervision and all. 

“I’m just nervous,” Josie said. 

“You have nothing to worry about.” Lizzie put a hand on her shoulder and walked the rest of the way down the stairs with her. “You already know me, and to be honest, that’s all you need to know.” She spoke with a confidence that Josie—for all of her own popularity—had often tried to emulate but was never quite able to match. 

“Just stick to what I told you and you’ll rule the school.” She gave her shoulder a squeeze and headed back up the stairs. “By the way, I’m borrowing your Tommy T-shirt,” she called over her shoulder. Josie groaned. 

Okay, this wasn’t such a big deal. Lizzie was right. With her advice, Josie had easily taken over the reign of the popular crowd in middle school—Lizzie’s constant visits to the campus hadn’t hurt—and if she just kept up with Lizzie’s instructions, the torch of the high school in-crowd would be passed from her to Josie as well. Still, Josie had her doubts. 

High school was a lot bigger than middle school, with almost five times more students. That was a lot more kids to impress, and a lot more people to convince she had it all together and that whatever she said should go. She was starting with a ton of people who wouldn’t know her, so how could everyone be expected to fall in line and follow the leader? Watching movies about high school hadn’t helped. Sure, the groups were almost always the same across the board, but the tenuous reign was presented as something that could easily be lost by one big mistake. If she did something stupid enough, not even Lizzie would be able to save her.

Unlike Lizzie, she wasn’t a born leader. It might have something to do with the fact that she had, in essence, been following her sister her entire life. High school wasn’t likely to be any different. With both their parents working long hours, Lizzie had pretty much taken Josie’s social education upon herself. 

Lizzie had shown her many things that only popular kids seemed to know at her age, like how to smoke a cigarette without coughing. She was even getting the inhaling down pretty good. She’d smoked a joint, and Lizzie had already gotten her drunk a half dozen times. Lizzie had also given Josie almost free-run of her closet, and had even convinced their parents that she was old enough to start wearing makeup. The more Josie thought about it, the more it seemed like she had the best big sister in the world. 

“I’ll show you who not to talk to as soon as we get there.” Lizzie returned wearing Josie’s T-shirt. As she took in Josie’s oversized pajama shirt, her eyes narrowed. “Oh-my-God-get-dressed!” She blurted out the sentence as one word. “We have to leave in like five minutes if I’m going to show you all the loser hangouts to avoid,” she said with urgency and exasperation, as if she were going to teach her which wire to cut on a time bomb. 

Josie hurried up the stairs and rushed to get ready. She quickly chose between her navy blue and the black bra—the black one gave her more confidence for some reason—and decided on a charcoal grey V-neck that was pretty tight on her, but she liked how it hugged her flat stomach and showed off the curves of her chest. After pulling the T-shirt over her head, she hauled her long, light brown ringlets out of the neck and set them to the front of her shoulders as Lizzie had taught her. 

Her sister had woken up extra early that morning to give Josie the long, loose twists with her curling wand, but warned her that this would not be an everyday event. She said that she was welcome to borrow it and work the curls in on her own, but that getting up at 6:30 a.m. was not going to happen again that semester.  
Pleased with the light touch of gold eye shadow and black mascara that made her brown eyes pop, Josie grabbed her favorite black hoodie and ran down the stairs before Lizzie could change her mind about waiting for her. 

“Lose it.” Her sister pointed at the sweatshirt as soon as she appeared. 

“But it’s fall. It’s getting cold outside,” Josie whined. 

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “Don’t let anything happen to this or I’ll kill you.” 

Josie watched wide-eyed as Lizzie took off her brown leather jacket and handed it to her. She was speechless. This jacket was Lizzie’s prized piece of clothing, the one she wore when she wanted to drive boys crazy or convince the poor sap at the liquor store that she was nineteen and really had forgotten her ID at home. 

Josie wanted to tell her that she couldn’t take it, that it was too special. Then she remembered that they were talking about a worn-in leather jacket and she felt silly.  
“Just put it on and don’t ever say I’m not a kickass sister.” Lizzie thrust the jacket at her. 

Josie did as she was told before swinging her black messenger bag over her shoulder. Lizzie had told her that backpacks were so minor-niner. 

Lizzie looked her over. “Ready?” 

She nodded as Lizzie grabbed another jacket, and then they headed out the door. Their mom and dad had already left for work, and Lizzie was careful, as always, to lock up and test the door before they left. 

The ride went all too quickly. Before she was ready, her new school came into sight and that nervous feeling came back. 

It was excitement. It was the unknown. It was giving Josie a stomachache. The sky shined with blue, and she couldn’t see a cloud on the horizon, making the September morning somewhat less foreboding as they turned onto the street in front of the school. 

She’d told her best friend, Dana, and their other friends, Olivia and Alyssa, that she would meet them by the middle doors. Lizzie had vouched that this was where her group usually met. 

“That’s the ravine where the stoners hang out.” Lizzie pointed to the wooded area just beyond the school grounds. “It’s fine to smoke their weed, but don’t talk to them in the halls and, for God’s sake, don’t even think about dating one. That’s the parking lot where the seniors wait for niners and then throw them down the hill. Never go there unless escorted by one of us,” she said seriously. 

“You’ll be fine once they realize who you are, but avoid it for now. Hippies…goths…keeners.” She kept pointing out the groups as they drove along. “Finally, fresh meat.”  
As she looked at the boys and girls her own age, that uncertainty began to wiggle in her tummy again. They stood awkwardly hiking their backpacks up and looking around for new friends or old ones, and Josie was happier than ever that she had her big sister with her that morning. 

“This is going to be such an awesome year.” Lizzie pulled her car into the parking space right in front of the school, directly across from where Marga and Kynne, Lizzie’s friends, were already waiting. 

“Great spot. I can’t believe it was open.” Josie unbuckled her seatbelt, and Lizzie laughed. 

“It’s open because it’s my spot.” She shook her head, and her beautiful blonde hair swayed in front of her face. 

Josie hoped hers looked the same when she moved her head like that. “What do you mean?” It wasn’t like they were in the school parking lot. It was a parallel parking space across the street, in front of one of the neighborhood houses. 

“Oh, Jo, so much to learn,” Lizzie teased. She put her arm around her as they crossed the street to meet Kynne and Marga. “Just make sure you don’t let that pesky education push out any of the important things I teach you,” Lizzie whispered to her just before they reached her friends. 

“Hey, bitches.” Lizzie removed her arm from around Josie’s shoulder so that she could hug her friends hello. 

“Hey, Josie.” Marga surprised her by pulling her into a hug. Kynne did the same. 

“Hey,” she responded, trying to look cool about it. Some of the niners watched, clearly envious. 

When Dana, Olivia, and Alyssa walked up, Josie felt like she was back in her element, and they giddily ran over to hug her as if they hadn’t seen each other in years. Marga, Kynne, and Lizzie easily opened the circle for her friends. 

Lizzie might be right; this was going to be an awesome year. 

***********

Josie’s homeroom class was English, and if anything, it seemed the most palatable option first thing in the morning. Alyssa and Olivia had to start out with pool. Looking like a drowned rat wasn’t the best way to begin a high school career, and she knew from Lizzie’s horror stories that there wasn’t enough time for them to shower, change, do their hair, and put makeup back on before the next class. Something on that list inevitably suffered. 

Josie arrived just before the bell sounded and was forced to take one of the seats in the front row. Her homeroom teacher was on the younger side and had her dark-brown hair in a cute bob. She wore a white blouse with a maroon skirt and wasted no time in giving them their reading list for the first semester. 

“Welcome to your homeroom and my ninth grade English course. My name is Ms. Emma Tig. To do well in my class, all you have to do is try.” 

Ms. Tig walked through the aisles. When she returned to write something on the whiteboard Josie noticed that her bra straps were somewhat visible through her tight, white blouse. It was an odd thing for her to notice, and she worried that people might be able to see her bra straps through her shirt as well. 

Own it. Lizzie’s words went through her head. Wearing a real bra and a thong was not supposed to make her squeamish. It was supposed to be hot, and it was supposed to drive boys crazy. 

“As long as you are trying in this class,” Ms. Tig continued, “you cannot fail.” 

Josie decided that she liked Ms. Tig. As she went through the attendance list, Josie turned to check out some of the students as their names were called. The twisting grew old, so she looked forward and waited for her own name. “Josette Saltzman?” Ms. Tig called. 

“Yes. Though actually, I prefer to be called Josie.” She gave a slight hand raise to acknowledge her presence. 

“Oh.” Ms. Tig looked over her paper and made a note. “Okay, thank you, Josie.” 

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the boy sitting to her right—Jason, maybe—smiling at her. She returned it and looked back at the teacher. A boy smiling at her was nothing new, but Jason was cute. Lizzie would approve of his stylishly gelled hair and designer jeans. 

Her sister had handpicked the two boyfriends Josie had in middle school, and told her to get rid of Connor that summer as there would be a much higher caliber of boys waiting for her in high school. If she wanted, she could probably even get an eleventh grader to look her way. 

Lizzie was especially proud of that part. Dropping Connor was easy as she’d never cared for him in the first place. His lips felt thin and hard, and she always thought kissing an iguana would feel about the same. She had only done it a few times, but it was enough to turn her off for good. Mark, the tragedy that had come before Connor, kissed by swallowing her entire mouth in his big lips. He had been easily dismissed as well. 

Since she was popular, she had her pick of the guys, and as soon as she let one drop, she decided if he should remain cool or not. No one ever questioned her, because her friends didn’t feel they had the right to ask. The only person she’d ever had to explain herself to was Lizzie, and as Lizzie was making most of her decisions for her, that hadn’t been a problem so far. 

“Hope Mikaelson?” Ms. Tig looked around the class for a response. 

“Loser!” was coughed out of the side of someone’s mouth. A few people laughed. 

Josie had never heard the name before, so she assumed she went to the other middle school, along with the kids who laughed at her. 

“Who said that?” Ms. Tig looked for the culprit. Josie looked around too, but several people sported the same guilty smile. 

Ms. Tig cleared her throat. “Hope Mikaelson?” she said again. 

Three seats behind her, a hand tentatively shot up and back down hastily. Ms. Tig nodded and moved on quickly, as if to save the girl further embarrassment. 

Josie craned her neck around to see the girl, but her face was hidden. All she could make out from her seat was a black canvas backpack with patches ironed onto it, a pair of worn-in sneakers with the laces undone and hanging loose, and a pair of pale, ripped jeans. 

She returned her attention to the front of the class. Ms. Tig set her attendance sheet on her desk. 

“Now, if the first person in every row would come grab the books for the rest of your row and pass them back, we can get started on our first book this year.” 

Josie grabbed seven copies of To Kill a Mockingbird, took the best looking one for herself, and passed the rest to the girl behind her. She began to flip through the pages for something to do, but it wasn’t necessary. She’d already read this book several times. It was a great way to start the year since she would ace the assignments on it. 

Ms. Tig must have seen her grin, because she approached with a knowing smile of her own. “Any comments, Josie?” 

She nodded. “It’s my dad and mine’s favorite book.” 

“Is She your favorite writer then?” the guy who might have been named Jason asked. 

Before she could answer, she heard a snicker and a soft “trying hard” come from a few rows back. She was sure the voice belonged to Black Backpack and Ripped Jeans.

I smiled “Yes, She is.” 

The conversation ended there as the bell sounded. It was time to move from their homeroom and to the next period. Soon it would all be routine. 

*************

Josie’s second class was math, which she hated, followed by geography. 

At the beginning of lunch, she took a quick minute to find the locker she’d been too busy smoking to find before class that morning. Thankfully, it was on the first floor. She dropped off the heavy math and geography textbooks, but kept To Kill a Mockingbird in her bag. It was comforting to have it with her. 

As she was positioning the new mirror on the inside door of her locker, a pair of worn-out, untied running shoes appeared in the reflection, along with pale jeans that were worn through where the heels scuffed the ground. 

Josie turned. 

The owner of the locker opposite hers was a girl with mid-back length, jagged-cut auburn hair, the tips dyed purple. A black canvas backpack with patches rested on the floor at her feet. The girl didn’t have a mirror in her locker, so she couldn’t see Josie unless she turned around. 

'Turn around'. Josie needed to see her. 

Why had this person been labelled a loser before the end of first period on the first day of high school? Popularity was such a capricious friend, and she felt bad for those who didn’t have it. 

To her surprise, Maybe-Jason walked up and gave the girl a big hug. 

Hadn’t she called him a trying hard in class? 

When they embraced, his face blocked the girl’s, and Josie found herself straining to see more than wisps of the auburn and purple hair that fanned over Jason’s black peacoat. 

“Who’s got your attention?” Dana’s voice pulled Josie’s stare from across the hall. “He’s hot,” she said appreciatively. 

Jason disengaged from the grungy looking girl, who now frustratingly had her head ducked in her canvas knapsack. 

“Yeah,” Josie agreed. “He sits next to me in homeroom.” 

“Lucky.” Dana hit her arm playfully. “Why’s he friends with that loser?” she asked, disdain in her voice. 

The comment didn’t surprise her. They could judge a person fifty feet away based on how she dressed, her hairstyle, her countenance. “Maybe he copies her homework.” 

She shrugged and linked her arm through Dana’s. “Let’s go have a smoke so we can eat. I’m starving.” 

After their obligatory look-at-us-standing-outside-and-smoking-right-on-school-property cigarette and some brief conversations with some popular boys that they knew from their last school, Josie, Dana, Olivia, and Alyssa went to the cafeteria. 

Only losers brought bagged lunches from home—it had been the same in middle school—so they lined up for spicy fries with gravy on the agreement that they would split two orders between the four of them. Alyssa and Olivia reeked of chlorine, but their damp hair appeared to have product in it and their makeup was done, so it was obvious that the shower had lost out in the war for time management after pool. 

“At least it’s only for one semester,” Dana said sympathetically, but sent a sly smile in Josie’s way. 

When she finished her last fry, Josie was still starving, but it had taken her six months to lose the weight that she’d put on at summer camp after sixth grade. Luckily, she’d gotten rid of it before the real stakes of popularity began, and if anyone remembered that she’d had a not-so-perfect body at one time, they sure as hell kept it to themselves. 

Still, she didn’t want that tummy or extra weight around her face and sides ever again. “I have to pee,” she announced, and the other three clambered up quickly to go with her. It was nice being the leader. The others spent their time putting on lip gloss, making mirror-faces, and adjusting their hair and shirts while she used the toilet. 

They were the only four in the washroom until she heard the door open and the squeak of shoes walking toward the stalls. Her friends stopped talking for a few seconds, but as soon as a stall door closed, they began again. 

“Oh my God, can you believe what she’s wearing?” Dana said with a snigger, as if the stalls weren’t sixty percent open air. 

Josie ducked her head down a little and looked over. An unexpected feeling of dread came over her when she saw those worn-in sneakers and a black canvas bag on the floor. 

“Like, dress for the gutter much?” Olivia said, and they laughed. 

Josie flushed the toilet and zipped her jeans as quickly as she could. She didn’t want the girl to see her with them. For the first time, Josie was embarrassed of her friends. 

As she washed her hands quickly, Dana leaned in close. “You should ask Drusilla if that hottie’s single.” She motioned her head toward the stall. 

Josie was irritated. Not only had Dana already decided that she was interested in Could-Be-Jason, but she was being mean to someone they’d never even met. 

“Let’s just go.” As usual, no one argued. They made their way outside to meet up with Lizzie and her friends to have a cigarette before afternoon classes. After learning how to smoke, Josie had promptly shown Dana, Olivia, and Alyssa. The four of them were now pros. 

Lizzie excitedly introduced Josie as her little sister to a few girls, but when it came to the guys, she gave them a warning. “She’s only a niner, which means hands off, no matter what this little minx tells you.” 

Lizzie made her sound boy crazy, but Josie supposed she had done some work toward that reputation. After she’d dropped Connor on Lizzie’s orders—to Josie’s relief—she had made out with three other guys over the summer. 

It was only kissing, and she didn’t consider it even second base because their hands always stayed over her clothing. She had been trying to make a name for herself with them, and the fact that she could dispose of them so easily after made the whole thing a game to her. Lizzie had told her what high school guys expected based on their age, and she didn’t want to enter this world looking like a prude. 

If she had some experience under her belt and if multiple people could vouch for it, then maybe she wouldn’t have to hit those milestones with high school boys until she was ready. It felt okay when she was drinking, mostly because, at that point, it didn’t feel like anything. Whenever they started to put their hands on her though, she had to resist the urge to completely freak out. 

So far, she had blamed her squeamishness and sudden disappearances at parties on rum, her period, and bad shrimp. The truth was, deep down, when she was with them, she wanted to be anywhere else. The way the others talked about making out with guys, it sounded like the greatest thing in the entire world. Their eyes held that excitement, that look of electricity she had never quite been able to muster when talking about guys, no matter how hard she tried. 

When the bell rang, they put out their cigarettes and headed to class. Unfortunately for Josie, she didn’t notice the P before the room number for her first afternoon class. By the time she realized she was in the wrong room, thanks to an irrationally annoyed teacher, she was already late. 

Portable 118 was outside by the track. As she hurried to find the right one, rounding the corners and weaving through the rows of one-room buildings, she ran headfirst into a wall. A person-shaped wall. A girl-person-shaped wall. 

Josie knocked the girl flat on her back, and then landed on top of her with an inelegant grunt. The girl cried out when her head hit the pavement, and again when Josie dug into her stomach as she tried to right herself. 

Somewhere between trying to get up and knocking the breath out of the poor girl, Josie looked into her eyes. They were angry and the fiercest shade of blue she had ever seen. Josie, captivated, stopped struggling and stared. 

The girl’s skin was pale, and when she winced, her beautiful brows furrow. Her hair, disheveled and sticking out around her head, was light auburn—natural by the look of it—with the tips dyed lilac. She was face-to-face with Hope Mikaelson. 

“Uh, can you get off of me?” Josie flushed. 

“Sorry.” She rolled away and stood. In an uncharacteristically chivalrous gesture, she rushed to offer Hope her hand. 

By the time Josie made it to her feet, however, Hope was already standing and wiping bits of gravel and rock off of her jeans and picking them out of the palms of her hands. 

“Are you hurt?” Josie asked. 

“No,” she answered bitterly, then almost reluctantly added, “are you?” 

“No.” Josie shook her head. She didn’t like that Hope seemed so pissed at her. She apologized again. 

“I didn’t mean to do that.” 

“It’s okay,” she said, and some of her anger seemed to dissipate. “Just watch where you’re going with those things.” She nodded to Josie’s legs, and the shadow of a smirk flickered across her lips. She wore black lipstick to match her thick, dark eyeliner and mascara. 

Now, Josie understood why Dana had referred to her as Drusilla, but it irked her that it was meant as an insult. So, she wore black makeup. Did that really make her a freak? Of course the answer was yes, but Josie told herself that it wasn’t. 

“Oh, yeah.” Josie laughed lamely and rubbed her hand on the back of her head. It was something she did when she was nervous. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe you should see the nurse?” 

“I don’t need a nurse.” Josie blushed. “I’ve got to get to class.” She turned abruptly and continued on to the portable. Finally, she found it, stepped inside, and reached behind her to close the door. It caught on something, and when Josie looked behind her to see what was wrong, Hope was standing there. Great. 

“You’re late,” the teacher called from the front. He pointed at two seats in the back of the class by the corner. 

Josie frowned. The only two open desks were right next to a group of geeks. She took the corner, forcing Hope to sit next to the losers. Josie wasn’t sure sitting next to Hope was any more bearable after the ass-hat she’d made of herself outside. 

The teacher resumed the class, Introduction to Law, and dropped two heavy textbooks on their desks. 

Josie leaned down into her bag to pull out a pencil and notebook. A musky, sweet scent came from Hope, like vanilla incense. 

After a few minutes, Josie grew bored of her introduction to law, and glanced at Hope. She was doodling in the spine of her notebook. Without overthinking what she was doing, she wrote a note before she lost her nerve. 

'Sorry again. I’m Josie'. She slowly ripped the page from her notebook and handed it to the girl with a small nudge. 

They were at the back, and the teacher was facing the whiteboard, so she didn’t bother with all the folding and furtiveness that usually accompanied note-passing in class.  
When the girl didn’t reach for the paper, Josie dropped it on her desk. The girl put her pencil in her mouth, looked at the note, then looked back at what the teacher was writing on the board. She ignored Josie. 

Josie sighed, annoyed, and the girl finally looked down at the note. Her gaze slowly met Josie’s, who nodded in encouragement and looked away again quickly. In a movement that was torturously slow, Hope studied the note. After what seemed like ages, she wrote something but didn’t pass it to her. Instead, she nodded her head to the paper, as if signaling that Josie could take it back now. She wasn’t even going to meet her halfway. 

Curiosity beating out pride, Josie leaned over and grabbed the note. 

'I’m Hope. Your friends are bitches.' 

Josie couldn’t believe what she read. A large part of her wanted to shout “Do you know who I am?” Another part was embarrassed by what her friends had said about Sarah in the bathroom. How had she known that she’d been in there with them? 

'How do you know who my friends are?' 

She dropped the note on Hope’s desk again. The response came quicker this time, and she grabbed for it. 

'I saw you with them at lunch. We have English together'. 

Of course, Josie already knew they had English together, just like she already knew her name was Hope Mikaelson. How could Hope have seen her with her friends when Josie hadn’t even been able to get a glimpse of her face? 

'How do you know Jason?' 

Hope’s response came quickly this time, and she actually handed it to her. 

'Who?' 

Okay, so maybe his name wasn’t Jason. 

'The guy who sits next to me in English'. 

'If you like my brother, you should learn his name. It’s Jacob.' 

Jason—no, Jacob—was her brother? Something about that just seemed wrong. Josie didn’t like him the way Hope thought she did. Not that she planned to tell Hope that. 

'What school did you go to before? I haven’t seen either of you around'. 

'Our Lady of Worship. My elbows hurt. You hit hard for a girl'. 

Josie smirked and her face flushed with heat. 

'I’m sorry about your elbows. The Amazons around here should really look where they’re going. It’s all fun and games until someone takes someone’s elbows out behind a portable'. 

Josie wanted to write more but couldn’t think of anything witty, and thought she’d better leave it at one lame joke before completely humiliating herself. 

Hope scribbled a response, and Josie could feel her watching out of the corner of her eye as she read it. 

'It wasn’t all bad. I think you rearranged my spleen. It’s happier now. It’s been getting into it with my liver lately. You can fall on me anytime.' 

Josie let her hair fall over her face to hide the flush in her cheeks, but she was smiling at the same time. Hope had a decent sense of humor. Even though Josie wasn’t used to being teased, she didn’t mind hope doing it. In fact, she wished it could continue, but class would be over soon. Josie wanted to get one more line in. 

'Cool. Well if you see me around, you can say hi.' 

Josie watched with anticipation as Hope wrote back and dropped her response on her desk when the bell rang. 

Hope left, a bit rushed, before she read the note. 

'Thanks, Your Highness'. 

If she had been blushing before, her face was on fire now. Who did Josie think she was? Hope didn’t know her, and she expected her to be flattered because Josie said she could say hi. I’m such an ass.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're both a little gay for each other. Enjoy!!

Hope hated school. 

She hated the students and she hated the classes. 

Academically, she did well enough, but she didn’t see why this school or this class should be any different than those in her past. Besides, this one was even worse, because Josette Saltzman was in it. 

What was it about girls like Josie that made them popular? How did everyone just know, as if born with the understanding, who was cool and who wasn’t? Whatever it was, for the first time, Hope felt it. She felt herself being pulled toward Josie. 

Did she have that effect on everybody? Was that the reason she had somehow already become the most popular girl in their grade? Was it the way Josie’s long hair fell in beautiful, lustrous twists, where Hope’s was only a mid-back-length, volume-less straight cut? 

Josie sat with her back straight and her clothing hugged her in all the right places, forming perfect creases across her stomach and back. If she had even an inch of fat on her, she wouldn’t be able to pull that off. Although Hope wasn’t big, she wasn’t skinny like Josie. She usually bought her clothes that were baggier and fit loosely, draping over her slightly hunched shoulders, which her mother told her was an indication of her lack of confidence. 

“And who can tell me why the townspeople of Maycomb were so quick to condemn Tom Robinson?” Ms. Tig walked between the rows of desks. It was something she did often during class. When no one answered, she paused by the front and leaned on her own, larger desk. “Is there something symbolic in Jem and Scout’s treatment of Boo Radley, and the way the town treats Tom?” Ms. Tig scanned the room, and Hope’s stomach dropped when she stopped at her. 

“Hope, can you tell me the answer?” 

“I-I-I…” she stuttered. Please, not now. 

She knew the answer, but why did Ms. Tig have to call on her? She was so self-conscious that she didn’t talk in class unless she had to because of her stutter, which had been ubiquitous since it started in the second grade, when the school separated her and Jacob. They put them in different classes to aid their social development. Yeah, right. What a joke that had been. Taking Jacob away had left her exposed, and with her shyness, her speech got worse. 

“Try again,” Ms. Tig said. It was supposed to be encouraging, but it wasn’t. Why couldn’t she just move on to someone else? 

“They’re m-mocking birds.” 

“What does she m-m-mean?” the boy behind her mimicked her stutter, and Hope bowed her head. 

“Out of my class.” Hope looked up sharply at Ms. Tig. She was pointing the student in the direction of the door. 

This was new. At her old school, even the teachers had managed to earn Hope’s ire by repeatedly failing to stick up for her when she was being bullied. She had expected no different here. High school was kakistocracy at its worst, and mob mentality at its height. Being caged inside one building with hundreds of sociopaths, she thought the teachers would more than likely be just the same as the students. No one had ever thrown a student out of class for making fun of her before. 

“That’s excellent, Hope.” Ms. Tig pushed off her desk, seeming more at ease now that the boy had left the room. That made two of them. “And what do you mean   
when you say that they are mockingbirds of the story?” 

This was also new. Her teachers usually thought she was a slow learner because of her stutter, her inability to express herself, and as a kid, she’d even been put in the special class. It wasn’t until Ms. Martineau actually paid attention to her work in the second grade and realized that Hope was expressing herself, just not verbally, that the school board realized she was in the wrong class. 

Her parents, ashamed that their daughter had special needs, had prayed for her to get better, and in their opinion, that made all the difference. “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away,” her father, Klaus, quoted, thanking the Lord in this case for giveth-ing. Unfortunately, the good Lord’s graces seemed to stop there. She’d prayed for years for the bullying to stop. She’d prayed to God to straighten out her tongue and rid her of her stutter, but God wasn’t listening. With the encouragement of Ms. Martineau, Hope excelled at art, and by the time they began written assignments, Hope was making straight As. After some testing, they moved her to the gifted program. Most of her teachers didn’t take the time to learn that about her though. They just passed over her like she wasn’t even there, and for the most part, she had gotten used to it. 

“I think she means that they’re mockingbirds because they are good, innocent people who the other characters see as different, which makes them evil in their eyes, and they are punished for it,” Josie said. “The killing of their innocence is the killing of the mockingbird.” 

Hope closed her mouth when she realized that it was hanging open. Sure, she had decided that maybe, just maybe, Josie wasn’t a completely phony moron like the rest of her friends, but had she suspected her of possessing actual intelligence? She didn’t think so. 

“That’s extremely insightful, Josie. Just be sure to raise your hand next time.” Ms. Tig smiled, and moved to the whiteboard to make a note. 

Hope had never before given much thought to the in-crowd, other than for basic survival, such as how to avoid them. They were like a pack of hyenas to be circumvented if she didn’t want her school bag tossed over the fence. She’d never wanted to know anything about any of them, but she couldn’t look away from Josette Saltzman. 

Girls like Josie, made fun of her in the washroom. That was Hope’s normal. She’d been on the receiving end of it since popularity became a thing in second grade. There was something different, though, when josie’s friends did it. It hurt. It had only been the first day of school, and already she’d become a target. Josie hadn’t acted the way girls like Josie, popular and mean, usually acted though, and Hope had been dumbstruck when Josie passed her a note in class. 

At first, she wouldn’t even reach for it, not wanting to see whatever insult was written on it. Instead, Josie had been nice to her. 

Sure, Hope sneered at high school royalty like anyone else who wasn’t invited into their exclusive club. Unlike the rest of the serfs, she never expected to forget how much she hated them and become a bumbling, adoring fool if one of them ever chose to pay attention to her. So why couldn’t she stop staring at josie? She didn’t understand it, and as she watched her now, whispering with Jacob, she was upset with her. Not because of anything Josie had actually done, but because of how looking at Josie made her feel. 

It was there again, that pull she’d felt since the first time she’d seen her, heard her voice, and good God, looked into those soft brown eyes. When josie had run into her, she’d knocked the wind out of her. Twice. 

Hope had seen many brown eyes before, but looking into Josie’s as she lay on top of her was like gazing into an endless pit of chocolate, the feeling of warm earthy soil. They were absolutely the prettiest eyes that she had ever seen. She had been embarrassed to find herself searching them and quickly made like she wanted Josie off of her. She had been surprised by how discomfited Josie was about the whole thing. She’d blushed and apologized and looked around as if she wanted to be anywhere but stuck in that moment with her. 

Who wouldn’t? To say she wasn’t popular was a gross understatement. She wasn’t exactly sure what it was that made the other kids pick on her, but whatever it was, she had an extravagant amount of it. She knew she wasn’t gorgeous, but she didn’t think she was horrible either. She had auburn hair that behaved if she put effort into it—which she generally didn’t—and she wasn’t overweight or anything. Physically speaking, her best feature was probably her eyes, but she’d never much cared about looks. Besides, nice eyes were something a person either had or didn’t have, not something she could take credit for. No boys had ever seemed interested in her, and she’d never dressed or tried to look good for them either. Instead, she’d always done what made her feel good, which was likely the root of the problem, as her brother had told her. 

“Does anyone have anything they’d like to add to Josie’s comment?” Ms. Tig looked around, and her gaze settled on Jacob and Josie, who were still whispering in the front row. “jacob?” she asked. “Have you anything to add? Surely you and Ms. Saltzman are discussing the book, and not whispering in my class?” 

jacob had the good grace to laugh at himself. “I’m sorry, I don’t know the answer,” he said. He didn’t add anything to the conversation about the book, because he hadn’t read most of it yet. He’d told Hope that much on their walk to school that morning. 

Ms. Tig smiled at his self-deprecation and moved on, looking for another hand to rise. 

Jacob, unlike Hope, was effortlessly popular. It didn’t make sense to her. They were twins, yet he could make friends like he was giving away candy, and she hadn’t one to her name. Why was everything that came so easily to Jacob, so difficult for her? Blessings, friends, the support of her parents; Jacob was flush with them. Here he was, talking to Josette Saltzman like it was the easiest thing in the world. 

She tried not to care. Teenagers were stupid anyway. They cared about stupid things and acted like complete idiots. The majority of Jacob’s friends liked to drink away their brain   
cells, and started having sex before high school. She thought it was disgusting, and not just because none of them wanted to have it with her. The idea of having sex with a boy was gross, and part of her was happy that she didn’t have to put up with someone expecting it from her. Still, she’d always hated girls like Josie. 

Girls who were gorgeous and popular without even trying. She was angry that those girls had the ability to make her feel so small and insignificant. In high school, if you weren’t a deity, then you were a sniveling subject. She knew she would never be a goddess like Josie, and she resented the fact that she should be expected to grovel before people like her and Jacob for the rest of her life. 

What she hated most about Josie, but could not admit to herself was, after her first personal encounter with her, she didn’t hate her at all. She wanted to, but just couldn’t. Josie wore makeup in the adult way. Instead of caking on layers of eyeshadow and lipstick just to prove she was old enough to wear it, like a lot of kids at their school did, Josie used it sparingly to highlight her flawless face. Hope used makeup almost as a disguise, war paint meant to mask her feelings from the outside world. How different they were. She had been so brazen that first day, talking to Josie as if she was nobody at the school. She’d seen her several times since then, but hadn’t dared speak to her, even if Josie had told her she could say hi when she saw her. She should have been insulted at Josie’s words, and she hated that, instead, she’d been flattered. As if school wasn’t bad enough, now it had to be confusing too. 

Despite Ms. Tig’s admonishment, Jacob leaned over and whispered again to Josie. 

Hope couldn’t wait for class to be over so she could run to art. It was the only part of school that was bearable. Schools had access to so many different types of media that Hope couldn’t get her parents to buy for her at home. Whenever she asked for a new set of oil paints or money for canvasses, they asked if she wouldn’t rather go to a movie with friends or use the money to buy a ticket to the next church social. 

As the minister, her father seemed to think everything his children did should revolve around their faith. Without a social life of her own, Hope more often than not fell into that role. 

“What’s another major theme in the book?” Ms. Tig roved the class again. Thankfully, she did not call on her. Josie raised her hand this time. Ms. Tig pointed to her. “Yes, Josie?” 

“Racism, for sure.” 

“That’s right.” Ms. Tig wrote the word on the whiteboard. “There’s also a strong theme here of social inequality.” Those words soon joined the other on the board. “Of things not being fair for some of the characters, while others enjoy privileges they haven’t earned.” 

Hope’s father always said, “Fair is fair.” Whatever that meant. Nothing about her life was fair. Her parents didn’t understand anything. The kids at school hated her. Her brother’s popularity was a constant, mocking reminder of what an outcast she was. Social inequality didn’t even begin to explain her life. Whatever genetic defect she had, her twin brother should have inherited it as well, but it seemed, when they split, Jacob got all the good, leaving her with the shit. 

“What do you think is the most important lesson from the book, Josie?” Ms. Tig asked. It was clear she’d found her favorite student. God, was there anyone Josie couldn’t captivate? 

“I think Hope said it best. It’s about the mockingbirds. Not to judge people you don’t know, because appearances can be deceiving, and people aren’t always what we assume them to be.” Hope hadn’t said that at all. Sure, she’d wanted to, but since when could she articulate herself in public that way? Why was Josie giving her the credit? Nothing about this girl made any sense to her, and as the class drew to a close, she kept replaying and replaying that incident from their first day, where she’d landed underneath Josie, and for one moment in time, those amazing eyes had seen only her. 

* * * * * * * * *

As she made her way home from school, leaves crunched loudly under her All Stars. Hope liked the sound they made and sought out the crispest ones to stomp. Jacob was at football tryouts where he was sure to become a starter in the lineup. 

After a particularly satisfying crunch, she heard a group of guys laughing. Happy they weren’t laughing at her, she continued stomping along the sidewalk until she heard another noise she couldn’t quite identify. She stopped and cocked her head to the side to listen. It sounded like the fluttering of wings. Hearing the laughter again, she hesitated. It was definitely wings. 

Something wasn’t right; she knew that, but was she willing to get in the middle of it? Before she could fully make up her mind, a thud and a squawk prompted Hope to act. She rushed in the direction of the sound to find four guys, students from school, standing between a chain link fence and an old brick apartment building. They were hunched over looking at something. One of them picked up a pigeon from the trashcan and threw it to one of his buddies like a football. Her stomach heaved. When the other boy caught it, the bird struggled to fly away. He dropped it to the ground. 

“Stop it!” Hope charged in. One of them turned around at the sound of her voice. 

“Oh, what do we have here?” 

“L-l-let it go.” Hope’s voice cracked. 

“You going to make me?” A boy with longish brown hair approached her. He was a senior. They all were. 

“J-just leave it alone.” The bird was trying to escape, but it couldn’t spread one of its wings. 

“I-I-I don’t think so.” The boy mimicked her and sniggered. “What are you going to do about it, loser?” 

Hope stumbled backward and her knees began to wobble. She tried to turn, but he grabbed her schoolbag and ripped it away from her. When she reached for it, he threw it to one of his friends. 

“Give it back,” she pleaded. 

He tossed it again. This time, it opened mid-air, dropping the contents onto the ground. Hope blinked away the sting of tears behind her eyes. She did not want them to see her cry. She turned to run out of the alley and collided with someone. The person stumbled back a step, but kept her footing and held Hope up as well. 

“Are you okay?” Josie studied her, her eyes clouded with concern. She turned her attention to the guys. “What the hell is going on?” 

“That’s Lizzie Saltzman’s sister,” one of them muttered to the others. 

“Get out of here!” Josie firmly held onto Hope’s arms and watched the boys over Hope’s shoulder as they left. Josie’s hand trembled slightly. 

Hope turned back to watch as they reluctantly cleared the alley. She bowed her head when each one of them shot her a menacing look. Josie stared them down. 

“Are you okay?” Josie asked her again once the guys were gone. Hope stepped out of Josie’s arms and ran back into the alley, as much to check on the bird as to get away from Josie. Since there was little it could do to stop her, the pigeon allowed Hope to pick it up. 

“Oh, you poor thing,” she cooed. Josie approached her from behind and peered over her shoulder. Hope pointed at the disheveled grey, blue, and white feathers. “I think its wing is broken.” 

“Yeah, looks like it,” Josie said. Hope glanced over her shoulder. Josie’s brow was drawn down and she stared at Hope rather than looking at the bird. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Um, yeah.” Hope swallowed. “Thank you.” She managed to say it without stuttering. Of all the people to find her getting picked on, she really wished it hadn’t been Josette Saltzman. 

“They were t-tossing him around a-and…” She looked away, embarrassed by her stutter. 

“You were standing up for this little guy?” Josie used her index finger to rub the top of the bird’s head gingerly. It closed its eyes slowly, relaxing into Hope’s arms. “He’s lucky you came along.”

I’m lucky you came along. Hope knew how close she’d been to being in real trouble. 

“I was walking across the street and heard yelling.” 

So, Josie had heard raised voices and just decided to see what the problem was? Hope would love to feel that kind of confidence. She shook her head and looked at the bird. 

“What do we do now?” 

“I don’t know.” Josie shrugged. “I’ve never had a bird before. Have you?” 

“No. I don’t just want to leave it though.” 

“We won’t leave it.” 

We? Hope hadn’t had a partner in anything since she and Jacob split in the womb. 

“Let me get your things.” Josie gestured to the contents of her backpack, scattered out on the ground. Hope wanted to stop her, but with the bird in her hands there was little she could do about it.

“You don’t have to do that.” Hope's cheeks flushed with shame. 

“Nonsense.” Josie gathered her things and stuffed them back in the bag. When she came to her sketchbook, she paused. Hope started to tell her not to open it, but it was too late. She held her breath as Josie flipped through the pages. Josie looked up at her. 

“These are really good,” she said with awe. “Like, really good,” she emphasized. “You have a great talent.” 

“Thank you.” It felt incredibly personal for Josie to look at her work, as if she’d opened up her diary and started reading through the pages. She looked down at the bird, searching for anything else to talk about. 

“Do you think we can fix his wing?” 

Josie seemed to get the hint and put Hope's sketchbook back in her bag with her other things. Once everything was packed up, she swung it over her own shoulder instead of handing it to Hope. She looked at the wing thoughtfully. 

“Do you think we’ll hurt him if we try?” 

Hope looked at the poor bird. “I don’t know, maybe, but I can’t just leave him here.” 

“Let’s go over to the field by the ravine. We can see if we can do anything for him. If we can’t, at least we can get him into the woods where he’ll be safe from those assholes.” 

The bird didn’t try to get away as they walked out of the alley and down the path beside their school. They were headed away from the main building, toward the ravine that led to a wooded area. Hope kept a slow pace so as not to startle the pigeon, and Josie didn’t protest her speed. 

“That was really brave of you, you know?” Josie hiked both their schoolbags higher up on her shoulder. Hope shrugged. 

“You don’t have to carry that.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” She wasn’t going to argue with Josie. 

“How do you think we should do this?” 

They were nearing the dense, riparian woods. Josie looked at the bird thoughtfully. “I guess we could see what his good wing looks like, and then see if we can make the other one look the same?” 

Hope winced. It could work, but on the other hand, it could make things worse. “What if we hurt him?” 

Josie looked off into the distance, as if the woods could bring some inspiration. The sun illuminated the honey gold highlights in her hair, and she squinted her gorgeous brown eyes against it. She’s so beautiful. 

“I don’t know what else to do.” Josie's voice brought her back to attention. She was right. If they left him like he was, he’d be vulnerable not just to assholes but to the wildlife in the woods as well. She nodded. Surprisingly, Josie seemed to be waiting for her approval. She leaned over Hope's arms, gently took the bird’s good wing in her hand, and slowly spread out its feathers. The bird shifted a little but didn’t try to fly away. 

Hope worried he was getting worse the longer they waited. When Josie tentatively did the same with the other wing, the bird allowed Josie to do it. The bones jutted out differently, looking more like branches and bramble than a proper wing. Queasiness bubbled up in Hope's stomach. 

“It’s okay,” josie spoke softly to the bird. “We’re going to fix you right up.” 

“What are you going to do?” Hope's voice was filled with fear and awe, even to her own ears. 

“I’m going to try to make the bones in this wing match the other.” Hope's stomach lurched when Josie deftly shifted the broken parts of the bird’s wing back into place. To the bird’s credit, it didn’t squirm or even try to peck at them. “There,” Josie whispered warmly. 

The bird spread its wings and fluttered them. A moment later, it hopped out of Hope's hands and landed on the grass at their feet. “I think you did it.” Hope smiled. 

Josie kneeled and gave the bird a skeptical look. It flew a short distance and landed on the grass again. “I hope I didn’t make it worse.” 

“No, I don’t think so. He couldn’t even spread that wing before,” Hope said, to reassure herself as much as Josie. 

“Yeah?” Josie glanced up, a hopeful look in her eyes. 

“Yeah.” Hope met Josie's gaze, and they grinned at each other. When she heard another flutter, she regretfully looked away. The bird was about ten feet from them and on the verge of taking flight again. “I think he’s going to be okay now. You saved his life.” 

Josie shook her head. “You did. He’s lucky you were there.” 

Before Hope could answer, a whistle blew in the background from the football field. Josie checked her watch. 

“Shit, I have to run. I’ll…I’ll see you around.” 

Hope stood there for a long time, an unfamiliar feeling pitted in her stomach as she watched Josie walk away. She wasn’t sure if it was nerves from the incident in the alleyway, awe at watching Josie play vet, or because Josie had been brave enough to come to her rescue, but something about Josette Saltzman stirred something inside Hope. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Ms. Tig instructed them to finish reading chapter sixteen of To Kill a Mockingbird, and Josie sighed and lazily leafed through the pages. Josie had read it before since it was her favorite book. 

So had Hope, but she’d never given any thought to how beautiful the book was until it was attached to the girl sitting three seats in front of her, she knew from that moment on, that whenever she will hear about the book, she'll remember Josie's smile while looking at its book cover, knowing its Josie's favorite book. 

She’d been disappointed that morning when Josie wasn’t at her locker at the same time Hope was. It was an odd feeling, but she wanted to see Josie again. Hope had rearranged her books over and over as she stared at Josie's locker, worried Josie might not be at school that day. For some reason, that possibility disappointed her. The whole thing was unsettling. 

What did she care if Josette Saltzman was in class or not? Josie should mean as little to Hope as Hope clearly did to her. Still, when she got to English and Josie was already in her seat, Hope felt relieved. 

Partway through class, her brother leaned over and whispered something to Josie. Jacob was rewarded with a soft chuckle. Jacob had always been great at talking to girls. He looked older than he was, had already lost his virginity, and had gone pretty far with at least two other girls over the summer. He was a great brother, but he was fast with girls. 

Hope was acutely aware of how uncomfortable the laugh he’d elicited from Josie made her, but that didn’t keep her from leaning forward on the edge of her seat in an effort to hear their whispered conversation. Jacob was smiling, and when Josie reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, Hope saw that she was smiling too. She was relieved when the bell rang as it should have forced an end to their conversation, but they continued to talk as they lazily packed up their bags. Unsure why the sight of her brother talking to Josie was getting her so worked up, she jammed her notebook in her bag and made haste to her Art class. 

Art was, by far, Hope's favorite subject. Although she preferred drawing and painting to the sculpture and design part of the curriculum that came later in the year, she wouldn’t trade a minute in art for any other class. Ever since Hope could remember, she loved to draw, and doodled on whatever was handy. When she didn’t have a pen or pencil, she’d use her finger to draw imaginary figures on desks, walls, or even in the air. She believed that the world was a landscape of art, and she saw life through its many canvasses. When Hope drew, she felt free. Nothing rivaled the way she felt when a work came to life under her paintbrush. 

When Jacob was out at the mall meeting girls or playing video games with his friends, Hope would lock herself away in her room and create every piece of art she felt moving within her. Sometimes, she couldn’t sit still when an idea came to her, and it took all the effort in her body not to run from whatever she was doing, no matter where she was, and get that image out of her and into the world. The act of creating was exciting and cathartic. It made her feel alive and complete, and she couldn’t imagine anything else ever feeling that good. 

The lesson that day was to learn a bit about art history. Not the most exciting assignment or what she had hoped for, but at least the history of art was better than solving equations or learning about eco systems. She contented herself with drawing flowers around the border of her notebook while Mr. Comte talked about art deco and God knew what else for half an hour. 

Finally, he told them they could draw in their sketchbooks for the rest of the class, and Hope pulled out a drawing of her hand with a thorn going through it. She’d started it the night before. 

After art, came dreaded biology. She hated when teachers let students pick their own seats, and always cringed when a group assignment was given where they were allowed to partner with their friends. A true loner, Hope didn’t have any friends, and it was always embarrassing for her to find a group of other misfits and ask if she could join them. 

In biology, they were allowed to pick their own lab partners, and Hope was the odd-man out in the twenty-nine student class, so she sat at the two-seater, high, black lab table alone. The teacher had told her that he would partner with her on the assignment her first day, but he obviously couldn’t do that every day for the rest of the year. So far, she’d only had a partner once when someone else was home sick. When Hope got to class, she took a seat at the table at the back nearest the windows. When the second bell rang and class began, the seat next to her was still empty. 

Mr. Spencer looked at her with some discomfort, as if he didn’t want to be her partner either. A knock on the door delayed the start of class. It was one of the secretaries from the office. Mr. Spencer went to the door to speak with the woman. He nodded his head and pushed his thick, black glasses up the bridge of his nose with his index finger. The woman from the office left, and Josette Saltzman stepped through the open door. 

Hope's breath caught at the sight of her. 

Mr. Spencer said something to Josie, and when he pointed toward her lab table, Hope's stomach knotted. Something seemed to flicker behind Josie's eyes as she took in Hope and the empty chair next to her. She hesitated long enough to make Hope wish she could fall into the floor and disappear. 

Josie quietly took her seat. “I have a gift for you,” Josie whispered. 

Surprised that Josie was talking to her, Hope looked at her, confused, but didn’t respond. Josie smiled as she reached into her bag and pulled out Hope's copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. “You left it in class. Ms. Tig asked if someone would be seeing you again today. I told her your locker was across from mine, so she gave it to me.” 

She placed the book on the space of black table between them. She had been in such a rush not to see Jacob and Josie flirting that she’d let the book fall out of her bag, or maybe it had never made it in. Why hadn’t Jacob taken the book for her? Why was Josie here? 

“What are you doing here?” Hope whispered. 

“I switched one of my classes. Is your lab partner out today?” 

“I don’t have a partner,” she answered sourly. 

Mr. Spencer announced that they would be watching a movie on homeostasis, and turned off the lights. 

Josie leaned in a little to Hope. “I’ll be your partner.” 

Josie's words moved through her. She probably should have replied, but couldn’t. Her mouth had gone dry. In the darkness, Josie smiled at her before turning her head to watch the movie, and Hope got a funny feeling in her center. 

It was a long film, and Hope found herself using the time to stare discreetly at Josie. 

Josie had two piercings in her left earlobe and a dark freckle behind her ear, just where her hairline began. Her eyelashes were long when she blinked, and she had a habit of twisting pieces of her lustrous, brown hair between her fingers. When she played with those soft-looking strands, Hope could smell her shampoo. It was fruity and refreshing, and it made Hope's stomach ache. 

As if sensing the weight of Hope studying her—cataloging the way Josie's stomach dipped when she leaned forward, the way the back of her shirt rose up just enough for Hope to spy a half inch of skin before it met her jeans—Josie turned toward her. 

Hope looked away. 

She stared at the TV and used all of her willpower not to look back at Josie. After a few moments, Josie returned her attention to the screen, and Hope let out a long, steady breath. Then, Josie opened her binder, wrote a note, and slid the binder a few inches so that it sat in front of Hope. 

'Don’t you like me?' 

When Hope read the note, her heart missed a beat. 

'I don’t really know you.' 

She slid it back, unable to believe that Josette Saltzman was passing notes with her again. Before Josie, the last note she’d gotten was on the last day of eighth grade. Robin Dawson had asked if she was going to spare her next school the torture of having to look at her by killing herself over the summer. 

'We should get to know each other then. Tell me about yourself.' 

Josie passed the binder back. 

Why the fuck did Josette Saltzman want to know anything about her? 

'What do you want to know?' 

Hope grabbed at the binder eagerly, but seemed disappointed with the response. 

'Tell me something nobody else knows.' 

If Josie was playing a joke on her, Hope didn’t want to end up as the punchline. 

'You first.' 

Josie read the note and gave her a mock narrowing of her eyes, but there was a smile playing on her crimson lips, and Hope licked her own in response. Josie tapped her pencil against her teeth before she began to write. After a few long moments, she passed the note to Hope. 

'When I was six, I broke my arm in our playroom. I told my parents I fell, but my sister pushed me. She felt really bad though and gave me the Barbie of hers I wanted.' 

Hope read the story, and it felt funny to be reading something personal about Josette Saltzman, even if it was inconsequential. This was definitely a weird way to get to know someone. Hope looked at Josie, then the note, then back at Josie, and wrote her response. She passed it back, watching Josie warily. 

'I don’t have any friends.' 

Josie stiffened when she read the message. For just five words, she seemed to spend a lot of time on them. Long seconds ticked by, and the longer she waited, the more exposed Hope felt. It had been stupid of her to write that. If she’d been worried about becoming a laughing stock, she’d certainly just handed Josie the ammunition. What had she been thinking? For the life of her, she couldn’t understand what made her open up like that. 

Josie, the most popular girl in their grade, told her she’d broken her arm, and Hope had responded with that? Suddenly, it seemed incredibly inappropriate and stupid, and she wished that she could grab the note back and rip it up. She needed to write something else to erase what she’d said. She put her pencil to the paper and began to write an explanation, but Josie slid the binder away before she could finish. 

'I want to be your friend.' 

Hope thought she must have misread the note, so she read it again, and again. A fourth time confirmed that she really had read what she thought she’d read. Just as the feeling of unexpected elation began to move through her, she put a stop to it. She’d seen Carrie and Never Been Kissed and had watched the protagonists with contempt, wondering how they could’ve been so stupid as to think that the attention from the popular kids had been genuine. 

She passed Josie another note. 

'Why?' 

Josie read the response and stalled. hope was becoming anxious again as she stared at Josie, waiting for a reply. She searched out the freckle behind Josie's ear and let her gaze rest there, somehow comforted by being able to see the now familiar spot. 

The film must have finished, because Mr. Spencer turned the lights back on and resumed his lecture. 

Hope blushed when she saw that freckle behind Josie's ear in the brightness of the classroom. 

She felt awkward, as if it knew her secrets. Josie tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear as she flipped the page in her binder, dismissing their go-between. 

Hope fervently wished that their exchange wasn’t in Josie's binder but her own. She wanted to grab the page and tear it out to destroy the evidence. Josie began to take notes. There were only seven minutes left before lunch. Hope watched the wall clock slowly tick away every agonizing second until the bell rang, ready to bolt from class. A touch on her arm brought her to a halt.

Josie stood there, an earnest look on her face. “Sorry, I didn’t want to miss what he was saying,” she apologized. “What are you doing for lunch?” 

Hope's heart raced. “I’m having lunch with my brother.” 

As Hope said the words—not entirely the truth as she and Jacob hadn’t discussed this yet—it occurred to her that the real reason Josie wanted to get to know her was her brother. It was Jacob she wanted to get to know, and she was using Hope as the conduit. 

Pissed off at Josie for making her feel like an idiot, and mad at herself for not seeing through it like she’d always told herself she would, Hope pushed past Josie, this time making sure to take all of her books with her before escaping the class as fast as she could. 

Once in the hallway, she breathed a sigh of relief. She was free for an hour until their class together in Portable 118, and this time she would be sure to sit somewhere far away from Josie. As soon as the thought materialized, Hope grew even more annoyed. What the hell was she thinking? She didn’t need to plan her classes around a snobby, popular girl. She’d already spent too much time thinking about Josette Saltzman, and it didn’t make any sense. She didn’t even know her, so why did she feel as though she was constantly seeking her out? It was silly. Just a stupid connection to the in-crowd that she must secretly crave beyond listening to Jacob talk about them. 

Instead of going to her locker, Hope went in search of Jacob. She found him horsing around with Karl, one of his friends from middle school. Karl knew that Hope was Jacob's sister, so he didn’t give her any grief when she walked right up and leaned on the locker next to Jacob's. He even nodded his head in slight acknowledgement of her before bumping Jacob's fist and moving on down the hall. 

“How was your morning?” Jacob asked her. 

“Okay.” She blew a piece of auburn hair out of her eye. “Yours?” 

He closed his locker door and pulled his backpack up over his shoulders. “Great. I was talking to Josette Saltzman this morning,” he said excitedly. 

“So?” Hope tried to put a quizzical look on her face, as if she hadn’t just been floored by the fact that she had been talking to Josette Saltzman as well that morning. 

“So? She’s the best looking girl in our grade, and she’s pretty cool. Girls like that are usually conceited bitches. Her sister is Lizzie Saltzman, who’s only, like, the hottest girl in school.” 

Silently, Hope disagreed. Josie was obviously the hottest girl in school. The involuntary thought made her face flush with heat. 

“Never mind.” Jacob shook his head with a private smile. “You don’t care about that stuff. I think that’s cool.” 

The compliment was genuine, but it made her feel guilty. She’d spent a lot of time that morning thinking about a certain popular girl, which reminded her of the reason she had taken this trip to Jacob's locker. 

“What are you doing for lunch?” 

“I was going to grab something from the caf, but we can go home if you want.” Hope didn’t really want to go home, but she didn’t want to eat alone by her locker again either, especially because there was a good chance that Josie might see her there and catch her in her lie. 

They headed out the side door closest to their house and started the ten-minute walk home. They talked casually about their parents and their new classes, but Hope couldn’t help the feeling of uneasiness that had crept into her stomach when Jacob brought up Josie and Lizzie Saltzman back at his locker. 

Josie's sister was a senior, and even Jacob knew better than to go after a girl who he had no chance of getting, but Josie was their age. If he thought she was the hottest girl in their grade, then she was on his radar. It would only be a matter of time before he zeroed in on Josie, and for reasons she didn’t care to explore, that didn’t sit well with Hope.


	3. Chapter 3

Lunch was coming to a close, and Josie sat with her friends in the cafeteria, playing with the remnants of her beef patty. She’d eaten the middle part, but didn’t feel like finishing the neon yellow crust. 

Typically, there wasn’t room for ninth graders at the tables. Most had to sit on the floor out in the hall, but Lizzie made sure that there was room for Josie and her friends at their table, cementing their popularity. 

“I love high school,” Dana said dreamily. 

Josie followed her gaze to Sebastian, Lizzie's ex-boyfriend. They were seated at the other end of the table, talking. 

Sebastian was one of the most popular guys in school. Lizzie had broken up with him over the summer, but said she would probably get back together with him when school started up again. 

“Oh my God.” Olivia nudged Dana. “Stop staring. He’s Lizzie's boyfriend.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Dana apologized to Josie. Josie shrugged. 

“They’re not together right now.” She covered the last of the beef patty with a thin paper napkin and pushed it a few inches farther away from her. 

“If you’re not going to go after Jacob,can I take a stab at him?” Dana flipped her shoulder-length blonde hair. Josie was perturbed, though she tried to hide it by tucking strands of her hair behind her ear and looking away. For the first time in a while, she really took stock of her best friends. 

Dana, like Lizzie, was a natural born leader, and she was sure that if her sister wasn’t who she was, that they’d be following Dana around instead of her. Beautiful, with naturally light-blonde hair, blue eyes, and the smoothest, healthiest looking skin Josie had ever seen, Dana was an easy ten and a full-on knockout. 

Olivia, with pale blue eyes, blonde hair, and the height of a Viking could also give a person a toothache if he was into eye-candy, and she had caught the attention of most of their male peers. 

Alyssa had shiny black hair, pale skin, an easy smile, and natural good humor, which made her Josie's favorite, though she’d never before really considered it. As far as friends went, Alyssa was the truest, Olivia the funniest, and Dana the most beautiful, but what did they think of her? What did they see in her? What did they really know about her? 

Unlike Hope Mikaelson, they didn’t even know the story about when she broke her arm and covered up Lizzie's culpability. God, that had been a difficult exchange, note-passing with Hope that morning. She wanted to know more about the girl. It had started before that though, in the alleyway behind school with the bird. When Josie had told Hope that she’d been brave, she half expected her to agree and go on about how great she was, as any one of her friends seated at the table would have done. The fact that Hope had merely shrugged away the compliment made Josie respect her. She hadn’t been looking for any glory. She’d just been doing the right thing. 

When it happened, Josie hadn’t really had time to think in that moment, she’d simply reacted to the scene in front of her. Truth be told, she hadn’t even seen the bird. All she had seen was Hope in the middle of a group of boys as they laughed at her and threw her bag between them. She hadn’t known at the time that they were boys from her school or that they’d recognize who she was and that Lizzie's reputation would save them both. She’d just seen Hope in trouble and felt her heartbeat quicken. 

She hadn’t been thinking of the consequences at the time, but she knew now how lucky they’d been to get out of that situation so easily, and she wondered how many times Hope found herself on the receiving end of cruelty like that. She didn’t seem too fazed by it, and Josie realized with a twinge of sadness that Hope was probably accustomed to being treated poorly. 

Hope had written 'I don’t have any friends' that morning. Such a simple sentence, yet how much it mattered to Hope was etched on her face. She’d looked at Josie, brow wrinkled, as if she expected something from her. How was she, the most popular girl in their grade, supposed to answer that? Thanks to Lizzie and some very good genes, she’d never had to know what those words felt like, and she was sorry for Hope that she did. 

Was it really possible that Hope actually didn’t have any friends at all? Sure, her friends had teased Hope, but what could be so wrong with this girl that no one wanted to hang around her? Normally, Josie could spot a loser from across the class, but she didn’t feel that way about Hope. She was brave and had shown rare kindness with the bird that day. 

Also, there was the odd leap of excitement in her stomach as she’d walked toward the vacant stool next to Hope that morning. How was it no one else had wanted to sit with her? Sure, her clothing wasn’t the most feminine or flattering, and her makeup was definitely out there, but Hope's indifference and aloofness made Josie wonder what was really happening beneath the surface. Where others found her off-putting, she found her intriguing. 

Her response to Hope's confession, to tell her that she wanted to be her friend, had felt like the most natural thing in the world, because she’d meant it. What she hadn’t prepared herself for was the follow-up when Hope had asked her why. 

She had a lot of trouble answering that one little word. The truth was, she didn’t know why. She just knew that something inside her wanted to learn everything about Hope Mikaelson, and whatever that something was, it was getting louder. 

“Hello? Are you going to ask him out or what?” Dana pushed, and Josie couldn’t remember what she was supposed to be thinking about. She replayed the question and realized that she was asking about Jacob. How quickly was she supposed to jump his bones if she wanted to stake her claim on him? 

Yes, he was cute, and on top of that he was nice and he smelled of deodorant and cologne instead of sweat and old shoes like most boys, but she didn’t know a thing about him beyond that he liked to make silly jokes in class. 

“I don’t know if I like him yet,” she said, to which Dana pouted. 

“If you decide you don’t want him, let me know, and soon. That boy’s going to get snatched up by a grade ten or eleven if someone doesn’t claim him. He is a cu-tie.” Dana separated the word for emphasis. 

Josie felt like telling her right then that she could have him, but that wasn’t what was expected of her. Lizzie had taught her to reinforce her place in the school hierarchy by going after the hottest guy she could find and making him her slave. For just a few handjobs and a blowjob every few months, high school boys would do practically anything for a girl. 

Sebastian carried Lizzie's books around for her, laughed at all of her jokes, and told her how pretty she was at every turn. He wasn’t even getting any from her anymore. 

If Josie was going to make some guy her puppet, it might as well be Jacob. “I’m going to invite him to the park party this Friday,” she said decisively. 

“I’m sure he’s already going,” Alyssa said. 

“Yeah, but he doesn’t know he’s going with me.” Josie affected a territorial tone that she didn’t actually feel. Olivia mimed snapping a whip. Josie had effectively convinced her friends even if she didn’t believe it herself. “Let’s go have a smoke.” 

Outside, Alyssa spotted Jacob before she did. 

“There he is.” She elbowed Josie and nodded toward him. 

He was walking back to school with Hope. It seemed so odd to her that they were brother and sister. 

“Go ask him,” Alyssa encouraged. She didn’t want to disappoint the group, so she walked right up to him. To remain at the top of the totem pole, she had to exude confidence. So, that’s what she did. 

“Hey,” she greeted Jacob. 

“Hey.” He nodded and stopped walking. 

Josie struggled to keep her attention focused on Jacob. For some reason, she wanted to look at Hope, who had stopped walking when Jacob did. 

“I wanted to make sure that you knew about the party this Friday at Piedmont Park. You should come.” A smile spread over Jacob's face. Clearly, he understood the implication. 

“I’ll be there.” 

“Great,” she said, not feeling any ounce of the word. She turned to leave, then hesitated. Without looking at Hope, she mumbled, “You should come too.” 

After she’d said the words, relief surged through her. She hurried back to her friends to finish her cigarette. 

* * * * * * * * *

By the time Friday rolled around, everyone was talking about the park party, so Josie was floored when Jacob said he couldn’t go after all. 

“Why not?” she asked, rejected. Whether she was into him or not, it still didn’t feel good. 

He glanced at Hope's empty seat. “My sister doesn’t want to go.” 

That was the second blow, and it hit harder than the first. Even though her invitation to Hope had been half-assed, Josie still expected her to show up. Naïve assumption probably, but one her popularity afforded her with other people. Of course, Hope wasn’t the type of girl to swoon at an invitation, no matter who extended it. Part of her respected that, but Josie had to think about her reputation. 

People expected to see her with Jacob. If he didn’t show up, it would reflect poorly on her, and Dana might even use it as ammunition to challenge Josie's position as leader of their group. 

Jacob was a pawn to keep her pedestal in the politics that was high school popularity, but she had wanted Hope to be there. 

“So, she’s just not going to come? I mean, you’re not? Neither of you are?” 

“I guess not.” He shrugged his shoulders. 

“Why doesn’t she want to come?” He made a face as though trying to decide how much to say, or if he should say any of it at all. 

“She just doesn’t think she’ll fit in,” he finally said. “She doesn’t really know anyone.” 

“I’ll talk to her,” Josie said with more confidence than she felt. “You have to come tonight.” Jacob's face lit up when she insisted, and she realized she shouldn’t have been so forceful. Sure, she wanted him to want her, but she didn’t want to deliver on those things high school boys expected. 

Jacob left Josie to figure out how she would approach Hope. By all rights, she really wouldn’t belong and would probably be miserable there, so convincing her wasn’t going to be easy. Unfortunately, Hope was late for biology class. Before she showed up, someone else asked to sit with Josie, so she didn’t get a chance to talk to Hope at all. Hope disappeared as soon as class ended, so law would be her last chance to change Hope's mind before the party that night. 

When she got to the portable, Hope was sitting near the front of the class. She took a seat near the back and let out a sigh of relief. After a whole morning to prepare, Josie still wasn’t sure what to say to her. Something about being around Hope left her inexplicably exhausted and confused. Every small conversation was fraught with tension, and never seemed to go the way Josie wanted. In fairness, though, Josie had no idea how she wanted their conversations to go, so she couldn’t really justify her disappointment. 

From the back of the room, Josie was safely out of Hope's line of sight. As the teacher carried on about jurisprudence and Aristotle, Josie watched Hope. 

“The law is reason free from passion,” he said, and Josie took a moment to mull that over. Was anything ever free from passion? Wasn’t passion the one thing that drove people in everything that they did? Not passion in the carnal sense, but more about the love or drive or desire to do or have things. Passion guided all of her decisions, and she didn’t think that anything could ever really be free from it. 

Her gaze drifted to Hope. Without fully realizing it, she traced the contours of her body with her stare. As she drew something in the margin of her notebook, a chunk of auburn hair drifted into her field of vision and Hope blew it out of her eyes time after time. Josie smiled. What passions made Hope who she was? Whatever they were, Josie wanted to know all of them. 

When the teacher told them to read quietly while he went to the main building to use the facilities, he left a keener in charge. Josie seized the opportunity and moved up to the empty seat beside Hope. The keener didn’t say anything to stop her.

“Hey.” 

“Hey?” Hope arched an eyebrow. 

The black eyeliner and mascara were full around her eyes, but she hadn’t painted her lips black today. They were a delicate shade of pink. Hope had a full, pillowy bottom lip which captivated Josie's attention, and gave her a funny feeling in her stomach the longer she looked at it. She didn’t know what it was, but she knew that she liked it. 

“I thought you were coming to the party tonight,” she said, sounding whinier than she wanted. 

Hope looked straight ahead. “You only want Jacob there.” The way that Hope said it made Josie's stomach clench. 

In truth, she’d never been excluded, and didn’t know what it was like not to be wanted and worshiped. 

“I invited you, didn’t I?” She elbowed Hope's arm playfully. “Come on. It’ll be fun.” 

“Jacob told you he wouldn’t go without me, didn’t he?” she asked, turning those cold, blue eyes on her. They were like chips of ice today, and Josie chose her words carefully. Agreeing with Hope was the safest way to answer, but it wasn’t true. She only wanted Jacob there as a way to spend time with Hope, not the other way around. 

The sudden realization of her true desire unnerved her. 

“He mentioned it,” she said as nonchalantly as possible, “but I want you both to come.” There, that was almost the truth, and when Hope looked into her eyes, she lost herself in the blue depths. There was no way she could actively lie to her. 

“Why?” 

That was a good question. Josie didn’t know the answer, not fully, but there must be something she could say that would both appease Hope and allow Josie to stop asking herself the same thing. 

“It’s the first big party of the year. Just come. If you don’t have a good time, I’m sure Jacob will take you home. You’ve got nothing to lose, and if you don’t like it, you can leave. Plain and simple. What else are you going to do tonight anyway? I heard on the news that all of the birds in the area are perfectly safe and in no need of rescuing. You’ll be bored if you don’t come.” 

Hope's lips curled into a small smile. Slowly, she nodded her acquiescence, and Josie felt a huge grin pulling at her own cheeks. 

“Thank you! Thank you! Jacob will be so happy,” Josie said excitedly, but she was the one who was ecstatic as she walked back to her seat, an ear-to-ear smile splitting her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday to our No. 1 Tribrid queen...Danielle Rose Russell😍😍


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday to our other Queen Kaylee Bryant!!

On their walk home from school, Jacob talked animatedly about how much fun the party was going to be that night, and Hope was happy for the distraction. 

“Do you think one bottle of wine is enough, or should we take something from Dad’s stash?” 

“What stash?” 

“He’s got like boxes of whiskey people’ve given him as gifts. He never drinks it. We could take a bottle. I bet he’d never notice, and it’d look pretty cool if we showed up with one of those.” Hope nodded, but inside, turmoil churned in her stomach. 

She was nervous. More nervous than she’d been the first day of school or any other time she could remember. She didn’t belong at that party, she knew that, but for a moment, Josette Saltzman had made her feel like she did. Sure, Josie only wanted her there so that her brother would go, but there had been that second when Hope dared to believe that Josie wanted her there as well. It was too much to hope for. She pushed the thought away. 

Once in her room, she took out her sketchbook and immediately flipped to the page she’d started a few days before, the day Josie said she wanted to be her friend. What had started out as a set of eyes, eventually became a charcoal drawing of Josie from the clavicle, to her soft-looking pouty lips, to the top of her soft-looking, light-brown hair. 

Without color, the picture could not do her hazel eyes justice, but Hope immensely liked the way it felt to draw her jawline, her twists of full hair, and those perfect, red lips. When she ran the charcoal over the paper, it almost felt as if she were touching Josie, tracing the side of her face with her hands, pulling down on her bottom lip with her fingers. A small fire ignited deep in her core. She loved to draw, but this felt different than it ever had before. 

“Dinner!” Jacob called from the hallway, startling her. She reluctantly hid the drawing away again. It was too personal to risk someone else finding it. Her father and mother were already at the table with Jacob when she took her seat. They joined hands, and her father cleared his throat before he began. 

“Heavenly Father, we thank you for this food. We thank you for my job which allows us to pay for this meal, and ask that you bless all of us in your light. Finally, I ask you, Lord, to keep Jacob and Hope from going down the path of darkness, and that you keep them on the path of righteousness as they move through the cesspool of sin that is adolescence. Amen.” Her father opened his eyes, and they all repeated the last word before breaking hands and starting to eat. 

“I sure wish you’d dress in something more becoming.” Her mother reached over and tucked a strand of Hope's auburn and purple hair away from her face. “How are the boys supposed to see how pretty you are when you hide it under all of that dark makeup and black clothing?” 

“The boys don’t need to notice anything about her, Hayley.” Her father swallowed down some canned corn with a large gulp of ice water. “Remember the rule, no dating until you’re sixteen, and then I expect the boy to come and pick you up respectfully, and I’ll want to meet his parents as well.” 

“Da-ad.” Hope stretched out the word in complaint, more out of habit than anything else. She didn’t even know why she was arguing. Even if she weren’t completely socially inept, no one was coming to knock on the door of a minister’s daughter. 

“No arguing on this one, Hope. The same rules apply to your brother, and I expect he’ll be as respectful as we’ve raised him to be.” 

Jacob hid a smile as he bit into his bread roll. Despite what they’d been taught, Jacob seemed to be okay with breaking the rules. He drank alcohol, lied, and had sex with girls. Girls he certainly had no intention of marrying or doing anything honorable with, as their father had put it. Jacob said that what their father didn’t know couldn’t upset him, and Hope had agreed to keep his secrets, but with a heavy heart. 

She didn’t like rules, especially ones put in place to control who she was and how she felt, but she felt bound by them nonetheless. Because she was a girl, her father had been stricter with her than he’d been with Jacob. Even getting them to allow her to wear makeup and dye her hair had been a bone of contention for over a year. Finally, her mother convinced her father that maybe artists were different. They decided that as long as her clothing didn’t say anything obscene and covered her midriff, behind, and chest, and as long as she wasn’t dating any boys—which she assured them she wasn’t—she should be allowed to dress and express herself as she chose. She supposed that was pretty cool of them, even though she’d had to paint a mural in the Sunday school classroom as a trade-off. 

Jacob swallowed down the last of his roast beef. “Hope and I are going to the movies after dinner.” 

He lied so easily. When she tried to lie, she expected God to strike her down, or at least send some plagues her way. 

“That sounds like fun. Why don’t we all go, Klaus?” her mother said imploringly to her father. 

“It’s a scary movie,” Jacob said. “About that serial killer with a Halloween mask.” 

“I wish you children wouldn’t watch that stuff.” She shuddered, effectively ending the subject about them tagging along. “Aren’t you two a little young for those kinds of movies?” 

“Don’t worry, Mom, we’re not that impressionable.” Jacob kissed the top of her head and speedily took his dishes to the sink. Hope followed and passed him her rinsed dishes so he could load them into the dishwasher. “We missed the first show time for dinner, so we won’t be able to get in until the nine o’clock and won’t be home until after eleven.” 

“How long is the movie?” their father asked. 

“I don’t know, about an hour and a half or so,” Jacob answered. 

“Be home at eleven sharp.” His tone broached no argument, so neither Hope nor Jacob said anything before rushing upstairs to get ready for the party. They had some time before they could leave and have it look like they were going to catch the movie. 

Hope pulled her drawing out again. She didn’t have time to add to it, but she couldn’t help tracing her fingers along the curves of Josie's face. She was going to see her tonight, and some small part of Josie might even be happy to see her too, she dared to hope. All she wanted was Josie's attention, even for just a moment. 

When Josie had invited Jacob to the party, and Hope as an afterthought, Jacob had been ecstatic and suggested that they go together, but she had fought him. “I’m not going.” She’d shaken her auburn hair at him as though he were crazy. 

“Why not?” He’d frowned. “Josette Saltzman just asked you to a party. That’s a fucking big deal for you.” He’d managed to look guilty as soon as the words escaped his mouth, but they were out, and they had stung. 

“Nice to know what you think of me, Jay.” 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant…well…wouldn’t it be nice if we had the same friends for once? If we could go to the same places after school and eat lunch with the same people?” 

She knew what he had really been saying, and it hurt more than she had expected it to. 

“If you don’t want to eat lunch with me anymore, you don’t have to. I didn’t know you were that embarrassed of me. Not everyone can be the coolest guy in school, okay? I’m not like you, and I sure as hell am not like her!” She’d pointed an accusatory finger toward Josie and her friends. “She only asked me to come so she didn’t look like she was being a total bitch to your sister, which she was, by the way. She didn’t even look at me. It’s like I don’t even exist to her.” 

She knew as soon as she’d said the words that they were the real reason she was pissed off and taking her hurt out on her brother. “You can be king and queen of the fucking school and have a thousand babies, but I’ll never be friends with a girl like her.” 

“Okay, if you don’t want to go then I won’t go either. You’re more important to me than a bunch of bitches.” 

She knew that wasn’t what she wanted either, for Jacob to feel ostracized like she did on a daily basis just because she was unable to fit in and fall in line like the rest of the world. Sure, she thought the popular crowd was a bunch of brainless sheep like anyone else who wasn’t part of their group, but she loved Jacob. It was as if he’d been born to be one of them. Regardless, she’d fully intended to avoid that party at all costs. That was, of course, until Josie approached her about it. What was it about Josie that had her mind so wrapped up? What was so enthralling that Hope had to capture her? She’d done plenty of life drawing at her summer art camp, and had done enough people watching to fill a few sketchbooks. 

Still, with the exception of the picture she’d painted of her parents for their anniversary the year before, she’d never devoted an entire portrait to anyone she knew personally. The painting for her parents had been modeled off an old wedding photo. This was different. The drawing of Josie had been made from memory. She was surprised at how well she remembered the curve of her chin, the shape of her mouth, the slope of her neck. It had been her exact memorization of those features, in fact, that had prompted the drawing. 

When a piece of art came alive inside of her, she had to get it out. She felt like she would explode if she didn’t. Creating art was an outlet that nothing else compared to. Sometimes, it overtook her. It could be a passion, an obsession, and that’s certainly how it had felt the other night when her fingers itched and her mind conjured up image after image of Josie. She’d worked furiously to flesh her memory out onto the paper. It wasn’t normal for someone to be that beautiful. 

Hope shook her head. It wasn’t the first time she’d thought that since meeting Josie, and the repetition of similar musings had begun to cause her some disquiet. That didn’t change the fact that Josie had the prettiest face she had ever seen, and how could an artist not want to capture such perfection? 

There was a knock on her door. She hid the paper away again and swallowed a lump in her throat. As much as the drawing captivated her, she was going to see the real thing now, and the thought both terrified and excited her.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time the sun went down, there were over thirty people in the park. They chose a secluded spot by the woods where it was almost impossible for someone to register a noise complaint. There was only one faint light that did a poor job of illuminating the group. 

Josie took a long drag of her cigarette, her gaze flitting across the crowd every few seconds. She already imagined she saw Hope three times. Twice, it turned out to be another girl. Once, there had been no one there at all. 

“I’m sure he’ll be here.” Alyssa pushed her arm playfully. “What guy is going to turn down Josette Saltzman?” 

Her apprehension was washed away when Hope came through the clearing with Jacob. 

Josie dropped her cigarette and moved to greet them, her legs unsteady. “Hey.” She looked from Jacob to Hope, trying to make sure she divided her attention between them equally. “Glad you came,” she said to Jacob. 

His grin widened, and Hope dropped her head. 

She leaned in close to her and lowered her voice. “It wouldn’t have been the same without you here.” Her comment was rewarded with a small smile. “So, do you guys need drinks?” 

Hope studied her, and she was impressed with how calm she sounded despite the riptide in her chest. “We have vodka and Coke.” 

“Perfect.” Jacob reached into his bag. “We brought whiskey.” 

“Olivia has the Coke.” Josie pointed toward her friends by the edge of the park. “Let’s go over.” 

Hope looked like she wasn’t going to follow, so Josie stayed rooted until Hope took a step forward. They crossed the short distance to her friends together. 

“Everyone, this is Jacob and Hope. They’re brother and sister.” She hoped their relationship would stop the jaw dropping that took place. 

Josie hadn’t told her friends that Hope was coming, that she had personally invited—no, begged—her to come. It didn’t seem necessary. If Josie said someone was allowed at a party, she was allowed. End of story. 

“Hi,” Alyssa said, her face scrunched up slightly. She didn’t seem to like the way the word felt on her lips when spoken to Hope. 

“Give them the Coke,” Josie said to Olivia. She gave it to Jacob without protest. Josie handed them each a plastic cup. “Thanks for coming,” she said, just quietly enough so that Hope could hear. 

Hope gave the slightest of smiles, and it caused a contagious reaction on her own lips. 

Hope and Jacob stayed by their group for the first hour of the party. Jacob talked to everyone, but paid special attention to Josie. He had maneuvered his way next to her and touched her arm almost every time he spoke. His touches were supposed to make her feel something, but the only thing making her tick was the way Hope's eyes glistened when they met hers, and how every once in a while, a small laugh would escape her throat. That sound—Hope laughing—warmed Josie all the way through. 

She listened to everyone around her, but had an overwhelming desire to be alone with Hope. What they would do, she wasn’t sure, but she had an inexplicable need to get to know her better, to learn everything there was to know about her. The drinks were starting to take effect, and Jacob put his arm around her. It wasn’t really a possessive gesture, but it bothered her. She wanted to shirk him off, but the sly looks of approval from her friends, and even one from Lizzie when she walked by, stopped her from removing herself from his squeeze. 

Josie stopped trying to catch Hope's eye when Jacob's arm encircled her, feeling dirty about it. 

When Hope walked away from their group and took a seat by herself, still nursing her first drink, Josie felt a little foggy. She lost all interest in the conversation around her when a group of guys approached Hope. One of them was their age, but the other two were older. Hope stood up, as if to leave the area, but one of them stopped her with his hand, and said something that made her laugh. That same sound that made her smile just minutes before, now made her furious. It was soft and musical, and kindled ire in her chest. The other members of her group were still talking, and she was only vaguely aware of Jacob's arm still draped over her shoulders.

Hope dumped her drink on the grass, and accepted a refill from one of the older guys. Something wasn’t right. No one had ever paid any attention to Hope, and now these guys were…what? Flirting with her? Bringing Hope to the party was a bad idea. Hope hadn’t said a thing to her all night, literally, and all Josie wanted was to talk to her. Her presence at the party intimated that she was welcome, accepted, and more than that, acceptable. She was fair game now for anyone who drunkenly wanted to take a shot at her. 

The cadence of Hope's laughter filled the air again. She doesn’t know what she’s getting into. She’s in trouble. Fire burned behind her eyes. She needs to be rescued. 

Without turning back to her group, Josie marched toward Hope. She took in Josie's expression and Hope's eyes grew wide. She must have looked as pissed off as she felt. 

“What’s going on here?” Her words were clipped and sharp. 

“Uh, nothing.” Hope shot her a quizzical look. 

“Hey, Josie.” The guy her age tried to put his arm around her, but she pushed him off and he stumbled backward. She couldn’t remember his name, and in that moment, she didn’t care. 

“Did anyone try anything?” She’d focused on Hope the entire time. She knew that nothing had transpired further than some light conversation and laughter, the laughter that had made her so angry because… She didn’t know why. The alcohol was getting to her. I’m not myself. I need to calm down. 

“What’s wrong with you?” one of the older guys asked her. That was a good question. 

“I want to talk to my friend.” She grabbed Hope by the arm and pulled her away from the group, out of view from the party, and into the wooded part of the park. The light was dim. She moved closer to Hope to see her while trying not to think about the spiders or God-knows-what that might be in the trees and bushes around them. 

She studied Hope's face, and saw a dark mark that didn’t belong. “You have something here.” She ran her thumb along the marking, smudging it onto her own skin. The sensation of Hope's jawline felt like fire on her fingertips. It was the first time she had ever really touched her, and she was glad for the cover of darkness to hide the flush sneaking up her neck and into her cheeks. 

“What’s going on?” Hope asked. 

I was jealous. 

The realization hit her square in the chest. She bit down on her lower lip, searching for a response. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” I’m an idiot. “And I’m an idiot.” Josie paused. “I wasn’t supposed to say that part out loud.” 

She was only embarrassed for a moment because Hope laughed, and again, the sound warmed her. “You’re quiet tonight. Like, really quiet.” 

“I didn’t think anyone would notice. Usually people don’t pay much attention to me.” 

“I do.” She did not understand what was happening to her, what often seemed to be happening to her around Hope. It was as if the more time she spent with her, the more she talked to her, the more she wanted just that…more. 

“When you invited me, I thought you just wanted me to come so that Jay would.” Josie shook her head but could not put into words how much she wanted Hope there. Besides, that was the last thing she planned on telling her. 

“So, how do you think Lucky is doing?” she asked, avoiding Hope's comment. 

“Lucky?” Hope raised an eyebrow, and Harper found the gesture…sexy. Her breath grew short as she answered. 

“Our little pigeon friend. I named him Lucky because he was lucky you saved him.” 

“Oh.” Hope blushed, and Josie's cheeks warmed at the site. “You’re the one he was lucky to meet. You fixed his wing. You were amazing.” 

Hope looked down, then back up at Josie through thick, black mascaraed eyelashes. 

“You’re so pretty,” Josie said under her breath. There was a long pause, and Josie's heart sped up. 

“No, you’re the pretty one.” At Hope's compliment, Josie's stomach flipped. Why did words like that from Hope make her feel so good, while similar words from Jacob fell flat? 

“I’m glad you came tonight,” Josie said.

“Me too.” 

“I’m guessing this isn’t really your kind of thing?” 

“Not really.” 

“What is your thing?” 

“Art.” Hope's response came quickly, and her eyes lit up. 

“Cool. Is that something that you can like, go to?” 

“Well, there’s art shows and galleries and stuff, yeah.” 

“I’ve been to the AGO a couple of times, only on school trips though,” she said sheepishly, feeling abruptly uncultured. 

“I have a membership there, and I can bring a…a friend.” Hope said the last word carefully. “If you ever want to go, I can take you.” 

A smile pulled at her cheeks, and she let her breath out slowly. Apparently, she’d been holding it. “I’d like that.” 

Hope smiled too. The prospect of going to the art gallery with Hope, of going anywhere with Hope, elated Josie. 

A cool breeze blew through the trees, rustling the few leaves that were still left around them, and Hope shivered. 

“You’re cold.” 

Josie took a step toward her, and ran her hand down the length of Hope's arm. 

“Yeah.” 

Hope's shaking seemed to worsen at Josie's touch. 

“Here.” She peeled the coat off her back and wrapped it around Hope's shoulders. 

Her cheeks warmed at how embarrassingly gentlemanly the gesture was. She wanted to be gallant for Hope, wanted to save her from things that she had mostly fabricated just so that she could play the hero. 

“Thanks.” Hope gave a small smile, and Josie moved both her hands over Hope's arms. None of her other friends had ever made her want to act this way. She was kind of acting like the guy. She let her hands drop at the realization. 

“So…” Josie said. She tried to grasp at something that would keep Hope there. More than anything, she wanted to remain alone with her, and at the same time, be as far away from Jacob as possible. “When do you want to go to the art gallery?” 

“Oh.” Hope looked down, and tucked auburn hair behind her ear. Had she misread the situation? 

“I mean…we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” 

“No, no,” Hope said quickly. “I want to go.” 

“Me too.” So badly. “How about next weekend? Are you busy?” 

“I’m not busy.” 

Josie felt a sudden swell of happiness bubble up in her chest. 

“Jo?” Dana was looking for her. They turned in the direction of the voice. 

Shit. She should holler back and tell Dana where she was. She’d been gone a while now, but then again, since when did she answer to Dana? When her voice came closer, paired with Olivia's, she looked at Hope and held her index finger to her mouth. Hope nodded her understanding, and they both barely breathed as the other girls walked past them. 

“Where did she go?” Olivia asked. “I thought I saw her come over here with what’s-her-face.” 

“God, she’s so weird,” Dana said. “Josie's really putting in the time to get with Jacob. If it were me, I’d tell him to ditch his weirdo sister if he wanted to be my boyfriend.” 

Olivia laughed. “You’re so bad.” 

Josie looked down when her friends were out of earshot, ashamed of them and ashamed of herself. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. What else could she say? They had no right to say those things. They had no right to judge anybody, especially Hope, who had shown such kindness that day with Lucky. “They…” she hesitated, “they can be cruel sometimes, but they’re wrong about you.” 

“You don’t have to do this, you know?” Hope shirked out of Josie's jacket and unceremoniously shoved it back into her stomach. “Jacob's already into you.” 

Josie blinked in surprise. “That’s not why I invited you.” 

“I thought you were into Jay?” 

“I am.” She took in a breath and looked down, kicking at some dirt with her shoe. “Sort of,” she added, feeling that she didn’t want to fully falsify anything to Hope. Sure, she wanted Jacob to like her because that’s what was expected, but she wanted to spend time with Hope for an entirely different reason, although she hadn’t exactly sussed out what that was yet. 

“You looked pretty in to him back there.” 

“Looks can be deceiving,” Josie said. Hope shrugged, and Josie became inexplicably annoyed. 

Was she the only one who didn’t want her to become Jacob's girlfriend? “It’s harder to be me sometimes than it looks.” 

“Hard to be Josie Saltzman? I find that difficult to believe. You’re a walking, talking god at our school.” 

How could she explain to Hope that sometimes she envied girls like her? That Hope could do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, because nothing was expected of her. That being a walking, talking god in high school meant saying and doing what was expected of you twenty-four hours a day, instead of what you really wanted. What do I really want? She was afraid of what the answer might be. 

Hope searched her eyes, and again, something stirred deep in her stomach. What the hell is wrong with me? 

“You don’t know what it’s like to be me. To say and do what everyone else wants all the time. It’s exhausting. I feel like a dancing bear most days.” 

“So, who would you be if you weren’t you then?” Josie didn’t know. She had no idea who she would be if she weren’t Lizzie's little sister. For as long as she could remember, her sister had called the shots, and she did as she was told. It wasn’t that she blamed Lizzie. She was grateful to her, but being Mini-Lizzie her entire life left little room for Josie and who she was supposed to become. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do?” 

“I guess everyone says they want to travel the world, but I don’t know if I want to. I don’t know what I want. I don’t really know who I am.” The weight of her own words settled in her stomach. How had she never realized this before? Maybe because no one’s ever asked. 

“That’s okay. You have your whole life to figure that out still.” 

“If you could do anything, what would you do?” 

“Draw,” she said without hesitation. 

“What would you draw?” 

“Everything,” Hope said whimsically. Josie was envious of the life shining in Hope's eyes. It didn’t take any cajoling to know that Hope had a passion, something she loved, and she was envious that Hope knew herself so well and that she had such adoration, such love, for anything. She was jealous that something could make her eyes sparkle like that, and an unpleasant feeling settled over her. 

“Well, you’re lucky. You can do whatever the fuck you want because no one cares what you do.” Josie widened her eyes when she realized how bad that sounded. Her words hung in the space between them. “I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t know what I expected.” Josie winced. There was moisture in Hope's eyes. She would give anything to take back what she had just said to her. “I don’t even know why you told me to come tonight.” 

There was more sadness in Hope's words than Josie cared to admit, because if she did, she’d want to comfort her, and that realization made her uneasy. “I wanted you to come.” How had their conversation taken such an awful turn? “I didn’t mean what I just said.” 

“No, you were right. It’s not like I don’t know that nobody likes me.” 

“That’s not true.” 

“I sh-shouldn’t have come tonight.” 

“I’m sorry.” What else was there to say? She’d ruined the night for them. 

“I thought you were different.” Josie opened her mouth to answer, unsure exactly of what would come out, but the silence was stolen from her. 

“Josie!” They turned at the sound. She didn’t want to go back to the party, to Jacob, to her friends. She didn’t know why, but she was more herself around Hope than she was around the friends she’d had for years. 

“You should go.”

“I don’t want to.” 

“Josie!” A new voice called, and Josie cringed. It was Lizzie. 

“They’re looking for you. We’d better go.” She wanted to argue again, but if Lizzie was looking for her, she had to go back. 

Hope walked ahead of her, and away from her friends. The smile grew on Jacob's face when she approached, and he wrapped his arm back around her as if it was the most natural thing in the world, so why did it feel so alien to her? She didn’t want his touch. What she wanted was to be back with Hope. She steeled her jaw, determined not to let thoughts of Hope get to her. 

Jacob's stare rested on her lips, and she dropped her gaze to his. Pale lips that so resembled Hope's. For a moment, she imagined that it was Hope's lips reaching for hers, and was startled when Jacob's mouth met hers. 

Her imagination surprised her as much as the wetness and pressure of Jacob's sloppy kiss. It wasn’t more than two seconds before he was pushing his tongue against her lips like a cold snake. She clenched her teeth to make sure he wouldn’t get through, and took a step away from him, breaking their connection. Jacob didn’t seem to care or understand that he’d been rejected as he smiled and put his arm back around her. She wasn’t sure why, but she searched for Hope. 

She was standing where they had left their bags, her arms wrapped around herself, her cheeks streaked with black makeup. “Something’s wrong with Hope,” she said to Jacob. 

She wanted to go over and ask her what was wrong, but her friends wouldn’t understand her going back to her. The fact that they hadn’t bugged her about where she’d gone off with her before was a gift in itself. Jacob took his arm from around her and went to check on Hope, and Josie was thankful for the gesture two-fold. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Jacob said loudly enough that Josie could hear. 

“I want to go home,” Hope said miserably. Josie's breath caught. 

Her friends babbled on about how hot Jacob was and how lucky she was that he kissed her. Lucky. She might have laughed if it hadn’t been so horrible. 

“We don’t have to be home for another hour.” Jacob looked back over his shoulder at Josie. Hope followed, and she glowered when her gaze met Josie's. 

“I want to go home now, Jacob.” 

“Okay, okay. Let me just go say goodbye.” Jacob broke back into their circle, between Alyssa and Dana. “We’re gonna take off. Hope wants to get going.” 

“So what?” Dana said. “She’s my sister,” Jacob said irritably. Josie gained her first solid shred of respect for him. 

Behind him and several feet back, Hope stood waiting with her shoulders hunched and her arms still wrapped around herself. The red rims of Hope's eyes were dark where makeup had been rubbed away, and Josie's heart gave a small tug. 

Why had Hope been crying? Was it because of what she had said to her in the woods? What the hell had she been thinking dragging her out to this party, and then treating her like she had? What scared her was that she knew exactly what she wanted, and that if Lizzie hadn’t come looking for her, she wasn’t sure of the irreparable damage she might have done to her reputation. It was as though she couldn’t help herself when it came to Hope. 

Already, Josie wanted to know when she would see her again. Jacob hugged her goodbye. “Can I get your number?” he asked. Thankful that he hadn’t tried to kiss her again, Josie didn’t protest when Alyssa excitedly dictated Josie's number for her so that he could write it down in the notebook that he’d drawn from his bag. 

“Thanks.” He smiled at both Alyssa and Josie. “My parents don’t let us have cell phones, but I’ll call and give you my number this weekend.” She nodded, and he and Hope walked off into the darkness. When she could no longer see them, she felt a sudden sadness come over her. 

“I’m not feeling so great anymore,” Josie announced to no one in particular. “I’m going to see if Lizzie is ready to go.” 

“Come on, it’s early,” Dana said. One stern look told them she meant her words, and they didn’t try to argue with her again when she left to find Lizzie. 

“Hey, little sister.” Lizzie smiled. “What’s up?” 

“I was wondering if you wanted to head out. I’m not feeling so great.” It wasn’t a lie, although she did allow Lizzie to think it was from the alcohol and not from Jacob's kisses and Hope's departure. 

“Sure, sure. Are you going to puke?” 

“No.” They walked to the car in silence, Lizzie seeming to sense Josie's foul mood and leaving her to it. 

Lizzie pulled out of the parking lot, and Josie was relieved as soon as they were away from the park and on the road home. 

“So, how’d you like your first real high school party?” 

“It was okay.” Josie shifted in her seat and stared out the window. 

“I saw you talking to Jacob Mikaelson.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Anything going on between you guys? He’s pretty cute, for a niner.” 

“He kissed me,” Josie said, still looking out the window. 

“You don’t sound very excited about that.” 

She should sound and feel excited. Two years ago, if the cutest boy in her class had paid her attention, she would have been swooning at just the thought of him, but something had changed in her. At some point over the last couple of years, kissing a hot guy had lost its luster. It had become mechanical. Something she did because Lizzie encouraged her to, or she felt it was expected of her. 

“Do you always like it when you kiss a guy?” 

“I don’t know. Not if I don’t like him, but even then it’s exciting, you know?” 

No, Josie didn’t know, and Lizzie's response only solidified that something was wrong with her. 

“Hey, it’s no big deal if you didn’t like kissing Jacob,” Lizzie said soothingly. “Just because he’s good looking doesn’t mean you have to be in to him.” 

“How do you know when you’re in to someone?” Her voice was quiet. 

“What do you mean?” Lizzie looked at her before returning her focus to the road. 

“Like, how do you know if you, you know, have feelings for someone?” 

“You just know.” When Josie looked back out the window, Lizzie's countenance changed. “Haven’t you ever had butterflies in your stomach or gotten excited just from being around a guy?” 

No, she had never gotten butterflies in her stomach from a guy. No one had ever made her feel…wait…someone had. The blood drained from her face. She’d felt it just that night. A funny feeling in her stomach, a flutter in her chest, a tug in her lower abdomen…when she was around Hope. 

Shit. 

“What is it, Jo?” 

“I don’t think I feel that way about Jacob.” She was scared her confession would be met with disapproval from Lizzie, but she was tired of keeping up appearances. She’d had enough for one night. “I don’t think I want to date him.” 

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” Lizzie's words were infinitely more comforting that she could have known, and her kindness, mixed with a few shots of vodka, encouraged Josie to say what she did next. 

“What if who I like is someone other people might not like?” 

“What do you mean?” Lizzie turned to her. Josie could not look at Lizzie. As much as she wanted to say it, to know that it was okay, she kept to herself that she might feel about Jacob's sister how she should feel about Jacob. Lizzie wouldn’t understand. She didn’t even understand. She wasn’t even sure herself that’s what was happening. Saying anything to Lizzie about it would be plain stupid. Hope was interesting, intriguing. That was all. She’d never known anyone like her. 

That didn’t mean she… It didn’t mean anything. “Never mind.”

She’d had too much to drink; that was all. She’d had too much to drink, and everything would feel better in the morning when she was sober. Jacob was a nice guy. He would call and want to see her again, and she would let him.


	6. Chapter 6

Bewildered didn’t begin to explain Hope's feelings. 

The walk home from the party with Jacob was its own unique kind of torture. What happened at the party? When they’d walked into the park and Hope realized that she was at a party with all of the popular kids, even seniors, she’d wanted to run home. These were the kids who’d made fun of her for almost her entire life, and now she was offering herself up as a vessel for their torture. They didn’t torture her though. They didn’t so much as look at her funny after Josie brought her into their circle. How easy it must be for Josie. 

She had that something about her that made everyone else stop, listen, and obey. There probably wasn’t anything that Josie wanted and didn’t get. 

“I knew she was in to me. I knew it!” Jacob punched the air and let out a yelp. He hadn’t shut up the whole walk home about how great he was feeling, and about how Josie was going to be his girlfriend. 

Was she? She shook off the unpleasant cringe, and continued to walk silently beside him, praying his lips would stop moving. Josie talked to her at the party. So what? Josie talked to a lot of people that night. In fact, before she’d pulled her aside, she’d talked to everybody but her. Why had she done that? When she had walked away to be on her own, she didn’t think that anyone would even notice, especially not Josie. 

She and Jacob had seemed so wrapped up in one another, with Josie hanging on his every word, and Jacob becoming touchier and touchier with her until, for some reason, Hope could no longer stand it and had to walk away. Hope replayed Josie coming over to her, pulling at her arm until they were away from everyone else. It made no sense. She’d been talking to Jacob and her jerky friends the whole night, so there was no explaining why she’d come up to her and said she wanted to talk to her “friend.” 

Were they friends? Not having any others, it was hard to make a comparison. Maybe they could be considered friends, of a sort. Josie had asked her about what she liked to do. She’d told her some personal things as well. Josie had even told her she was pretty. 

Hope's cheeks warmed at the memory. She replayed Josie's words over and over, burying them deep inside of her. She couldn’t remember the last time someone told her she was pretty, but she was fairly certain it had been her mom. When Josie looked at her, she felt something she had never felt before. It was as if something was being tugged inside of her, pulling her body toward Josie whenever she was around. Again, Hope felt that odd feeling in her stomach, like a weight had just been dropped there. 

“Hey, why did you get so upset tonight? Did someone say something to you?” Jacob asked, as if finally remembering that she was a person and not just a sounding board for his night with Josie. 

“I’m fine. No one said anything.” They turned down their street, and Hope quickened her pace, eager to get away from Jacob. How could she explain why she’d gotten so upset when she wasn’t sure herself? 

Jacob turned the key slowly and they took off their shoes as quietly as possible. They weren’t late for their curfew, but Jacob had been drinking, and he was worried their dad might smell it on him. Hope ran up the stairs, not waiting to answer Jacob's whispered question about if he should ask Josie out that weekend or not. In that moment, she couldn’t bear the thought of Jacob asking Josie out. 

She couldn’t stand the idea of sharing her with him. Sharing her? Did she really think she had some kind of claim on Josie just because they’d talked a few times? Did she expect Josie to see more than the loser everyone else saw? How could she ever like someone like you? Her thoughts were pathetic even to herself. Here she was, alone in her room, and all she could think about was Josette Saltzman. What was it about girls like that? It wasn’t just girls like that though. 

She hadn’t given a second thought to Dana, Olivia, or Alyssa. Sure, she knew them by name—who didn’t—but she never thought about them when they weren’t right in front of her, and she barely gave them any consideration even then. There was something different about Josie. She had never felt a pull toward someone like she did with her. 

When Josie had taken her jacket off and put it around her arms, Hope felt something clench inside her chest. It was the kindest thing anyone outside of her family had ever done for her. The coat smelled like Josie, fresh and fruity, and Hope took in deep lungfuls of her scent, wishing she could fill herself up with it. She’d never had thoughts like that about anyone before. 

She reached for the drawing of Josie. Once in her hands, she laid it gently on the bed, and sat beside it. She traced over Josie's every feature. When she looked at her lips, she saw her brother kiss them. She had known what was going to happen as she watched them, and yet she was surprised by the pressure she felt in her chest. It was like she couldn’t breathe. When she’d heard a sob, it had taken her a moment to realize it was her own. 

The agony pitted itself all over again. Why did the memory of Jacob kissing Josie make her feel this way? She couldn’t understand her feelings. The more she stared at those charcoal lips, the deeper that funny feeling rooted itself in her stomach, until she could take it no longer. She brought the paper to her mouth, the charcoal lips to her own, and kissed them. She ripped the drawing away, ashamed. She licked her lips and tasted charcoal. The heat of her mouth smeared the drawing of Josie's. 

She tore the paper in half, the confusion of what she’d just done overtaking her. She squished the destroyed drawing deep into the bottom of her waste paper bin. She would never think about Josette Saltzman again. 

* * * * * * * * *

“Hope, get up. We’re going to be late.” Jacob closed the door as abruptly as he’d opened it, so quickly that he missed Hope's grumbled response. 

She’d overslept, and they might actually be late for church. Her dad would have gone to work hours ago to put the final touches on his sermon, to make sure there were no unexpected problems, and to greet the parishioners by name. Atlanta was a big city, but church communities were small, and her father had been a minister at Our Lady of Worship for as long as she could remember. Sunday was the one time Hope didn’t bother starting a war with her parents over her clothing and makeup. She was going into God’s house, and she didn’t want to be disrespectful. She brushed her teeth and hair, threw on a black and gray, below-the-knee, tweed pencil skirt, with a strappy black tank top, and a black cardigan to go over it. 

Sure, she may look like she was going to a funeral, but as far as respectable-ladies’ wear went, this outfit was one of her only options. Jacob and her mom were waiting by the door, her mother impatiently tapping her foot as well as the keys against her hip, giving Hope a look that said, if she’d been one second later coming down those stairs, they would have left without her. 

Jacob took the front seat, as usual, and her mother put on one of her oldie radio stations from the eighties. Finally, Don’t You Forget About Me came on, and Hope could at least appreciate one song during the ride. The houses drifted by the window, and a melancholic sadness washed over her. It was getting colder out, and the pedestrians on North Avenue were wearing fall coats and boots. A few were even wearing scarves. They drove by a couple of teenagers, the girl pulling the boy’s hand forward toward a pile of fallen leaves, and the feeling rooted deeper inside her. 

What would that be like? Normally, when she thought of boys, it was only of how unnatural kissing one would feel. Huh. That gave her pause. Unnatural. Something about that word resonated, but she wasn’t sure why. Her mother pulled into the space designated for Reverend Mikaelson. He liked to walk to church Sunday mornings if the weather allowed for it. He said he felt God move through him as the wind sailed through his lungs and cleared his mind. 

Hope had tried the same tactic before. She’d tried to feel God in nature, but where she truly found Him was in her art. When she was drawing or painting, she felt something move through her, take over her, and if anything, it was the most religious experience she knew.

The pews were packed as they walked into the old church. It was built in the sixties, and Hope felt stifled as the stale air and exhalations of thousands of people from the past entered her body. Why did all churches smell so bad? They were old buildings with hundreds of people moving through them every week, but so were schools, and they did not smell like this. Despite the high ceilings, it was as if she was sharing the same air with everyone around her, and it made her queasy. 

Her father was poised at the front, ready to start the sermon. He would be disappointed that they hadn’t been there to greet the parishioners with him as was their custom, and it was her fault for being late. He eyed them with slight disapproval as they took their seats in the front row. Once they had settled, he raised his arms to indicate that all should stand. The morning prayers began with the hymn “How Great Thou Art,” and the congregation joined in. The melody was always off, but that didn’t stop the worshippers from belting out off-key in the name of the Lord. “Then I shall bow, in humble adoration, and then proclaim, My God, how great Thou art.” Hope finished with the rest of them, her voice lower than that of her mother’s and even Jacob's, who had that same smirk on his lips that he reserved for Sunday service and evening grace. 

When had that started? Jacob seemed as devout as she was when they were younger, but something in the last year or so seemed to have shifted, and she perceived mockery and disdain behind Jacob's devotions these days. 

“Welcome, brothers and sisters. Please be seated.” There was the usual loud shuffling as everyone resumed their seats and picked up their bibles. “How fortunate we all are to be here again on another Sunday to worship in the light of the Almighty. Praise be.” 

“Praise be,” the congregation echoed. 

“As Thanksgiving approaches, I want to talk about the notion of being thankful. It has been said that without suffering, we cannot know the greatness of God. Had God not tested Job, we would not understand the kindness and salvation of God. Had Jesus not been crossed and sacrificed, we would not know to be joyous in the alleviation of suffering. It is only through hardship that we learn to give thanks for our blessings.” A few of the parishioners nodded, mumbled agreement, and let free a few amens. 

“How would we know salvation, if we did not first suffer? How would we know that Jesus entered our hearts, if they were not empty before? Colossians one-fourteen teaches us that it is God in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. It is God alone who purchased our freedom, through our faith in Him. The greatest glory of God is His forgiveness in us, and ours, our faith and thankfulness for all that He provides, including our salvation.” There were a few more muttered amens before her father continued. 

“We’re all busy. We lead busy lives. We have families, children, jobs. All things that keep us occupied. Sure, we may remember to say grace at meals, and on Thanksgiving, we thank God for all of our blessings throughout the year, but how often do we forget to give thanks for the greatest gift of all? The gift of salvation. We take for granted that God raised us up with His mighty hand from sin to salvation. That He took us from the cesspools of our sin and gave us everlasting life, for the only way to heaven is through the Eternal. Think of all of the sinners God has reached out to and saved. Think of the robbers, murderers, and con men who He has washed clean of their evil ways, replacing their lust for sinister deeds with the glory of the word of God." 

He continued, "Leviticus twenty-thirteen teaches us that if a man lies with a man as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. How many of you know a homosexual? I am proud to say that I only knew homosexuals, because through the word, the Almighty came into their lives and cleansed them. Freed them of their sin. Cured them of their unnatural lust and filled them with love.” 

Unnatural. 

The word slid through Hope's chest like a knife, cutting deep. She couldn’t breathe. The room was stifling. 

“Are you okay?” Jacob whispered beside her. She shook her head and he squeezed her shoulder. “Breathe.” 

Somehow, at Jacob's words, she was able to breathe again, shallowly at first, but she was taking in air. What the hell had just happened to her? 

“Adulterers who choose passion over purity…” her father blathered on, but she only heard him in the background. Her head swam with the sensation that had just overtaken her. 

Unnatural. 

None of her father’s sermons had ever had such a visceral effect on her. There was something else to it. The thing that caught her breath was the simultaneous vision she’d had of Josie when he’d spoken those words. Words that she’d heard before, but until that moment, they had been as meaningless as a complex equation. 

“Are you okay?” Jacob repeated, but she couldn’t look at him. He sounded genuinely concerned, and her distress had been caused by thoughts of his soon-to-be-girlfriend. 

God, what’s happening to me? She wanted to laugh at the thought of appealing to God here in church about the thoughts she wished she wasn’t having. She hated that Jacob kissed Josie. It felt like a betrayal. She’d felt so happy when Josie pulled her aside and made her feel special, as if she was the only person at the party who mattered. When Josie put her jacket around her and rubbed her arms for warmth, Hope had felt it down through to her toes. It was the most amazing and terrifying thing she had ever felt. 

“I’m fine,” she whispered, knowing she was anything but.


	7. Chapter 7

It was early Sunday afternoon, and Josie woke to her ringtone. She didn’t recognize the number, but it was local. 

She picked up. “Hello?” 

“Josie? It’s Jacob.” The excitement in his voice was almost palpable, and her heart sank a little. 

The resolve she’d created on Friday night to go out with him was failing her. She’d spent Saturday wondering if he would call, half of her hoping that he would so that she could get on with her plan, and the other half immensely relieved not to have to go through with it. 

“Hey, how’s it going?” she asked. 

“Good, you?” 

“Well, thanks.” 

“Good,” he repeated. “So, what are you up to today?” Josie panicked. Was he going to ask her to get together? 

“I have lots of homework to do. I’ll probably be in all day.” There was a short pause, so she prattled on to fill it. “I have a lot of projects coming up, so I wanted to get started on them. My parents can be really strict about that kind of stuff.” True, her parents expected her to get excellent grades, but when it came to studying and homework, they left her to her own devices. The truth was, they weren’t home often enough to know whether she did her homework or not. 

“That sucks. My parents can be pretty strict about some things too. When I’m eighteen, I’m going to do whatever I want.” 

“Me too,” Josie said, not really sure what she was agreeing to. 

“So, that party was fun.” 

“It was.” Both of them were silent for a moment. “Did Hope have an okay time?” 

“I think she did. What do you know about Tom Hawkins? He’s a year older than us, and I saw him talking to her,” he said protectively. Josie empathized with his concern. 

“He’s okay. I don’t think they hit it off,” she said, hoping it was true. 

“Good.” 

“What do you and Hope usually do on the weekends?” she asked, unable to stop herself from bringing her up again. It was like she just wanted to hear Hope's name, and she would say it herself if she had to. 

“Well, Sundays we go to church. Just got back, actually. Then I usually meet up with some buddies and play video games or something. Hope doesn’t go out much. She spends a lot of time in her room drawing and listening to music.” The image made Josie smile. She relaxed on her back and crossed her legs, getting comfortable on her bed. She flipped her long hair out from under her neck and let it splay around. 

“What kind of art does she like?” 

“She draws a lot of people and things.” Obviously, Jacob was not an artist. She’d have to push further. 

“How long has she been drawing for?” 

“Her whole life, I guess. She’s really good.” Josie conjured up the image of a child, a little, cute Hope, her hands covered in finger paint. It made her grin. 

“Is she in one of the art classes at school?” 

“Yeah, but the stuff she does on her own is better. You should see some of her sketchbooks. They’re amazing.” 

Josie had the urge to pore over Hope's sketchbooks for hours. The few drawings she’d seen the afternoon in the alley made her wish she had flipped through more pages. 

“So—” Jacob started to ask a question that was sure not to end in something about his sister. 

“Has Hope always kept to herself?” she interrupted. Jacob let out a long breath. 

“Yeah, I mean ever since I can remember. We were separated in school in the second grade. The teachers told my parents it would be better for our social development if we weren’t able to stick together, but that didn’t work out so well for Hope. My parents are really strict, like really strict, especially when it comes to her. When we were kids, she always tried so hard to do what they said, and I think that might be part of why she’s always been shy. It just got worse as we got older. Maybe it’s cause she’s an artist or something. That’s what my parents think, but she’s just different, I guess.” For the first time, Josie hung on to every one of Jacob's words. 

“That’s sad,” she thought aloud. “Are you guys twins? I mean, you’re the same age and in the same grade, right?” 

Jacob laughed. “Nothing gets by you.” 

“So, when’s your collective birthday?” 

“February fourteenth.” 

“Valentine’s Day?” Something about Hope's birthday being on Valentine’s Day made her face heat up. 

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Josie, why do you think people at school don’t like her?” The question was so genuine that the small piece of affection she felt for Jacob grew. 

“I like her.” Once the words were out of her mouth, her eyes widened, and she was glad that they were having this conversation over the phone where he couldn’t see her. “I mean, I think she’s okay,” she said, her face becoming hotter. “I mean, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her.” Get off the phone, a voice in her head commanded her, and she was happy someone was taking control. “Oh, I gotta go. My mom’s calling me. Bye.” She hung up, not caring what Jacob thought of her reaction. She had bigger things to worry about. 

“I do not like her,” she said aloud and forced a laugh, trying to brush the whole thing off as some preposterous joke. 

“Jo, are you off the phone?” Josie stilled at Lizzie's voice, hoping her sister hadn’t heard her monologue. “Yeah,” she said back. 

Lizzie opened the door to her bedroom. “I’m heading to Yorkdale with Marga. Wanna come?” Shopping always took her mind off things. She would get ready, call the girls, and go shopping. And not think about Hope all day,she added to her list of to-dos. 

* * * * * * * * 

Josie put on her best clothes, curled those irresistibly long twists into her hair, and applied her favorite golden eye shadow. She was confident as she rode to school with Lizzie, who talked the whole way about how she was back together with Sebastian, but she did take a moment to tell Josie how sharp she looked in her new pants and shirt. 

Her confidence grew when she stepped into homeroom. She waited impatiently as all of the students filled their seats. Jacob entered and looked her up and down appreciatively, which registered as annoying in the back of her mind. When the bell rang, panic set in. It’s okay, she’s just late. When fifteen minutes passed, she grew desperate, and risked getting caught passing notes in the front row when she scribbled one down and passed it to Jacob. 

'What did you do yesterday? Where is your sister?' 

He took the note and wrote back when Ms. Tig turned again to the whiteboard. 

'I played ball hockey with some friends and saw a movie. Hope is sick.' He finished the note off with his phone number. “In case you want to call me next time,” he whispered. 

She already knew his number from her call display, which she had only saved to her favorites because she wanted to be able to avoid his next call. And because it’s Hope's number. She’d learned that Hope didn’t have Facebook when she’d spent a good hour trying to find her profile the night before. Finally, giving up on finding it on her own, she’d searched Jacob's name. If she friended him then she’d likely have access to Hope's profile as well. She hadn’t been sure if she was going to add her, thinking about what the reaction from her friends would be, but that didn’t stop her from wanting to look. 

Unfortunately, her efforts had been fruitless. She supposed that their parents didn’t let them have social media accounts either, just like their lack of cell phones. Josie's parents were strict when it came to her grades, but not with things like going out late or staying out overnight. What would it be like to have parents that cared like that? All the confidence that she had built up rushed out of her. Despite telling herself that she wasn’t going to think about Hope anymore, that’s exactly what she had done the entire weekend. 

Even the outfit she was wearing had been picked with the idea of Hope appreciating it in mind. When she’d tried it on in the store, she pictured Hope's reaction. Why else would she ever choose skintight black leather pants, a loose, grunge band, white T-shirt, and a black, in-style vest that hung loosely over it? She had gone through a lot of effort—and a good chunk of her parents’ credit card balance—to put it together. 

Josie tried to seem cheerful, but she felt like an idiot for wasting her new clothes on a day when Hope wasn’t even going to be there for their three classes together. Was Hope really sick? Was someone at home taking care of her? Did both of her parents work? She actually knew very little about the girl who had occupied the majority of her thoughts lately. She was supposed to be obsessing over boys and classes. 

That’s not me, she realized. If she wasn’t just like Lizzie and Dana and the rest of her friends—boy-crazy and dying to get down their pants—then what did that make her? She could remember having crushes on boys in elementary school, but she had run away from them in the schoolyard, and always opted to hang out with Bronte and her older, female friends. Lizzie's friends were so cool and pretty, and she loved the attention that they lavished on her as Lizzie's adorable little sister. 

She would follow them around, trying to emulate the way they acted and dressed, wanting to impress them in any way she could. That was normal though. Lots of girls idolized older girls. Unbidden, she remembered a sleepover in the fourth grade. She had stayed at her friend Joanne’s house for her birthday party, and when they all went to bed, Joanne’s sixteen-year-old sister came around and kissed all of the girls goodnight. When Joanne’s sister kissed her forehead, the place her lips had touched burned for long after. She couldn’t even remember her name now, but she remembered having the thought that she would never wash her forehead again. She hadn’t thought anything of the incident at the time, or of the way it had made her feel, but something about it made more sense to her now than any of Lizzie's advice about boys and blowjobs. 

Jacob's lips would never be able to do that to her. 

“I wish I didn’t have to take Hope's homework to her after school. Some of the guys are going to play a game of pick-up,” Jacob said. Josie's body buzzed at the opportunity. 

“I can bring Hope her homework.” Class was over. Apparently, she’d spent it daydreaming. “I mean, I have more classes with her. We have biology and law together too. If you tell me her other classes, I can stop by and get her work from her teachers.” 

“You’d do that for me?” Jacob's smile was huge, and a knot of guilt tied itself in her stomach, but it wasn’t nearly large enough to overwhelm the slightly frightening knowledge that she would do anything that day to see Hope. 

Josie nodded, and Jacob gave her a hug. “Thanks so much. You’re the best.” He gave her an extra squeeze before releasing her. 

* * * * * * * * * * 

Josie sprinted from class to class, gathering up Hope's assignments. Jacob had given her his address and suggested a shortcut to save a few minutes, and she practically ran out of her last class, unable to contain her excitement any longer. 

“Hey, aren’t we going to have a smoke?” Dana asked Josie as she rushed by her. 

“Oh.” Josie's shoulders fell. She hadn’t even noticed her. “Yeah, I guess.” 

Dana pulled two cigarettes out of her pocket and lit them both then handed one to Josie. 

“What are you up to now? Want to go to Yorkdale?” 

“I think my parents are going to freak enough when they get my credit card bill,” she said, avoiding Dana’s first question. 

She had found Lizzie at lunch and told her that she’d gotten stuck taking homework to someone since they had some of the same classes together. When Lizzie offered to give her a ride, she said she had to explain some of the assignments to her, and that it might be awhile. That was kind of true. They’d been given a mock courtroom assignment in law, and without Hope there to choose a partner, Josie had brazenly told the teacher that she would work with her. Aside from garnering a few sidelong looks, this made for the perfect excuse to linger a little longer than just dropping her homework off in case Hope tried to dismiss her quickly. 

“We don’t have to buy anything,” Dana said. She handed out two more cigarettes when Olivia and Alyssa joined them. 

“I have to go work on an assignment today with a partner anyway.” Josie took a long drag of her cigarette, trying to make it disappear faster. 

“Who’s your partner?” 

“Hope Mikaelson,” she said levelly through a stream of smoke, and tried to gauge their reactions. 

“That sucks.” Dana laughed. Josie narrowed her eyes. 

“She’s not that bad.” 

“If you say so,” Dana said without conviction. Fucking right. Josie was their leader, and they were unlikely to argue with her over something relatively trivial. “Where are you working on it? If you go to her house, you’ll probably get to see Jaaacob.” Dana nudged her, as if she now understood why Josie didn’t seem disappointed in being Hope's partner. 

Josie allowed herself to grin, letting them think it meant whatever they wanted it to. “Well, gotta go.” She dropped her half-smoked cigarette, and ground it soundly with her boot into the sidewalk. 

She used the ten-minute walk to Hope's house to try to calm her nerves. She had started to sweat in anticipation, so she slowed even further, hoping it was the exercise that had her heart beating faster. She liberally spritzed herself with strawberry body spray, and popped a piece of peppermint gum into her mouth. She knocked, and a middle-aged woman appeared. She was a little taller than Hope, and had dark brown hair and hazel-green eyes. 

“Yes?” 

“Hi, I’m Josie. I have Hope's homework.” She held up her bag as if it were a piece of evidence. “We have a group project to do,” she added. She didn’t want Hope's mother to take the work and shoo her out. 

“Come in.” She moved aside for Josie to enter. The woman closed the door behind her, and stared at Josie's feet until she got the hint that she should take her boots off, which she wasn’t thrilled about as they completed her outfit. “Hope is upstairs in her room. It’s the one on the right. Why don’t you head up and I’ll bring you girls a snack in a little bit?” 

“Thank you, Mrs. Mikaelson.” She nodded. “Go on, I’ll be up in a minute. Oh, and tell her to take her medicine. She’s been fighting me on it all day.” 

Josie walked up the stairs, but once she was standing outside Hope's bedroom door, she froze. What was she doing? Hope never really seemed all that happy to see her. Why should this time be any different? Her hands were sweating, and she wanted to run away, but Hope's mom knew that she was there. She’d even supplied her name to the woman. Josie bit her bottom lip apprehensively and knocked lightly on the door. 

“Come in.” Hope called from the other side. Hesitantly, she opened the door and slowly walked into the room, pushing the handle closed behind her. 

“What are you doing here?” Hope's eyes widened and she jumped out of bed. She swayed a little, as if woozy. Hope looked as embarrassed as Josie felt, and Josie flushed and looked away as if Hope were naked. 

“I’m sorry. Your mom sent me up. I brought your homework.” Hope shuffled around and jammed a black hoodie over her head. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Hope really was sick. Her hair was a little matted from sweat and sleep, and her nose was red from having been blown too many times. “Your mom wants you to take your medicine.” 

“It tastes awful,” Hope whined, and Josie laughed. 

“You sound like a little kid,” Josie chided with a smile. She dropped her school bag on the floor and moved to Hope's bedside. “I’m sorry about the party.” She picked up the cough medicine and kept her eyes down, examining the bottle. It was cherry flavored. She’d had this particular brand of poison before. “I didn’t mean what I said about no one caring what you do, and I keep thinking about it and how awful it sounded. It came out the wrong way. I hope you know that.” She lifted her gaze and met Hope's. 

“I was just jealous that you have something that you love so much.” They were both silent a moment before Hope nodded, and relief washed through Josie's entire body. “Have a little.” Josie opened the cap that doubled as a measuring cup, and filled it halfway with the sickeningly sweet, bright red liquid. She held it forward to Hope, who took it reluctantly, swallowed, and made a face. “Good girl. Now get back in bed. You don’t have to impress me.” 

Hope got back into bed with a low groan. “Why didn’t Jacob bring my homework?” She asked suspiciously. 

“He wanted to go play some sport with his friends, so I said I would take it to you.” Hope was propped up on two pillows, more lying down than sitting up. Josie sat down on the side of the bed and pulled her school bag over to her. She reached inside it for a stack of papers and dropped them unceremoniously on Hope's lap, who let out another groan at the weight of the work. 

Josie winced, biting her bottom lip. “Sorry.” 

“I bet you regret inviting me to that party,” Hope said. 

“No.” Josie shook her head. “The most fun I had that night was with you.” Hope's face was flushed. 

“You look like you might have a fever.” Josie raised the back of her hand to her forehead. “I can’t tell, but I think my hand’s a little sweaty.” 

“My mom always tests with her lips.” Hope's words sluiced through her, down into her core. 

Uninvited, she leaned forward, slowly reaching for Hope's forehead with her lips. Hope's skin was warm, and though she only let her mouth lightly touch the surface of it, when she pulled back, she tasted salt on her lips. The contact, brief as it was, sent a jolt deep inside. No one had ever affected her the way that Hope did. Not even Joanne’s sister when she had done the same thing to her years ago. She had been just a child then. Now, she wasn’t sure what it meant. 

“You’re burning up,” Josie whispered, but it was her own cheeks that were on fire. Hope sharing how her mom checked her temperature probably hadn’t meant she wanted Josie to do the same, but she couldn’t stop herself. 

In Hope's presence, she found that she wanted to try to touch her any way that she could, and the temptation to put her lips to her forehead was too much to withstand. For a moment, she could think of nothing other than what she had just done could be considered a kind of kiss, and a whirlpool of emotion opened inside her chest. Why did the feel of Hope's forehead have her head swimming, when Jacob's kiss had done nothing but shut her down? 

“Josie?” Hope asked, her face touched with concern. 

“Do you need anything?” Josie cleared her throat. She couldn’t allow Hope to see how much what she’d just done was affecting her. 

Hope shook her head, and Josie said, “Do you think you’ll be in class tomorrow?” 

“I don’t know.” She shrugged and settled deeper into her pillows. 

“Okay, well I don’t want to bug you for too long, but I need to explain some of this stuff to you.” She was rushing into things now, but she couldn’t help it. She was slightly terrified by whatever was happening to her up in Hope's bedroom. “This is your homework for English.” Josie took the top sheet of questions on To Kill a Mockingbird from the pile and moved it to the other side of Hope on the bed. “Here is your math homework,” she said with an empathetic groan. 

“For biology, you just have to read the next chapter after the one we went over today.” She looked at the next stack of sheets in the pile. “Oh yeah, this is your society homework. You need to research an indigenous tribe and explain how they have kept their culture separate from today’s society, and also list some of the ways that they have adapted to western culture. It’s not due until the holiday break though.” She handed the papers to her. 

Hope looked at them, but quickly put the stack down on top of the others that Josie was laying aside. “For art, you missed a talk on Rococo, and Mr. Comte wants you to see him when you’re back so that he can go over some of the points with you. He also said that you should have a new drawing in your sketchbook for every day of school that you miss. For law, we were given a group assignment.” Josie handed her the final piece of paper. 

“We have to partner up and put together a mock trial about the crime our group was given, and then the classroom will act as the jury and choose which is the better argument. We’re not supposed to know if the accused is guilty or not, cause he doesn’t want us leading the arguments with that.” 

“Who’s my partner?” Hope's attention was focused on her bedspread. Apparently, there was a fascinating loose thread on it. 

“I am.” Josie pulled her notebook out of her bag. “That’s the crime we’ve been assigned.” She pointed to the sheet in Hope's hand. “We got stuck with burglary. Some of the other ones were a lot cooler, but we didn’t get to choose.” 

“How did that happen?” Hope asked, an expression of disbelief on her face. 

“He just handed the assignments out randomly once we chose our groups. Some groups got three people, so they get to put the accused on the stand, which is kind of cool.” 

“No, I mean how did we end up being partners?” 

“Oh.” She dug around for a pencil in her bag. “I chose you.” Josie finally stopped fidgeting, and met Hope's gaze. 

“Why?” Well, she couldn’t tell her that she chose her so that Hope would be forced to spend time with her, so she decided on a reasonably less complicated answer. 

“I was already taking your work home for you, so I figured it’d just be easy for us to do the assignment together. This way, if you don’t come back to class the next couple of days, which I don’t think you will with that fever, I can hand it in for us. That means we need to start working on it now though. Are you okay with me staying awhile?” 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Hope cleared her throat and ran a hand through her matted hair. “I just wish I had known you were coming so that I could have showered or something.” 

“Don’t worry. You look cute when you’re sick.” A smile curved on Hope's lips. “Geez, it’s hot in here.” She felt very much like she was the one with the fever. 

Just then, Hope's mom opened the door, and Josie had never been so happy to see anyone in her life. 

“Thought you girls might like something to eat.” She placed a tray on Hope's bedside table. Josie moved some of the other things over so that Hope's mom could put down the plate of cookies, two bananas, and two glasses of iced tea. 

“Please, join hands,” Mrs. Mikaelson said. Hope gave her mother a pleading look. Mrs. Mikaelson took hold of her left hand, and Hope tentatively grabbed her right. Hope's hand was warm, and although a little clammy, the feeling of it sitting in her own made Josie hot all over. 

“Heavenly Father, we thank you for this food. We thank you for my husband’s job in your service that allows us to humbly afford it, and this house, in which we are able to receive guests. We thank you for the visit of Hope's friend, and ask that you bless her, and show her the teachings of the Lord, so that she may be saved and not tempted by the ways of evil. Amen.” 

During the prayer, Hope and her mother had their eyes closed, and Josie was completely out of place. She was surprised by the look of devotion on Hope's face. Hope's mother released her hand first, and Hope followed, removing hers more slowly from her grasp. 

“Thank you, Mrs. Mikaelson,” Josie forced herself to say. She followed her to the door and closed it behind her when she left. “What was that?” she asked, and leaned against the door. 

“I don’t know how much Jacob has told you about our family.”

“Nothing really. I haven’t talked much to Jacob about anything, to be honest.” 

“Oh.” Hope tucked a strand of matted auburn hair behind her ear. “My dad is the minister at Our Lady of Worship, the Christian school where we went before. My family is pretty religious.” 

“All of you?” Josie asked carefully. 

“Yes,” she said slowly. “Jacob not so much anymore, but he was always given a little more freedom from the church than I was.” 

“So you believe in all that stuff?” 

“It’s not stuff.” Hope shifted, looking uncomfortable. “I know you don’t believe in it–” 

“How do you know what I believe?” Josie walked back to the bed and resumed her seat on the edge. 

“I don’t. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed.” 

“Why do you believe in it?” Hope looked down. 

“I’ve just never questioned how I feel, I guess.” 

“How do you know that there’s someone out there, watching us?” 

“You make it sound creepy.” 

“Maybe it is,” Josie said flippantly. Hope shook her head. 

“It’s not about being watched. It’s about feeling like a part of something.” 

“When do you feel like that?” 

“I guess…I guess I feel it most when I draw. If you look around you at the world, at the sky and the trees, animals and lakes, if you stop for a minute and remove yourself from everyday life, there’s this peace that flows through everything like a stream. I feel that current run through me when I draw or paint. I feel connected to something, to everything, on a different level. It’s hard to explain.” 

“No.” Josie shook her head. “I think you’re doing a pretty good job of it. I wish I felt a part of something like that. You make it sound so beautiful.” She swallowed. “But what about the other part?” 

“What other part?” Hope looked at her skeptically. 

“You know, the part where you’re not allowed to do anything. The part where you have to feel guilty about everything, just because you’re human and you make mistakes.” 

“God forgives our mistakes,” Hope said automatically. 

“What if…what if it’s something you don’t think is a mistake?” 

“If you don’t think it’s a mistake, why would you worry about it?” Josie blinked. That was a good question. 

“What if other people thought it was a mistake?” 

“I guess I don’t see things like that,” Hope continued. “The only thing I’ve ever wanted to do is draw, and my beliefs don’t keep me from doing that.” 

“What if you ever started to want…other things? Would you give up something you wanted because a book written two thousand years ago told you to?” 

“It’s not that simple.” 

“Well, it sounds to me like you believe in something that doesn’t let you have what you want.” 

“Maybe sometimes the things that we want aren’t good for us.” 

“Like what?” Josie asked carefully. It was beyond wishful thinking to imagine that Hope's mind had gone where hers had, to the feel of her hand in hers, and the way she felt her stomach flutter when she looked into her eyes. 

“Drugs…drinking…I don’t know.” She should stop, but something inside of her kept pushing, as if arguing with Hope could bring some kind of reprieve to the inner turmoil she’d been feeling since meeting her. 

“What if what you want isn’t bad though? What if it feels really good, and people just think it’s bad?” 

“I’m getting confused.” Hope shook her head. “If something is wrong, then it’s wrong.” 

“Who’s to say what’s right and wrong for someone else?” 

“I don’t know, Josie.” Hope sounded tired. “I guess I haven’t thought about it as much as I should have.” 

Hearing her name on Hope's lips did something to Josie. As she was today, without her layers of black makeup, Hope looked different. Delicate almost. Her features were softer than she had taken them to be with her makeup on, and the bottom of her pale pink lip was split in the center, blood red from where the dryness of her cold had cracked it. She pictured those lips gently touching her, and flushed all over again as warmth and shame spread through her. 

She turned away, unable to look at her. Kind, religious Hope, who would no doubt want to see her crucified if she knew the salacious inner workings of her mind. Just because she was having these feelings didn’t mean that Hope was as well, and like she’d just said, who was she to decide what was right or wrong for Hope, just because these feelings felt right to her? This wasn’t just something she’d been imagining. 

She felt things when she was around Hope. The tug in her abdomen when Hope smiled at her. The need to be near her, to touch her. She’d never felt wants like these before. Never felt herself on a razor’s edge just being close to someone. It was all familiar in a way though. It was the way Lizzie described feeling when she was around a boy she liked. It was the way Dana acted when she set her sights on her next victim. It was the way Alyssa had gotten shy around Jed last year. It was the way she’d heard it described so many times before, but never felt herself. She didn’t have to wonder what the hell was wrong with her anymore. It was what she’d suspected when she had been unable to stop herself from putting her lips to Hope's forehead, and what deep down she’d known from the first time she’d barreled over her outside the portable. 

She liked Hope Mikaelson more than she should, more than she had ever liked anybody, and more than she ever wanted anyone to find out about. Especially Hope.


	8. Chapter 8

Hope picked up a cookie but didn’t eat it. This was one of the most awkward situations that she’d ever been in, and she was torn between wanting Josie to leave so that she could stop feeling so weird, and never wanting Josie to go. Ever. 

The whirlwind of emotions whipped through her in that moment, and the fact that her head was cloudy and her mental faculty fuzzy wasn’t helping. When Josie first walked into her room, she could not at any time in her life remember feeling as mortified as she was then, in her Jesus Saves T-shirt from childhood and a pair of red and black plaid pajama pants. 

Hope didn’t understand what Josie was even doing there, and why was she being so kind to her? She was willing to accept that maybe Josie hadn’t meant to be hurtful that night at the party, after all, nothing else she had said since meeting her had given her the impression that she was a mean girl like the rest of them, but what was all this about? Was it so that she would tell Jacob about it later and earn points with him so that he would like her more? If that was the case, she should tell her she didn’t need to try so hard, Jacob was already a goner when it came to Josie, but if she told her that, would she leave? 

Thinking about it all made her head hurt. Then again, everything on her seemed to hurt since she’d gotten sick. Had it been just three days since the party? How had she gone so long without seeing her? When Josie said that talking to her was her favorite part of the party, Hope's breath caught. Did that mean she had enjoyed her company more than kissing Jacob? 

She relived watching the kiss and a familiar ache filled her chest. The thought reminded her of what she had done the night of the party, when she had gotten home and crushed her lips to Josie's in her drawing. She couldn’t understand her feelings, and she looked at the trash can in horror. A piece of the sketch paper was sticking out from when she’d ripped it in half and stuffed it in there. Why hadn’t she let her mom empty it when she had wanted to? Instead, she was keeping a pile of dirty Kleenexes on the other side of her bed, which, thankfully, Josie had not discovered yet. She didn’t want to throw away her drawing of Josie, nor was she willing to take it out and piece it back together. 

Josie was like the ripped drawing. Two different people. One, the beautiful, popular, and fearless leader of the in-crowd, and the other, this kind and sweet girl, willing to sit with Hope and be her partner in class, knowing that for most people it would be considered social suicide. The tear in Hope's drawing reflected that dichotomy. Praying that Josie would somehow not see the drawing, she decided that after she left, she would retrieve it from the garbage and tape it back together. She couldn’t bear the thought of not having it anymore, of not having something around that reminded her of Josie. 

Josie was here now though, in her room, and she’d practically kissed her. Hope's cheeks flushed. She’d held her breath when Josie placed the back of her right hand against her forehead, trembling at her touch. Her hand was a little cool and felt so good against her skin. When she had said that her mother tested her temperature with her lips, it was as if she heard the words out loud before it registered that she had been the one to say them. By then, it was too late to take them back. It had been the most mortifyingly childish and inappropriately intimate thing she could have said, and she wanted to fall through her bed and die. 

To her astonishment, Josie only tilted her head to the side for a moment, then leaned forward and gently pressed her lips to her forehead. Her lips weren’t cool like her hand, they were warm and soft and wonderful and soothing in a completely different way. The part where she probably looked six shades of awful was distracting, and she tried not to think about it because it felt so good to have Josie there. Too good. It was wrong how amazing it felt just being in her presence. Josie would probably think her perverted if she knew how much she had enjoyed the feeling of her lips on her forehead, how every part of her relished just the nearness of her. 

It wasn’t right…this feeling. There was a word for it. A bad word. No matter how good it felt, she had to fight it, but when she peered into Josie's captivating eyes, her resolve softened, and all of the fight went out of her. It was all so strange, and the fuzziness and grogginess from her fever wasn’t helping. The pressure of Josie's body was hot against the side of her right leg, and a fire grew inside of her. 

Unnatural.

That was the word. 

Hope groaned. She was miserable for a completely different reason now. The way she was feeling, it had to be wrong. 

I chose you. 

Josie's words echoed in her head. She had chosen her to be her partner. She had chosen to come here and work with her. No one had ever chosen her for anything before. When Josie had mentioned the group assignment, she was waiting for the part where Josie told her that nobody wanted to be in her group, and she’d been embarrassed, knowing that Josie would know. Why did Josie have to come over when she looked like absolute shit, and why had she been asking her about her beliefs? How could she explain that, for her, faith wasn’t a choice? Had never been a choice. She’d always simply believed. When Josie asked what made something wrong, Hope had to mull that one over. She was always so dismayed that others had decided how she should act, look, think, and dress, and now that Josie showed it to her in a different perspective, wasn’t she guilty of the same thing? 

She felt another headache coming on. 

“Are you okay?” Josie took a sip from one of the glasses and put it back down on the bedside table. “I…maybe I should go.” 

“No!” Hope said much too quickly and loudly and desperately. “I mean, we should do the assignment, right?” 

Josie nodded. “So, who do you want to argue for then, the prosecution or the defense?” 

She picked up their law assignment as if the conversation had never veered from their homework. 

“The defense, I guess.” Hope tried to prop herself farther up in her bed. Josie looked absolutely stunning. Her hair was perfect, as always, and her clothing fit her body exactly as it should. 

Josie slid her tongue over her sultry red lips while reading over the assignment, and something deep inside Hope quivered. She forced herself to look away and focus on the paper. Josie was outlining a heart in her notebook. 

“Josie? Are you going to write it?” Hope asked. She needed something to distract her. 

“Oh.” Josie looked at her, then down to the piece of paper she’d been drawing on. 

She yanked the page out of her notebook and scrunched it up. She got up and looked around. She was searching for her garbage bin, and when Josie saw it across the room, Hope grabbed her arm and pulled her back forcefully. 

“Don’t go over there!” Hope said, and Josie raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I k-killed a spider earlier. It was huge and there’s guts all over the garbage.” 

“Ew, okay.” Josie looked around, then shoved the scrunched up paper into her bag and sat back down, moving even further away from Hope than where she’d sat before. Had Josie noticed the way she’d been staring at her lips? 

“I don’t want to get sick,” Josie said weakly. “Since I’m writing the part of the Crown, I’ll start the trial with my opening argument, and then you can do yours.” Before Hope could answer, Josie got to work on writing, and Hope tried to think about the assignment, except she still felt the warmth of where Josie had been pressed against her thigh just moments before, and that overrode all other thought. 

Now, Josie had one leg tucked up under her and the other dangling to the ground, her body half-turned toward Hope. Josie even made sitting on a bed look cool. She couldn’t remember ever being this nervous before. She’d never had her consciousness so heightened in someone’s presence. Never been so aware of every part of another person’s body and where it was in proximity to her own. It was like a war raged in every part of her, battling between wanting to be closer to Josie, and knowing that if she got too close, something explosive might happen, and she didn’t know if she was ready to find out what that was. 

Josie held out the notebook to her. She was finished. When she took it from Josie, her arm slid against hers, and it burned like it had been scorched by fire. She was glad then for her fever, as she was sure that her color couldn’t have deepened any more. 

She looked at the page without seeing, unable to keep her thoughts from that touch. She handed it back to Josie. 

“It’s good,” she said, hoping that it was. 

“Okay, now your part. Opening arguments. Go.” Josie held her pencil at the ready. 

“There’s no case for armed robbery today here.” Hope jumbled up her first sentence, and Josie took pity on her. 

“You really are sick,” she said with a slow, sympathetic smile. “How about I help you along a little? Let’s start with, ladies and gentlemen of the jury.” Josie wrote as she spoke. “What is a crime if there is no evidence? How can my client be guilty of something that the prosecution cannot, in any certain terms, prove ever happened? The only thing my client is guilty of is being in a rich area at the same time that a high powered businessman’s wife realized that her diamond necklace and matching earrings were missing. When my client was picked up, he didn’t have the items on him, and furthermore, there is no evidence that these items were stolen at all. There was no sign of a break-in, and the defense would argue that Mrs Frobisher simply lost the items and was too afraid or embarrassed to tell her husband. The cost of these items must have been great, but cannot be considered to be greater than the cost of my client’s freedom.” 

Not only was Josie gorgeous, but she had a beautiful mind as well. It was too much. How could someone be so perfect? 

“What do you think?” Josie asked hopefully. 

“I think you’re brilliant.” Is Josie blushing? “I think you just won the case for me.” Josie's smile turned sly now. 

“That’s because you haven’t heard me examine the witness yet. I have an ace up my sleeve,” she said with a mischievous grin. The courtroom drama played out on the page, and although Hope found it a bit unfair that Josie was doing the majority of the work, she loved watching her come up with new arguments and seeing her excitement grow as she made the case more convoluted with each one, only to be completely blown apart by the following cross examination. She had never seen anyone so excited by homework before. She’d only known that kind of thrill from making art. 

“You’re really smart,” she said and worried that she hadn’t quite kept all of the surprise out of her voice. “You should be a lawyer.” 

“You mean a liar.” Hope was confused, and her face must have shown it. 

“Both my parents are lawyers,” Josie explained. “All they do is fight, and argue, and lie to us about it.” Josie put the pencil down. “I think they’re getting a divorce.” Josie's voice was sad and hurt, and Hope wanted so badly to comfort her, but she didn’t know how to. 

“Why do you think that?” She chastised herself for her cowardice in not saying what she really wanted. 

“I heard them fighting the other day, and my mom said my dad better sign the papers because she didn’t want to stay with him another minute longer than she had to. I think she’s going to leave, and I don’t know if she wants to take us with her.” Josie's voice broke at the same time as Hope's heart. She shoved off her pillows and pulled Josie into a tight hug. 

For a moment, Josie seemed surprised, but then her arms encircled Hope. 

“It’s okay,” Hope said, unsure of what else to say. She didn’t want to make empty promises about the outcome of her parents’ relationship. Instead, she spoke the only truth she knew. “I don’t know how anyone wouldn’t want you.” 

Josie's arms tightened around her back, completely closing the space between them, and Hope let out a slow breath. Josie's body was flush against hers, and it was soft and warm. It felt good. Too good. She was ashamed of herself for taking advantage of Josie's weakness and drawing pleasure from it, but she couldn’t help it. Subconsciously, this was what she had been craving since the first time she had laid eyes on Josie. 

“Thank you.” Josie cleared her throat as she slowly pulled away from the hug. “I guess this is about finished,” she said with a sad smile, and Hope wanted so badly to kiss that smile. Her heart stilled. She didn’t want to kiss Josie. 

She couldn’t. 

Josie was practically going out with her brother. Josie was the most popular person in their grade. Josie was a girl. They both turned at the sound of the front door opening and closing. Jacob called out to his parents that he was home. 

Hope closed her eyes and rolled them behind their lids. This was either perfect or awful timing. She didn’t want Josie to go see Jacob, but then again, going to talk to him for a few minutes might take some of the heat off her before Josie figured out that Hope's body was still ablaze where every atom of hers had touched Josie's. The warmth of her presence threatened to completely consume her. 

“I better go. I hope you’re at school tomorrow and feeling better.” Josie quickly gathered her things. She left before Hope could even say goodbye. 

“Hey,” Jacob greeted Josie at the top of the stairs. “I didn’t expect you to be here still.” 

“We had an assignment to do together.” 

“Oh, well I’m glad you’re here. Thanks for taking Hope's homework to her. I had a great game of pick-up. We won,” he said proudly. 

“That’s great.” 

“So, do you want to stay for a bit? I’m not really allowed to have girls in my room, but my parents think you’re with Hope, so…” 

“Oh, yeah, no. I have to be home for dinner or my mom will freak. It’s my turn to do the dishes. Sorry.” Hope was relieved, comforted that Josie left without spending time with Jacob. She needed sleep. Sleep and to forget about Josie Saltzman. 

* * * * * * * * * * 

It had been two days since Josie's visit to her bedroom, and despite Hope's self-admonitions for her errant thoughts, she was in serious withdrawal. She wanted to see Josie—and be seen by Josie when Hope didn’t look like a banshee—which meant that she needed to get out of bed, clean herself up, and go to school, even if she still felt awful. 

On her walk to school, Hope started to question her decision to go in that day. Her excitement at being able to see Josie was quickly being overshadowed by how dreadful she felt, and she lost steam after only five minutes. 

“Are you sure you should come to school today?” Jacob asked with concern. “You don’t look so good.” 

“I’m okay,” she said. “I shouldn’t miss any more class.” 

“The teachers will understand. Mom and Dad will write you a note.” 

She shook her head. “I’m fine. I just need to sit down. I’ll feel better when we get to school.” That lie haunted her for the rest of the morning, especially when she got there and heard that Josie was out sick. Her heart sank. Not only had she dragged her half-dead body to school for no reason, but she had made Josie sick as well. 

All of her classes crept by slowly, in a haze, and there was a sullen emptiness in every course that Josie should have been in with her. By the time lunch came around, Hope felt like she’d been hit by a bus. She needed to go back home and stay there. Josie had taken their Law assignment home with her, so she had nothing to hand in for their class presentation anyway, and there was no way she could make it through math and society. She hadn’t done her homework for those classes either, or even picked a tribe for her society assignment. The walk home seemed to take forever, and she felt like a bag of bricks when she dropped herself into her bed after barely dragging her body up the stairs. 

Her fever was worse, and her mom told her to go and rest while she fetched the thermometer, which was followed up by hot tea with honey, chicken broth, and more of that God-awful cherry poison that her mother insisted was medicine. Around two o’clock, things were a little less hazy, and her thoughts drifted back to Josie, who was home sick too. 

Josie's phone number was somewhere in Jacob's lair of a room. Hope crept out of her room and into Jacob's, where she searched frantically for Josie's number. Suddenly, it became the most important thing in the world, and she spent the next ten minutes turning everything upside down, but she still couldn’t find the number. She was tired and angry and so frustrated that she felt like crying. She had to talk to Josie. She had to hear her voice or…or she’d die. 

“What are you doing in your brother’s room?” her mother asked from the door, looking stricken by the mess Hope had made. 

“I-I-I thought I left something in here.” 

“You should see yourself.” Her mother studied her. “You look like a wild animal. Get back into bed and stay there until you’re better this time. I’m going to call the school and tell them you won’t be in the rest of the week, and if you’re not feeling any better tomorrow then we’re going to the doctor.” As much as she wanted to argue because Josie might be back in class the next day, she kept her lips zipped. Her mother had let her off the hook without too many questions about what she was doing in Jacob's room, and she had enough common sense to be grateful for that. Jacob wasn’t so kind when he got home. 

“What the hell were you looking for in my room?” 

“Nothing,” she said defensively. Why was he yelling? Her head was pounding. 

“You sure as hell were looking for something. It looks like a tornado went off in there.” 

“It already looked like that,” she argued. 

“Whatever the fuck you were looking for, next time, ask.” He dropped her homework on the floor and slammed the door closed behind him. It must have been a few hours later when her mother came into her room. It was dark outside, and Hope was groggy and disoriented. 

“Hi, honey,” her mother said from the doorway. “How are you feeling?” 

“Not so good,” she said, her voice gruff. Her mother nodded her head understandingly. “Your friend Josie is on the phone for you, but I’ll tell her you’re sleeping.” 

“Josie?” Hope mewled like a cat that’d had its tail stepped on. “I’ll talk to her.” She cleared her throat a few times and reached out for the phone. Her mother handed it to her warily. 

“Don’t talk to long,” she warned, to which Hope nodded her agreement. She held her hand over the receiver until her mother left and closed the door. 

“Hello?” she said when she was alone. Josie laughed, and her whole body warmed at the sound. 

“That was some noise you made. How are you feeling?” It was so good to hear her voice. Relief rushed through her, and her entire body relaxed into her bed as she allowed the sound to wash over her. 

“I’m okay. I went to school for the morning, but I left at lunch. I’m sorry if I made you sick.” 

“That’s okay.” Josie let out another small laugh. “I’m not going to complain about missing classes for a few days.” 

“Me neither,” Hope said. But I am missing you. She blushed at her thoughts. “Do you have a fever too?” 

“I think so, but our thermometer is broken. We had one of those really old ones, and I broke it last year when I put it up to the lamp to fake a fever to get out of a math test. It exploded and there was mercury everywhere. My mom was so pissed.” Hope laughed. 

“I guess you need someone to check your temperature for you then,” she said with a lilt in her voice. There was a painful silence before Josie spoke again. 

“But you’re not here.” The words slid right through Hope, and the thought of putting her lips to Josie's forehead made her stomach do a little flip. A sound came out of her throat, but it wasn’t a word. There was something in Josie's voice that she hadn’t heard before, but she couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was. 

“I think we better reschedule our trip to the art gallery.” Josie sighed, finally breaking the silence. “I don’t think I’ll be up to going out this weekend with this cold.” She sneezed then, as if to seal the deal.

“Yeah, okay,” Hope said despondently. 

She’d never thought it would happen anyway, but she had hoped it would. She thought there was a click on the line before Josie spoke again. 

“I guess we’re not going to do so great on that law assignment if we’re not there to hand it in.” Hope was both disappointed and relieved that the subject had been changed. 

“I can hand it in.” 

“Jacob?” Hope asked, aghast at the sound of his voice. She wanted to yell and scream at him but didn’t even know what to say. She knew she’d heard someone pick up the phone a moment before. “Why are you on the line?” 

“I heard mom say that Josie called, and thought it was for me.” Something in his voice made Hope think that wasn’t the whole truth, but it did make more sense that Josie would be calling for Jacob than for her, and she felt stupid because she was the one intruding on the call. “I can swing by your house and pick it up tomorrow morning if you’re not coming to school,” he said, clearly addressing Josie. 

“That would be great, Jacob.” Did Josie sound hesitant, or did Hope just want to think that? “Would it actually be possible for you to come by tonight? Lizzie's ditching tomorrow, so she already told me she wouldn’t take any of my stuff in, but I don’t want my parents to know that. If you come by tonight, it’ll look less suspicious for Lizzie.” 

“Sure, let me just ask my mom if it’s okay.” Jacob's footsteps were loud on the stairs, hitting Hope twice as they thundered through the phone and the house. 

This was her opportunity to talk to Josie without her brother listening, but she couldn’t think of anything to say. This was so not how she would have wanted their phone call to go. Now, because she’d gotten Josie sick, Jacob was heading over to her house to see her while Hope had to stay home in bed. Would Jacob go and sit at her bedside like Josie had with her? Would Josie tell him about her parents’ divorce, and would he hold her like she had? Would he kiss her again? 

“My mom says it’s fine, but she’s going to drive me.” Jacob's voice boomed back on the line, startling her. She’d forgotten she had the phone to her ear. 

Josie hadn’t said a word, so maybe she really had called for Jacob, and her mother had just gotten confused since Josie had been there earlier that week to see her. Jacob wasn’t supposed to be dating, after all. 

“Great,” Josie said. All three of them were silent. 

“Hope, can you get off the phone? I want to talk to Josie.” The words were a slap in the face. Her jaw dropped open but she had no argument. She was sicker than ever as she pulled the portable phone away from her ear and hit the power button. 

A few minutes later, Jacob and her mother left. She was so angry that she threw one of her pillows across the room, where it landed with a melancholic thud and looked back at her accusingly. 

“Shut up,” she said to it, and buried her head under her other pillow.


	9. Chapter 9

“Hey.” Josie opened the door for Jacob. 

“Thanks for coming.” She was sick and looked like shit despite doing her hair and putting on some makeup basics. It wasn’t about looking good for Jacob, but not looking bad in front of anyone from school, as Lizzie had taught her. 

“No problem.” He stepped inside. “My mom’s going to put some gas in the car, so we have a few minutes.” 

“Okay, come in.” She set the law assignment on the front entry table, and led him to the family room. Everyone else was upstairs, but there was no way she was bringing Jacob up to her room. First, it probably wasn’t allowed, and second, she didn’t want him there. 

“Your house is huge.” Jacob looked around, his eyes growing bigger as he took in the enormity that was their first floor. 

“Yeah.” Josie shrugged. It was rude, but she didn’t really want to talk about it. She didn’t want to talk about anything with Jacob. How long would it take for his mother to get gas? She lived in the posh part of Inman Park, a ten-minute drive from school, and there was a gas station in between. That meant she had to entertain him for what, twenty minutes? In that moment, it felt like a lifetime. 

Resigned to her sentence, she took a seat on the couch. Jacob waited for her to sit down, then sat on the couch right next to her. She wished she’d opted for the lounge chair, but he might have tried to squeeze into that too, which would have been infinitely worse. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked. 

“Stuffed up and feverish.” Jacob checked her temperature with the back of his hand, like she’d done to Hope, but nothing transferred between them as it had with his sister. 

“You’re hot.” He flashed a grin. “And I don’t mean your temperature.” Jacob laughed at his own joke, and Josie suppressed a groan. 

When was this going to end? He looked at her expectantly, and she managed to feign a smile. Did Jacob notice that her smiles never reached her eyes? Something was expected of her here. Jacob had kissed her and given her his phone number, and it hadn’t been in the hopes that she’d use it to call his sister. She had wrestled with that decision all day. Home alone, she had nothing to do but think, and her thoughts hardly strayed from that afternoon in Hope's bedroom. She’d driven herself crazy with the memories until she’d finally given in and used the number. 

The excuse of their team project was lame, but it was a good enough reason to make the call. She just wished Jacob hadn’t picked up and ruined it. She felt guilty for her thoughts as he sat there next to her, a boyish grin on his face. He was, after all, just a boy, and she was a girl. Why shouldn’t he be excited to see her? The softening of her features must have given him the wrong impression though, because when he leaned in, she jerked back quickly. 

“What?” he said, almost pouting at her rejection. 

“I don’t want to get you sick,” she said with what she hoped was an apologetic smile. 

“It’s worth it.” He leaned back into her. Already pressed up against the back of the couch, there was nowhere left for her to go, so she let him kiss her. His lips weren’t as sloppy this time as they’d been when he was drunk, but his kiss was cold, and once again his tongue tried to slide through the defenses of her lips. 

“Ow.” He pulled back abruptly. “You bit my tongue.” He stuck it out and touched it with his fingers, assessing the damage. 

Serves you right for trying to shove it in my mouth.

“Sorry, my brain’s not really working properly.” 

“It’s okay.” He pulled his tongue back into his mouth. “You must be pretty sick if you have what Hope has.” Just the mention of her name caused a stirring in Josie's stomach. 

“How is she feeling? Will she be back at school soon?” She hoped she didn’t sound as desperate as she felt. 

“I don’t think so. She’s in pretty bad shape.” He paused. “Can I ask you something? When you called earlier…” He took a break to swallow, and Josie's mind raced with only one thought. Please, don’t ask me if I was calling for you or Hope.

Her heart was beating faster as she prayed for someone to walk down the stairs at that moment, which of course, no one did. 

“When I told you that I wanted to talk to you about something when I got here, it’s cause…well…I wanted to know if you’d be my girlfriend?” Okay, that was way worse than the other question. 

She didn’t know how to answer. Saying yes would be the perfect way for no one to find out about her feelings for Hope, which were very real, and maybe being his girlfriend would even help her have the feelings that she was supposed to have for him instead, but could she do that to him? Could she use him like that? Jacob was actually a nice guy. He must like her a lot if he was asking her to be his girlfriend after only two pretty lame kisses. If she said yes, she would have an excuse to be around him, which would mean she’d see Hope more often, but wouldn’t that be a kind of torture for her? There were so many questions, and her head hurt just trying to go over all of them. The smile was beginning to slip off his face. 

“Jacob, I…” Unsure of how she was going to finish that sentence even as it was coming out of her mouth, she was eternally thankful when the doorbell rang. “That’s your mom!” 

She sprang up and ran to the door. “Hi, Mrs. Mikaelson.” 

“Hi, Josie. I’m sorry to hear you’re sick as well. Ready to go, Jacob?” She looked over Josie's shoulder to her son. 

“Don’t forget this.” Josie put the law assignment in his hands as he followed his mother out. “Thanks.” He gave her a big grin, and Josie chose not to think about how he might have discerned their conversation to have ended. 

Once Jacob left, Josie resumed her seat on the couch, where Jacob had just kissed her. When Jacob came near her, she felt a constriction, squeezing her chest and suffocating her. That was not how it was supposed to be. There was no way that’s how Lizzie felt when she was with Sebastian, and Dana certainly wasn’t trying to get Jacob for herself so that she could feel that way when he kissed her. 

She thought back to the boys she’d been with over the summer. To Connor and Andrew, and the few guys she’d met at parties. This aversion wasn’t new. It had been slowly growing, developing kiss by kiss as she went through guys. With every kiss, she’d become more closed off, like every touch was an invasion. Why hadn’t she realized this before? But she had, hadn’t she? Hadn’t she known that something was missing? That something was wrong? 

If you know something is wrong, then it’s wrong.

Hope's words echoed in her head. Hope hadn’t been referring to Josie's antipathy for Jacob at the time, but Josie couldn’t help but recognize their poignancy. It didn’t feel good being with Jacob. It didn’t feel right. Wasn’t it supposed to? 

Josie pulled out her phone and opened up Twitter. This time, instead of searching for Hope's name, she hashtagged it in the search bar. The results made her gasp. The page was filled with horrific comments. 

Kill yourself. Dog. Freak. There were pictures of her, photoshopped to humiliate her. 

When Josie's vision blurred, she closed the screen and threw the phone to the other side of the couch, not wanting it anywhere near her. She took a deep, shuddering breath, and wiped the tears that squeezed out of the corners of her eyes. How could people be so cruel? Despite the way that she dressed, Hope carried a light inside of her, and Josie felt it kindle something inside her whenever she was near. How could people be so mean to someone so radiant? It wasn’t fair. They didn’t know her. They were judging her based solely off the way she dressed, the way she carried herself, and the way she spoke. 

Are you any better? How many times had she dismissed someone based on those exact same merits? Was she really any better than the kids who were posting about Hope online? The ones who bullied losers in the halls or on social media? She’d done practically the same thing before. She’d teased other kids, made them feel small all so that she could feel big. She had name-called, spread rumors, even intimidated and harassed other kids over the last few years, all because it got a rise out of her friends. Lizzie did the same thing. She was always saying snide remarks in earshot of her victims, throwing people out of parties if she didn’t think they were cool enough, ripping their self-esteem to shreds with her words, all because she could. What happened to those kids after they left the party? What was it like for them when they went home? She’d never thought of them as having real lives, of having more meaning beyond being a target of fun for her and her friends, and she’d watched people be humiliated over and over just for a laugh. 

Her stomach lurched. How could she have been so cruel all this time? When Hope had taken her in her arms at her house after her confession about her parents, she had felt so safe. She’d told Hope something that she hadn’t even talked to Lizzie about yet, and Hope had given her comfort when she needed it. She’d been surprised at first, but quickly fell into her warmth, and Josie had breathed her in deeply when their bodies came together. 

She’d hugged plenty of people before, but no hug had ever made her feel that way. She felt protected. Cared for. Had any of her so-called-friends ever made her feel that way? What did she have in common with her friends other than leading the pack? Dana would take the first opportunity to go for her jugular the second she messed up, and would have before now if Lizzie hadn’t been there to protect her. 

So, that’s who she was? Some brainless bully who only cared about popularity and looking cool? She was nothing more than a she-wolf with claws and fangs, waiting to sink them into someone before the same could be done to her. Popularity was a kill or be killed sport, and for the first time, she was tired of the game. What was it like for Hope to read those comments about herself? She imagined the pain that would tear through her. No wonder she didn’t have a social media account. Even without one, she was being cyber bullied. Maybe she doesn’t even know about it. Maybe she never had to. 

Josie grabbed her phone from the end of the couch and opened the page again. She spent the next hour sending messages and complaints to Twitter staff, and flagging each and every comment for removal. 

Her blood ran hot when she read Dana’s name on the page. Fucktard. That’s what she’d written beneath a meme of Hope in class, with the caption “T-t-t-t-today Junior!” from that old Adam Sandler movie. Her heart pounded and echoed in her ears as she read it over and over. Fire kindled in her chest when she imagined Hope reading it. She closed her Twitter app and opened her favorites list in her phonebook. She pushed Dana’s name, and tried to steady her breathing. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Dana answered on the third ring. Josie didn’t bother returning the greeting. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” There was a brief pause. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Yeah, excuse you is right. What the fuck, Dana?” 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Josie took a deep breath. 

“Why would you post a picture of Hope Mikaelson and write fucktard on it?” Another pause, then laughter. 

“Cause it’s funny. Did Jacob say something to you about it or something? It has over a hundred likes,” she said proudly. The tightening in her chest worsened. 

“Take it down.” 

“Why are you so pissed? It’s just a joke.” Josie squeezed her eyes shut, willing her voice to steady. 

“Do you think Hope thinks it’s a joke when she sees stuff like that? Do you think she thinks it’s funny?” 

“I don’t know. What the hell? Why are you asking me that? What’s wrong with you?” 

“What’s wrong with me? You’re acting like a POS. Take that fucking post down right now.” There was acid in her words, and she pressed on. “I can make your life hell if I want to. Don’t make me.” 

There was a short silence before Dana answered, her voice forcibly calm. “I’ll take it down.” 

“Good. From now on, Hope is off limits. Do you understand?” 

“Got it.” 

Josie could almost see her sucking her cheeks in hard, like she did when she didn’t get her way. 

“Good.” Josie ended the call and held the phone to her forehead. She let out a long breath as her heart began to slow. She’d gotten rid of one message, but what about all the others? Twitter wouldn’t actually take the page down, and if they did, people would just put another one up. How selfish and insensitive had she been never to think about this before? Is that what Lizzie had taught her? Was this the person she wanted to be? I don’t really know who I am. The words she’d spoken to Hope in the woods returned to her. 

If she wasn’t the person everyone thought she was, then who the hell was she?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just finished reading play to kiss by Arizona Tape, ugh such a great book. the writing's so wonderful.
> 
> going back, enjoy this chapter sweets!

It was hard for Hope to see Josie. 

Having the extra days without seeing her should’ve helped. She’d had time to digest what Jacob had told her, but still, whenever she saw her, her heart did that funny flip-flop thing. The night that Jacob had come home from Josie's, he’d checked on Hope before going to bed and apologized for yelling at her about his room. She’d asked what had him in such a good mood, and felt a sharp pain in her chest when he announced that Josette Saltzman was his girlfriend. 

“Or maybe Josette Mikaelson someday, who knows!” he’d said excitedly. “Wouldn’t it be great if you met someone that made you feel the way Josie makes me feel?” 

I already have, she thought, a deep, crushing pain in her chest. Whether or not she wanted to admit what it all meant, she couldn’t deny it. She felt some kind of tie to Josie, a pull to her that she couldn’t explain, and whatever it was tightened whenever she remembered that Josie was Jacob's girlfriend. 

By the time Hope had returned to school the following week, it seemed like the entire student body was talking about Jacob and Josie. They’d received unanimous approval as the hottest couple in their grade, but thankfully, their names were too similar to come up with a conjoined super couple name. Jasie and Jocob had been immediately dismissed. 

Rumors were also flying about how far they’d gone in baseball analogies. When she’d reluctantly confronted him about it, Jacob told her that they’d only kissed a few times, but he added that he was sure it wouldn’t be long until they “got to the good stuff.” The upside to Josie dating her brother was it allowed for Hope to become less of a social pariah, and a few people actually started to smile and wave at her in the hall. 

Her first day back at school, she’d been asked by a girl in her math class why she never ate lunch with them. The girl was on the periphery of coolness; not quite one of Josie's close friends, but someone who hung around her circle from time-to-time, and frequented the same parties. It was nice not to feel like such an outcast, but she didn’t want their attention, she wanted Josie's. 

She wanted to stop thinking about her. She told her heart to stop jumping around whenever she saw her. She tried to breathe when she was around her, but none of it mattered. It was as if her body parts were on invisible strings, and Josie was pulling all the cords. At home, all Jacob wanted to talk about was his relationship with Josie. After a couple of days, she started avoiding him. She still loved the sound of Josie's name, but the subject was becoming painful. If these feelings were adamant on staying, then she needed to start avoiding Josie as well. 

Whatever was going on inside of her wasn’t right, and if she could just keep to the other end of the room in their classes, she would be fine. Thankfully, Jacob hadn’t brought her back over to the house since the day she’d been there to see her. So much had changed since then, and she realized how trivial she was to Josie. It wasn’t as if Josie was spending her spare time thinking about Hope, so why was she spending so much of hers thinking about Josie? 

She got to biology early, and sat at the front. Josie preferred to sit in the back, she’d noticed. Next, she buried her head in her textbook, trying to look even more unapproachable than she already was. It seemed to be working fine, until to her complete astonishment, Maya from middle school sat down beside her. 

“So, are you going Friday?” she asked Hope, as if they were picking up a conversation they’d left off earlier that day, when in truth, they’d never spoken to each other before in their lives. 

“Going where?” 

“Josie's party this weekend, obvi,” she said as though Hope were thick. “I heard Lizzie and Josie are throwing it together, so there’s going to be lots of hot older guys there. Just stay away from Sebastian. He’s Lizzie's boyfriend, and I heard she’s like psycho jealous. Josie's probably the same way over Jacob though, right?” 

Hope didn’t know the answer. She also didn’t know why Jacob hadn’t even mentioned that there was going to be a party at Josie's that weekend. It wasn’t like him. 

Hope felt the pang of their relationship acutely when she thought of how left out of Josie's life she was. Josie walked into class and paused to look around. Her gaze met Hope's, and her heart stopped for a second before kicking back into action. Josie looked next at Maya, then turned her head up and walked to the back of the class. Hope resisted the urge to follow her with her stare. 

“Oh, shit, sorry,” Maya said. “I totally didn’t realize you and Josie would want to sit together since she’s dating your brother.” She made to get up. 

“No!” Hope said too loudly, but it was enough for Maya to resume her seat. “Don’t worry about it.” She swallowed. “Are you going to the party?” 

“Yeah, I can’t believe Jacob invited us. He’s so awesome.” Could she have gushed any more? People were becoming sycophantic around her brother since his relationship status went public. On his own, Jacob was a cool, athletic, good-looking guy, but with Josie at his side, he’d become king of their class. 

Mr. Spencer started his lesson, and Hope was thankful for the reprieve. Finally, people wanted to talk to her, but all they wanted to talk about was her brother. Was she really that invisible? She smirked mirthlessly. How could she have been so stupid? No one was interested in getting to know her. No one wanted anything to do with her. No one ever had. 

* * * * * * * * * * *

The rest of the week crawled by, and Maya took the seat next to her in biology every day. No one had said anything menacing to her since she’d gotten back to school after being sick. Not since Josie had invited her to the park party. Not since Jacob had started dating the most popular girl in their grade. 

“So, are you going to Josie's party tonight?” Maya asked her again. Was it Friday already? 

“I’m not sure.” The truth was that she’d never received an invitation. She’d waited all week for Jacob to at least say something to her about it, but for all the times he brought up his girlfriend, he’d yet to mention the house party once. 

“You have to come,” Maya said. “You guys should meet up with us before. I’m going with Nancy and Hester. We can meet up and walk there together. I’ll give you my number.” Hope kept her shock to herself as Maya pulled out her phone and waited for her. “Get out your cell, so I can give it to you,” she said when Hope didn’t reciprocate the action. 

“Oh, I don’t have one.” Hope said. “I’ll just write it down.” As Maya dictated her number, Hope realized that this was literally the first time anyone had given her a phone number. It felt good. 

On their walk home that afternoon, Hope decided she wasn’t going to wait a second longer to find out what was going on from Jacob. 

“Are you going to Josie's party tonight?” 

Jacob hiked his bag up on his shoulders. “Yeah.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me about it?” 

“I don’t know.” He shrugged and hiked his bag up again. “I didn’t think you’d want to come.” 

“I thought you wanted us to go to the same parties and have the same friends. Isn’t that what you said before the park party?” When he didn’t answer, she narrowed her eyes and made a decision. Avoiding Josie had been more exhausting than she’d anticipated, but that had been her choice, and she wasn’t going to be kept from seeing her by her own brother. 

“Well, I’m going too, with Maya.” He nodded his head but didn’t answer. Something was definitely up with him. He was never quiet, and despite his natural popularity and her inherent reclusiveness, he’d never deliberately excluded her from things before. Hope rushed in to call Maya and take her up on her offer to go to the party together. Maya had asked her to meet up because she wanted to arrive with Jacob more than with her, but she would just have to do. Hope dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up.

“Maya's hotline, how can I help you?” 

“Uh, Maya, it’s Hope. From biology.” 

“Hey, you called.” Hope smiled at the warm greeting. 

“Yeah, where are you guys meeting before the party?” 

“At Nancy's. She lives just a few blocks from the Saltzmans. You guys should come by and then we’ll go.” 

“Well, Jacob won’t be with me. He’s going to help Josie set up,” she said, and instantly felt guilty. She’d never lied much before, and she didn’t like the taste it left in her mouth. 

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense. We’ll see you here around eight then?” If Maya was fazed that Jacob wasn’t coming with her, she didn’t show it, and Hope was happy she’d called her. 

“Should I bring anything?” 

“Just ten bucks. That’s what Lizzie and Josie are charging for the keg.” 

“They got a keg?” Hope didn’t quite keep the surprise from her voice. How did a teenager get a keg of beer? 

“Yeah.” Maya laughed. “Apparently, their parents are out of town and Lizzie spent their grocery money on a keg. How awesome is that?” 

“Awesome,” Hope said. How were they going to eat while their parents were away? “I’ll see you at eight.” 

“Cool, let me give you the address.” Hope jotted it down then hurried to get off the phone. It was already getting late, and she actually wanted to take the time to put an outfit together. This would be the night she met someone. This would be the night she started having feelings for someone appropriate. If Josie and Lizzie were throwing a party, there were bound to be a lot of guys there, and she just might find one who didn’t think she belonged in social Siberia, and who didn’t expect too much from a girl at a party. 

She settled on one of her tighter pairs of jeans, black boots, and a black V-neck T-shirt that rode just above her midriff. She pulled her auburn hair back into a ponytail, letting some pieces with purple at the tips hang loose in the front. She applied her black eyeliner and mascara, but didn’t cake it on as thick as she usually would have, and finished off the smoky look with graphite grey eye shadow. She didn’t put on her black lipstick. 

Ever since she’d kissed the charcoal drawing of Josie, it only reminded her of the embarrassment of that moment. She chose a warm purple lip gloss instead. Next, she put on her long, black trench coat inside her room. That way, her parents wouldn’t see her tummy peeking out from under her T-shirt. After all, she was breaking their cover-your-midriff rule for the first time. 

By the time she got downstairs, Jacob was already gone. Her parents had retired to the family room, and she wasn’t sure what to tell them about where she was going. She’d imagined leaving with Jacob somehow. What excuse had he given to go to the party? 

“Hi, Mom, Dad.” She entered the family room hesitantly. “Did Jacob leave already?” 

“About an hour ago.” Her father put his newspaper down and looked at her over his reading glasses. “Where are you going?” 

“I’m meeting up with Jacob. He didn’t tell you?” 

“You’re going to watch his ball hockey game?” 

“Yeah,” she said nervously. Again, the lie didn’t feel good. She hated lying but the desire to get to the party was overpowering. 

“Well, that’s nice,” her mother said. “Are you going to grab pizza with them after too?” 

“Uh-huh, so, I gotta go.” She left the family room as quickly as she could. Once outside, she took a deep breath. Nervous didn’t even begin to explain how she felt. She was going to a party. With friends. It was as if someone had pulled her out of her life and dropped her into someone else’s. When she reached Nancy's house, she paused. Hadn’t she seen this before? What teenage movie didn’t have the loser show up at a party, only to be humiliated? How many times had she watched, willing the character not to walk inside? How stupid had she been to come out here without Jacob to protect her? She turned around. She should go home.

“Hope?” Maya called out, and she turned back slowly. “It’s in here.” Maya was motioning her inside. Squeezing her nails into her palms in her pockets, she walked toward the house, but her legs felt wobbly. “Come on,” Maya encouraged. 

She hopped from one leg to the other in the cold October evening. Out of sheer manners, she hurried up the steps and into the house. Inside, there was talking and laughter coming from an adjoining room to the foyer. 

“It’s fine, leave your boots on. Nancy's parents don’t care.” Maya pulled her by the coat sleeve into the kitchen. 

“Hope!” Nancy said, as if they were old friends. What the hell was happening? “Get Hope a drink,” their hostess said to Maya, who quickly poured a pink drink from a sloppy, ribbed pitcher. 

“Daiquiris,” Maya explained. She should tell them she didn’t really drink, but the way they looked at her, as if she was one of them, she couldn’t do it. Instead, she lifted the glass to her lips. It was sweet and sticky, and warmed her to her core when she swallowed. 

“Good, eh?” Nancy asked. Hope nodded and took another sip. “That’s so cool that your brother’s dating Josie.” Again, Hope's response was to keep drinking. “Does Jacob have any hot friends you can hook me up with?” 

“You’re such a slut,” Maya teased her, and Nancy laughed. “Don’t mind Nancy. She’s just lonely cause her boyfriend goes to boarding school.” 

“You have a boyfriend?” Hope asked. 

“You can never have too many boyfriends.” Nancy winked at her, and Hope's face flushed. Nancy was an attractive girl. Her strawberry blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders, and when she smiled, dimples creased her cheeks. When had she started noticing things like that about other girls? 

“Are you seeing anybody?” Maya asked. After a moment, Hope realized the question had been directed at her. 

“N-no,” she stuttered. She bit her lip, hoping the other girls hadn’t caught it. 

“No?” Maya tilted her head to the side. “You’re pretty enough.” 

Pretty. That’s what Josie had called her. The memory came with the pull in her stomach that she was still not accustomed to, no matter how many times it happened when she thought of her brother’s girlfriend. 

“Well, maybe you’ll meet someone tonight,” Nancy said, echoing Hope's mantra for the evening. 

“Shit, we gotta go.” Maya checked her watch and downed her drink. All the girls whirled around Hope like chickens in a hen house, running from the hallway to the mirrors, to their bags, reapplying lip gloss and fixing their hair. Once all the feathers landed, they were marched out the door by Nancy, and Hope wondered for the first time where her parents were. Had they been home while they’d been drinking in their kitchen? 

“It’s just a few blocks this way.” Nancy shoved her hands into her pockets. 

Hope breathed deeply, and her breath came out like smoke in the chilly, autumn night. Maybe Nancy was right. Maybe there would be a guy there who would turn her head and make her forget all about Josette Saltzman and the feelings she wasn’t supposed to have. Tonight was going to change everything. She climbed the steps of Josie's massive house, and all her good intentions flew out the front door the moment she saw Josie again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

The front door closed, and both Josie and Lizzie turned to see who had come in. 

Jacob looked annoyed, and Josie looked at him curiously before returning her attention to the door. It was Hope. A smile swept over her face. 

Hope pulled her jacket off and tossed it onto the armchair where there was already a stack of coats. At the sight of her outfit, Josie's mouth went dry. Her gaze swept over Hope's body, and something stirred deep in her core. That was until Jacob put his arm around her and doused the flame inside Josie like a bucket of ice water. She shirked out of his grasp and started toward her guests. 

“Hey, come in!” She made sure to give each person a hug, saving Hope for last so that she could talk to her. When she turned to Hope, it was like she was looking at a different person. Josie had always found her pretty, but tonight she looked…amazing. She was smiling with a confidence that Josie hadn’t seen in her before. When she put her arms around Hope, the embrace was short, but she left her arm around Hope's waist for an extra moment, just to feel her body against her. 

“Let’s get a drink,” she said in her ear. Hope didn’t say anything, but followed her to the keg. When she went to hand Josie her ten dollars, Josie waved it away, making it clear that she wouldn’t be paying for the beer like everyone else had to. “I didn’t think you were coming.” Josie filled a cup from the keg and held it out to her. 

“Why do you say that?” Hope accepted the red cup of extra foamy domestic lager. 

“Every time I asked Jacob if you were coming, he said he didn’t think so.” 

“Every time? I only found out about the party from Maya.” Hope gestured in Maya's direction with her cup. Josie glanced at Maya and Nancy. They hadn’t just arrived at the same time. They’d come together. Was Hope friends with Maya now? She’d seen them sitting together often enough in biology. In fact, every time she hurried to class to be Hope's partner, Maya beat her to it. They were always working together on assignments too. Was this something she should be worried about? For a moment, she thought of pretending to herself that she didn’t know what she was thinking, but what was the point? She was jealous. 

“I told Jacob we were having a party almost a week ago.” Why hadn’t he told Hope about the party? She’d only asked about a dozen times if Hope would be there. 

Jacob was watching them, and he seemed irritated. He turned away when he caught her gaze, and joined the group of guys in the kitchen who kept stealing her parents’ liquor. She and Lizzie had given up on trying to stop them. She’d wanted to invite Hope personally, but if she asked and Hope said no, she would have been crushed. It was better to have Jacob ask and save herself the embarrassment. 

Hope had come though, and she looked incredible. She wanted to tell her how good she looked, but she couldn’t find the words. Her own skin-hugging, teal dress with the halter neck that left the entirety of her back exposed couldn’t even compare to Hope in jeans and a T-shirt. 

“Well, thanks for having me.” Hope looked around awkwardly. She was trying to fill the silence Josie had created. 

“Thanks for coming.” When another silence greeted them, she drained her cup of beer and began to fill another. 

“How many of those have you had?” Hope asked. 

“This is only my third.” She didn’t want to get drunk too quickly, but Hope made her nervous as hell. 

Plus, if she passed out early enough, she would miss the portion of the night where she was expected to fool around with Jacob. The few kisses that they’d had since he asked her to be his girlfriend had been much like the first two, and continued to fail to elicit any sort of reaction beyond revulsion from Josie. His mouth was too big, and it often felt like he was trying to swallow her whole face with his wet kisses. She had allowed him to put his hand on her chest over her shirt, and felt dirty when he had squeezed her there. She would never let it happen again, no matter what was expected of her. 

That had been her only reservation when Lizzie had suggested the party. She had to face being with Jacob again. Although it seemed inevitable, she hoped it would be some other time in the future, and that the future would never arrive. When she’d returned to school and learned that she was Jacob's girlfriend, she’d been shocked. It made her wish that she’d taken the numerous calls she’d ignored from Dana after their fight over her Twitter post. 

Jacob had certainly interpreted their conversation how he’d wanted to, but what was the point in saying anything about it? It would only hurt Jacob's feelings, and besides, she wanted everyone to think she liked the boy who liked her, instead of crushing on his sister. 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

“Sure,” Hope said into her cup. 

“Have you been avoiding me?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“At school. Ever since I came to your house to do that assignment, I feel like you haven’t wanted to talk to me.” This was the moment of truth. She’d wondered a few times since that night if Hope had somehow smoked her out. If she had maybe looked at her too covetously or stayed in that hug longer than she should have. 

“Um, I guess that I just kind of felt stupid.” 

“About what?” Hope looked down into her cup and swirled the remnants of it. 

“When you called the next day and Jacob went over to your house, I thought that you were calling for me, but you weren’t, and then Jacob came home and said you were his girlfriend, and I just…I don’t know. I guess I thought we were becoming friends, and then realized we weren’t.” Her heart beat faster in her chest. Did it bother Hope that she was with Jacob? Calm down.

“Can’t we be friends even if I’m Jacob's girlfriend?” She hated the sounds her mouth was making. She hated being Jacob's girlfriend when the person her body responded to was right in front of her. 

“If that’s what you want.” 

“It is.” Josie refilled their cups. When had she finished the last one? She was so nervous. She didn’t want Hope to walk away. “Come on, let me show you around.” She ignored some surprised looks as she took Hope's hand in hers. The warmth of Hope's skin felt so good against her own, and the sensation washed over her as they walked together. 

She slowed her pace as much as she could, wanting the feeling to last as long as possible. It was a large house, and she took her up the far staircase. Anything to prolong this connection. She swore her feet weren’t hitting the floor. Hope's hand fit perfectly in hers, and she tugged her down the hallway. 

Finally, they reached her room, and she begrudgingly released Hope's hand. She’d been too selfish with it already. Why couldn’t her brother’s hand feel that way in hers? Why did everything he did to her feel like an invasion? Once inside her room, she closed the door softly behind them. The air in her bedroom seemed somehow thicker, heavier, and it was hard to breathe. She took a few steps away from Hope to sit on her bed, then tapped the covers for Hope to join her. Hope did so hesitantly, sitting on its edge. 

“Hope, what you said downstairs…” She hesitated. How could she explain things without giving herself away? “That day when I called, I was calling for you.” 

“You were? Why?” Josie looked into her endless blue eyes. 

“I wanted to hear your voice,” she said, then turned her head shyly. 

“Oh,” Hope said softly, and Josie wasn’t sure what the sound meant. “That day that you came over, I had a really good time, even though I was sick and gross.” Hope chuckled self-deprecatingly. 

“I didn’t think you were gross. You should have seen me when I got sick. I had a Kleenex hanging out of my nose for three days.” 

“No, you didn’t.” Hope laughed. 

“I did. Don’t tell anybody. I have a reputation and all.” Josie gave a conspiratorial giggle. “You looked adorable though.”

Hope's face flushed at her words. 

“Are you blushing?” she asked, emboldened by alcohol and the hope that she was right. 

“No.” Hope looked down quickly. 

“Oh…cause if I make you blush, that’s okay,” Josie said, wondering why she was suddenly feeling so brave. When Hope didn’t answer, Josie put a hand to her cheek and turned her face toward her. “I need to tell you something.” 

She swallowed and closed her eyes before opening them again, preparing herself for the worst. “I really shouldn’t tell you this, but I like you.” There. She said it. Out loud. To the last person she promised herself she ever would. The world didn’t stop turning, but her heart dropped to the floor when Hope just looked at her wide-eyed and said nothing. 

“What do you mean?” Hope finally responded, and it looked like the blood had drained from her face. Josie lost her resolve. She was lucky that Hope hadn’t picked up on her true meaning. 

“I mean that I think we should be friends. You know, hang out.” 

“Suddenly everybody wants to be my friend.” 

“What do you mean?” That wasn’t the reaction she’d expected. “I noticed you came in with Maya Machado and Nancy Graham. Is something going on between you and Maya? You’re always sitting with her in biology now.” Josie asked the question that had been plaguing her since Hope first arrived. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Like, I guess you’re friends now?” 

“I guess.” Hope shrugged. 

“Do you think she’s pretty?” Had she lost her mind? Why was she asking her that? Hope didn’t say anything, but the almost imperceptible nod of her head told Josie everything she needed to know. “And Nancy?” Why couldn’t she just shut up? 

“I guess, yeah.” Jealousy burned in her chest again. Funny, she never felt this way when she saw Jacob talking to other girls. She was happy he had a distraction. 

“Do you think I’m pretty?” She asked what she’d really wanted to know. Hope looked down. 

“You…You know I do.” Her chest warmed with a different sensation. She wanted Hope to say more, so she pushed her. 

“Do you think they’re prettier than I am?” Hope's breath hitched before she answered. 

“You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.” Josie grinned wildly at her words, but it was short-lived. “I bet Jacob loves your dress.” Her heart fell. 

“I didn’t wear it for Jacob.” 

“Wh-who did you wear it for?” Hope bit her lip, and Josie's focus followed the motion. Don’t do it. Don’t kiss her! It was all she could think about as she stared at Hope's lips, especially the lower one. How would it feel in her mouth? Somewhere deep down, her muscles and nerves tightened. She had never been wild about kissing, but when she looked at Hope, it was the only thing she could think about. 

It was crazy and stupid and reckless, but the only thing she could see were those lips. With great effort, she dragged her gaze away, and rested it on her neck. Hope's heart beat rapidly, pulsing in her vein. 

“Josie, what are we doing up here?” Hope's voice was throatier than usual. 

“Have you ever had a hickey before?” she asked, her voice matching the huskiness of Hope's. 

“Why are you asking?” 

“I want to give you one.” Josie swallowed. “Friends do it all the time.” It wasn’t really true, but she had to be close to Hope in some way, and this seemed less insane than trying to kiss her. Lizzie had told her that some of the girls on the hockey team had given each other hickeys at a party one night the year before, and although the story had been repeated with some distaste, Josie didn’t care. “It’ll be our secret,” she promised. 

Hope didn’t say anything, and Josie was sure she’d made a huge fool of herself, but then Hope turned her head up to expose more of her neck. Josie seized the moment, her stomach quivering violently as she leaned forward. With her fingers, she slowly moved the lining of Hope's shirt to the side, exposing the skin between her neck and shoulder. 

She pressed her lips to the surface of Hope's skin. She was warm, and had that same salty taste Josie remembered. She added a little pressure, and began to lightly suck the skin. A little piece rose into her mouth. 

A soft vibration, a moan, caught in Hope's throat, and it reverberated all the way through Josie. 

Incensed by the sound, she swept her tongue over Hope's neck before she slowly released it with regret. She didn’t want to overstay her welcome in Hope's space. Already, the spot was an angry red oval where the blood vessels had burst. The mark would have to stay hidden, but it would be there just beneath the surface. Although Hope's brother claimed her in public, that mark clandestinely claimed Hope for her own. The thought sent an odd sensation through her. 

When she pulled back, there were questions in Hope's eyes. She looked confused, but there was something else there as well. Her pupils had dilated, and for a moment Josie allowed herself to imagine Hope might be feeling something akin to what she felt, both of them breathing hard, their faces still just inches apart. 

A sound startled them, and they pulled apart abruptly. It was male laughter coming from the hallway, and Josie was terrified for a second before the door next to her room opened and closed, followed by the sound of his stream. 

“The washroom.” She exhaled in relief. 

“We should probably go back downstairs,” Hope said. Did the flush of her face match the shade of Hope's? She wanted to argue, but Hope was right. They’d been gone long enough already. 

“Remember, this is our secret,” she said, and Hope nodded. Josie slipped from the room, her lips still on fire where they’d been scorched by Hope's skin.


	12. Chapter 12

What the hell just happened? Hope took a few minutes to breathe, to compose herself. Josie said it was just something that friends did. Without having had any friends before, she really couldn’t confirm or deny that, but she doubted that anything between two friends should feel the way Josie had just made her feel. 

When Josie's lips found her skin, her entire body came alive at her touch. She was on fire from head to toe. She moved trembling fingers through her hair, letting it loose and pulling it forward over her shoulders. She adjusted the neck of her shirt, remembering with a jolt every place where Josie's lips had touched her. She closed her eyes and imagined Josie's mouth on her skin, and it was as if she could feel it all over again. 

Her body was still on fire, and when she pictured Josie's lips on her, there was a responding tug low down in her abdomen. She’d never met anyone like Josie before. So confident. So beautiful. Where a lot of girls their age were just coming into their bodies, Josie already looked like a woman. She had curves and breasts and her skin was tight and flawless from her head to her toes, a lot of which was visible in that alluring dress. She was attracted—very attracted—to Josie, and it terrified her. 

The music downstairs changed to something loud and obnoxious, reminding Hope that she needed to return to the party. When she was finally able to calm her breathing, she picked up her beer and left the room, her legs shaking. She found Josie in the kitchen, doing shots of something dark with her friends. Jacob was with her, but his arm wasn’t around her. Hope didn’t dare approach her with Lizzie, Dana, and the rest of the popular crowd flanking her. Instead, she made her way over to Maya. 

“Hey, where’d you go?” Maya asked, and Hope was surprised she’d even noticed she’d left. 

“I was just looking around.” 

“Yeah, it’s a great place, eh?” She downed the rest of her beer. “Refill?” 

For the next half hour they talked and drank, although Hope was more holding her cup than drinking from it. It was amazing how people didn’t try to leave whenever she arrived now. Instead, people were actually including her in conversations. So, this is what it felt like to belong. This was what it was like for Jacob when he walked into a room. No fear. No shame. She tried to ease up and laugh at the jokes people around her told, even when they weren’t all that clever, but she kept her attention on Josie and Jacob. 

Hope had barely finished her second drink, but Jacob had at least five, which was probably more than she’d seen him drink before. She’d entirely lost count with Josie. Jacob should slow down if they were going to make their eleven o’clock curfew without their parents killing them, and if he was too drunk to remember that, she should tell him. Before she could pull Jacob aside as she’d planned, he slipped farther into the group in the kitchen, and returned with a new bottle of some kind of clear liquor. When had he started drinking this much? Is this what he was always like at the parties she’d never been invited to? He poured generous helpings from the bottle into both his and Josie's red beer cups. They were across the kitchen from her now, and she couldn’t hear what they were saying to each other. 

She pushed through the crowd, and realized too late that she had walked in on an argument. 

“I don’t want to drink anymore. I feel sick.” Josie turned her head abruptly from the cup. 

“Just chug it,” he said. “It’ll be gone in two seconds.” 

“Yeah, chug it, Jo,” Dana encouraged from the other side of her. Why were Josie's friends encouraging her to get piss drunk when she’d clearly had more than enough already? Was she the only one who wasn’t completely hammered at this party? Josie looked into the glass, and Hope's throat constricted. 

“Don’t drink it.” She heard herself say, above Josie's friends’ encouragement. 

Josie paused and looked at her through one eye. The other one was squinted shut. Dana gave her a loathing look before setting her sight back on Josie. 

“Josie, Josie, Josie,” she began to chant. Jacob and Olivia joined in. She noticed that Lizzie, though standing right there, didn’t try to stop her. Josie's friend Alyssa was there too, neither aiding nor preventing Josie from doing anything. With a smile at hearing her name being chanted, Josie finally slung the drink back. Some of it leaked down the side of her mouth and down her chin. Her triumphant grin lasted only about five seconds before her face dropped. 

“I’m going to be sick.” She rushed from the room. Her friends and Jacob laughed behind her. 

Hope went around the other way, dodging several party-goers, and reached the washroom just as the door closed in front of her. When she tried the handle, it was locked. After a few moments, she heard the unmistakable sound of someone retching her guts out. Hope couldn’t help her disgusted scowl as she listened to the splashing inside the toilet, audible even from outside the door and over the loud music. The toilet flushed and the sink ran for a minute before the door opened again. 

“Oh, hey.” Josie looked surprised to see her. Her hair had been redone and she smelled of mint now. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah. You need the washroom?” 

“No, I came to see if you were okay.” Josie's gaze met hers. Both of her eyes were open again, but there was a hollowness in them that made Hope's stomach drop. “Are you okay?” 

“Why do you care?” Josie sounded angry. Accusatory. It wasn’t like her. 

“I j-just wanted to make sure you were okay. You’ve had a lot to drink.” Josie looked off in the direction of the party. 

“Where’s Jacob?” Hope's heart sank. 

“Still in the kitchen, I think.” She wanted to stay quiet, to take Josie's words for what they were, an admission that she wanted to be with Jacob and not her, but she couldn’t stop herself as her emotions took over. “Why do you have friends like that? Who don’t care about you? When you got sick, they laughed.” Josie shrugged. 

“That’s what people do at parties.” 

“But none of these people care about your well-being. Doesn’t that bother you?” 

“What do you want me to say, Hope? This is my life. This…” She gestured around her, as if to include the entire party. “This is what’s expected of me.” 

“And Jacob? What does he expect from you? He’s trying to get you drunk.” For a moment, she didn’t think that Josie would answer. She had definitely crossed a line, but to her surprise, Josie leaned against the bathroom doorjamb and lowered her voice. 

“I don’t know, but I don’t want to do anything. Not tonight.” Hope took a step closer to her, and reached her hand forward, taking hold of one of Josie's arms, her body blocking the movement from anyone else who might have been watching. 

“Josie, you’re drunk, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, even if you think it’s expected of you.” Josie used her other hand to briefly squeeze Hope's, then she pried Hope's fingers off of her and dropped her hand. Without another word, she sidestepped Hope and went back to the kitchen. She should just leave well enough alone, but she couldn’t. She followed Josie back to the kitchen as well. When she entered, Josie was back with Jacob. 

“It’ll only take five minutes,” he said. “I’ll be fast and no one will even know we’re gone. Please,” he groaned. “I’ve been hard all night just looking at you.” Josie looked as sickened by Jacob's words as Hope felt. 

“I don’t wanna go up with you. I don’t feel well.” 

“Come on, you barely have to do anything.” For the first time in her life, she was embarrassed of her brother. 

“If you want to shoot, go do it yourself.” Hope had never seen Jacob so furious, that was until he turned around and saw her standing there. His eyes turned to cold, blue stones. 

“Fucking perfect,” he growled at Hope. “Hope you enjoyed spending the only ten minutes she was sober with her.” 

“Ca-alm down.” Her voice shook as she moved herself protectively between him and Josie. She wasn’t thinking about what she was doing or how the action would be interpreted. She only cared that Josie looked upset, and that Jacob was the cause of it. “She said she isn’t feeling well.” 

“Stay the fuck out of it, Hope,” he seethed, but she didn’t move. She had to stand her ground. She used her arm to reach back and tuck Josie protectively behind her. 

“You’re drunk, Jay, take a walk,” she said. Jacob opened his mouth to argue, but when he saw that a small crowd had gathered to watch the altercation, and that Lizzie was one of them, he closed it and held up his hands in surrender. 

“Fine.” He turned away, and walked toward the keg to fill up another beer. 

“I think you should take your brother home now,” Lizzie said evenly, but Hope could tell she was pissed off. 

“No, I want you to stay,” Josie said from behind her. A hand came to rest on the small of her back, and heat rushed through her body at the contact. Josie's just drunk. They were friends, and that meant that she didn’t need to over analyze why Josie's touch felt so good. This was what it was like to fit in, to have friends, and she wasn’t going to ruin it by feeling any differently about it all than she should. 

“Shhh, it’s okay.” Hope turned around and whispered close to her ear. “I have to take Jay home. He’s acting like an ass.” 

“Will you come back?” Josie tried to whisper as she put an arm around Hope's waist, but it was more of a stage whisper that everyone around them could hear. Dana Lilien stood right in front of them, giving her a look that could peel skin from bones. Shaking it off, she turned back to Josie. 

“I can’t. It’s our curfew soon.” Emboldened by Josie's behavior and her new shaky confidence, she leaned in so close to her ear that Josie's hair tickled her lips, and she whispered, “Thanks for having us. I think that hickey’s going to last awhile.” Josie grinned. 

“I know,” she said in the loudest whisper imaginable, which made Hope laugh, before she painstakingly removed herself from Josie's grip and went to tell Jacob that, for them, the party was over.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Hope had thought of nothing but the party all weekend. Everything that had happened seemed so surreal. Her favorite part, the part she kept on a reel looping in her mind’s eye, was the hickey that Josie had given her. It had only been friendly, she’d convinced herself, so there was nothing wrong with replaying it over and over again in her head, even if it did give her insides a charge every time she thought about it. 

She arrived early to school Monday morning, not wanting to miss Josie by their lockers before class. It would be the only time she could see her before English started, and then she would be sitting next to Jacob. Finally, just before nine o’clock, Josie showed. If Hope thought her stomach had been active on the weekend, it was trying out for the Olympics now. At the sight of her, her knees did that thing where they liked to give out on her, and she put a hand on her locker to steady herself. 

Josie wore a pair of tight, faded jeans, and a yellow, ribbed T-back tank top, and Hope was sure nothing had ever looked so good. Her black messenger bag swung loosely by her hips as she approached, and when she saw Hope, she smiled. Hope's insides liquefied. Looking across the hallway as if to be sure no one was looking, Josie crossed over to her. 

“Lizzie took forever to leave the house this morning,” she said apologetically, as if they had made a date to meet, and she had been late. It made Hope's heart soar. Just maybe Josie had wanted to see her an ounce as badly as she had. 

“I thought about that…thing…all weekend,” Hope said, but she turned her eyes down in that unbearably shy manner that Josie seemed to bring out in her. 

“I thought about it too.” Without warning, Josie reached up and pulled the neck of Hope's hoodie to the side. “It’s still there,” she said breathlessly. 

“Yeah.” Hope readjusted her sweater to cover the mark. She had been hoping the hickey would stay, that she could wear it to school even though it would have to be hidden. For some reason, she hoped it never went away. 

“I’ll have to go easier next time.” Next time. She tried to respond. Her mouth moved, but no words came out. The idea of Josie doing that again made her weak. 

“I wish I could sit with you in class,” she blurted out. Probably not the coolest friend thing she could say, but Josie smiled. 

“We have biology later. Promise you’ll save me a seat?” Before Hope could answer, the bell rang, and Josie sauntered off. 

In class, Jacob passed Josie a note, and he leaned in to whisper something whenever Ms. Tig's head was turned. How much could he really have to say to her? When the bell rang, Josie left the classroom with Jacob, her arm linked through his, without even a glance back at her. In the art class that followed, Hope's still-life drawing took the brunt of her jealousy, until the pencil ripped through the page. Mr. Comte told her she’d have to start again if she wanted to master the art of pressure with different media. 

She shouldn’t be jealous of Jacob. Josie was her friend, and Jacob was… He was something else. All she’d ever really wanted was to have friends, so why was she making this harder on herself than it had to be? 

By the time she got to biology, Hope wondered if she should even bother saving a seat for Josie. The decision was made for her when Maya took the seat that had become hers over the last while. Josie's face when she entered the class answered her question though, and guilt ran through her when Josie's pretty features registered betrayal. Holding her head up high, she walked past them, but she took a seat at the lab table behind them, and positioned herself directly behind Hope. 

“Hey, Josie. Great party!” Maya said. Josie gave her a rather hateful look before turning her head toward the front of the class, ignoring Maya completely. That was odd. 

Mr. Spencer began his lesson then, so she and Maya turned back to the front as well. Why had Josie been so rude to her? Class had only just begun when something poked into Hope's back. She turned to find Josie jabbing her with a note. Hope took it and raced to open it, holding it as far away from Maya as possible without making it obvious to Mr. Spencer. 

'Why didn’t you save me a seat?' 

She responded quickly and passed the note back, her heart pounding. 

'I didn’t think you wanted me to.' 

It wasn’t ten seconds before that the note was jabbing in her back again. 

'I asked you to.' 

Hope read the note. Perhaps she had been too quick to judge Josie, but then she remembered her walking out of class arm-in-arm with Jacob. 

'You and Jacob looked pretty cozy in English. I guess you made up.' 

She passed the note back, instantly regretting it. What right did she have to say anything about how Josie acted with Jacob? Josie passed the note back, and Hope grabbed for it. 

'Don’t be like that. Can we talk after class?' 

Hope froze. What did Josie want to talk about? Whatever it was, it couldn’t be that she didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. If Josie didn’t want to be her friend, Hope didn’t know what she would do. If Josie didn’t want to see her anymore… She couldn’t even think about it. 

'Okay.' 

When Josie gave her a smile, she calmed down. Everything was going to be fine. Josie just wanted to talk. She had no way of knowing how jealous Hope had been of her and Jacob, or how important their friendship was to her.


	13. Chapter 13

The fact that her actions with Jacob had hurt Hope's feelings was obvious, but what was she supposed to do? Hope was just a friend. Jacob was her boyfriend, and as much as Josie hated it, some amount of physical affection was expected between them. 

Okay. 

Josie hung on to that word until the bell rang. She leaned forward and lightly pulled the back of Hope's hoodie. 

“Let’s go to the track,” she whispered. Maya readied her books beside them, and thankfully, she didn’t try to talk to her again. Josie had been rude, but she couldn’t help it. Maya had the nerve to take her seat next to Hope, and then talk to her about the party that she’d arrived at with her? Maya couldn’t possibly know what she’d done wrong, but Josie wasn’t about to explain it to her. 

Hope waited for Josie to get her things in order before they left class together. Josie motioned with her head toward the far staircase that led out to the back field, the one people rarely used. They didn’t speak in the stairwell, but once outside, Josie gave her a smile and nodded toward the bleachers. Hope followed, and they sat on the top bench. The days had started cooling off, and Josie wished she’d brought some gloves with her as she pulled the sleeves of her sweater over her fingers and clenched them inside the material. 

She wore a black leather jacket, and the cold moved through her where her jeans touched her legs. Atlanta was beautiful in the fall. From the bleachers, they could see over the treetops of the ravine. The leaves had started to change colors, and it was a gorgeous landscape of canary yellow, pumpkin orange, and bright, crimson leaves, with the crisp autumn blue sky as the backdrop. To her right, the cars drove along the tree-lined street. The air was cool in her lungs, but it had the smell of the changing season that was upon them, and she breathed it in deeply. There were a couple of boys running laps on the track, but otherwise they were alone, and far from earshot of anyone else. 

“Tell me now why you didn’t save me a seat.” She reached into her bag for a can of Diet Coke. After opening the can and taking a sip, she offered it to Hope. The idea that Hope was going to put her lips where Josie's had been seemed incredibly intimate, and she watched her closely as she took the can and sipped from it. 

“I don’t know.” Hope scuffed the concrete with her running shoes. “I guess I didn’t really think you wanted me to.” 

“If we’re going to be friends,” Josie began cautiously, “then we need to set some ground rules.” Hope looked up, panicked. “Relax.” Josie nudged her, trying to act much calmer than she felt. 

Who was she kidding? She didn’t want to be just friends with Hope any more than she wanted to set her own hair on fire. “I just mean that we need to start taking each other at our word, for starters.” She accepted the Diet Coke back from Hope and took a sip to buy herself a few seconds. She was always so nervous around her. “If I say that I want to sit with you, then I mean it.” Hope nodded, but said nothing, and it seemed like she was struggling with something. 

“Why did you ignore Maya in class?” she finally asked. Josie took another sip of pop, trying to think of a good response. “I guess I was just pissed that she was in my seat.” 

“Your seat?” Hope's voice lifted. Was that hope she heard in it? 

“Yeah.” Josie gave her most dazzling smile. “My seat.” 

“Oh.” Hope looked down between her legs, but she was smiling too. “So, um, that thing you did at the party… I’ve never done that before.” 

Josie had been on the receiving end of hickeys over the last couple of years, but she’d never given one, and the sensation of getting them from guys could not compare to how it felt to give one to Hope. When she’d pressed her mouth to Hope's skin, it felt like her entire world was expanding. 

“I’ve never done that to someone before either.” Hope met her eyes then, and Josie couldn’t stand the questions she saw in them. Hope might ask something she couldn’t answer, and she didn’t want the conversation to take a bad turn. “So, when are we going to go to the art gallery?” she asked, abruptly changing the subject. 

“You still want to go?” Hope's concern was replaced by excitement. 

“Of course.” 

“H-how about Friday? After school?” 

“Jacob asked me to watch his football game Friday,” she said with all of the disappointment she felt. “Apparently there’s a party afterward or something that he wants me to go to. Are you going?” she asked hopefully. 

“No.” 

“Oh.” Josie paused. “Well, why don’t you come?” 

“I don’t know. I didn’t really…well…I kind of think people act like jerks at parties.” 

“But we could go together. Please.” Hope seemed to mull it over for a minute. 

“Okay,” she agreed. “But if people are acting like jerks, I’m going to leave.” 

“Agreed, and if you’re not sick of me after that, we could still go to the AGO on Sunday.” 

“I could never be sick of you.” Hope averted her gaze quickly, but the words twisted in Josie's stomach. “I have church on Sunday though.” Was that regret in her voice? 

“Oh, right. Well, maybe another time then, but you’ll come Friday? For sure?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay.” Josie smiled and stood up. “I’m going to go grab a smoke with my friends, but I’ll see you in law.” 

“Okay.” Hope stood as well. 

Josie started to walk away before turning around. “And, Hope?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Don’t bring Maya to the party this time.”

* * * * * * * * *

Dana, Olivia, and Alyssa were already outside, standing with Lizzie and her friends. The sight made her pause. Usually they waited for her to approach Lizzie's group. A few months ago, they never would have dared engage Lizzie without her, but they’d all been at the same high school for a while now, so maybe they’d gotten more comfortable around the older students. The fact that they’d all been hanging out together at Josie's party probably helped as well. 

“Hey.” She entered the circle between Dana and Lizzie. 

“Hey, Jo,” Lizzie said through a stream of smoke. “Want a DuMaurier?” 

Dana pulled a pack of cigarettes out from her pocket. “She likes Belmonts.” She handed Josie the cigarette she’d just started, and lit a second one up for herself. Did she prefer Belmonts? The truth was she didn’t think she really liked either of them. “They seem to be the only thing she’s sucking on anyway.” Josie's cheeks grew warm. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dana laughed and blew smoke out of the side of her mouth. 

“Apparently, Jacob came down with a case of blue balls Friday night.” Olivia laughed as well, and Alyssa smiled nervously, looking a little shocked that Dana had said that. Josie shared her sentiment. 

“Jacob wouldn’t say that,” she said through her teeth. 

“He did.” 

“Then he’s a dick.” 

“I bet he wishes you’d been thinking more about that word Friday.” Josie let two long streams of smoke out of her nose, trying to rein in her anger. 

“Jacob was loaded,” Lizzie cut in. “He wouldn’t have even been able to get it up,” she said, saving Josie from having to explain why she’d intentionally avoided being alone with Josie all that night. 

“Oh, I hate that!” Dana turned to Lizzie fawningly, and Josie pulled hard on her cigarette. Since when did Dana think she had the right to talk to her that way? To mock her in public? If Lizzie hadn’t spoken up, would it have gotten worse? Would she have actually had the audacity to ask her why she hadn’t hooked up with Jacob? Would she have asked if something was wrong with her? Did she know? Josie's heart began to race. 

No, there was no way anyone knew. No one had seen Hope's hickey, and Hope wouldn’t have told anyone, right? Had she shown Maya? Had Jacob seen it? She shook her head, dispelling the thought. She was just being paranoid. 

“Josie?” 

“Huh?” Lizzie had asked her something. “Sorry, what?” 

“Have you spoken to Jacob since the party?” 

“Oh, yeah. We had class this morning. Everything’s all good.” Lizzie eyed her suspiciously for a second before she spoke. 

“Good.” 

“Where were you earlier?” Dana asked. 

“What?” She’d heard her, but she was buying time. Was it worth it to lie? 

“Where were you at the beginning of lunch?” 

“I was with Hope.” 

“Jacob's sister?” Lizzie asked. 

“Yeah.” 

“Why are you hanging out with her?” Dana probed, disapproval clear in her voice. 

“Why do you care?” Josie countered. Dana sucked in her cheeks as if she were going to say something, but then let out a long breath instead. 

“I don’t.” Her words didn’t convince Josie, but she wasn’t looking for a fight. 

“Good.” 

“I just don’t know why you want to be friends with her,” Dana whined, and Josie realized what might actually be happening here. Just like she’d been jealous of Maya taking Hope's attention, Dana might be jealous of losing hers. 

“She’s my boyfriend’s sister,” Josie said, feigning contrition, “but you’re still my bestie.” Dana smiled and her eyes brightened. 

“That’s all right then.” She shoved Josie playfully, and Josie smiled, letting out a deep breath. She’d evaded a cannonball there. 

“Getting in good with the in-laws already, eh?” Lizzie teased, and Josie laughed. It was easier to laugh than to explain to herself why that comment made her sick. It had always been easier to play along, do what was expected of her, and not try to break the mould. After all, Lizzie had spent so long making it for her.


	14. Chapter 14

It seemed like Friday would never arrive, and Hope spent every night between Monday and Thursday lying in her room, playing her favorite Sarah Bareilles album, and drawing and painting everything that came into her head, except the image of one girl who was torturing her. 

The hickey Josie had given her was almost completely gone. When it faded away, she was sad, but it didn’t diminish the imprint that Josie left on her heart. Her feelings were confusing and she didn’t understand them. She had nothing to compare it to. No one she had ever known before made her feel the things that she felt when she was around Josie.   
Hope didn’t know what it all meant, and she dare not put a name to it. 

Jacob had seemed suspicious that morning when he found out about her plans for the evening. After he’d told his parents that he would be home late, she said she would be as well. When he asked why she was coming to see him play, she’d lied and told him that it was just something to do. She felt bad lying to her brother, and even worse knowing that it was his girlfriend she was going to see, and not him. 

The bell finally rang to announce the end of school on Friday, and Hope ran to her locker to drop off her bags and pick up her army green, canvas coat. The game was about to start, and Josie had told her at the end of law class to meet her at the bleachers. Her heart sank when she reached the stands and Josie was already surrounded by her friends. Of course she’d be there with them. What had she expected, that Josie would be sitting all by her lonesome somewhere, just waiting for her to arrive? The invitation to her had been an afterthought, even though Hope had ludicrously acted like it was some sort of date. Her cheeks fired up as she stood there, indecisive as to whether she should move to the front rows where there were empty spaces on the benches, or if she should just go home. 

“Hope, over here!” At the top of the bleachers, Josie waved her over. She was flanked by Dana on her left, and Olivia on her right, but Josie leaned over and said something to Olivia, who moved over with something akin to a scowl. Josie waved her over again. She took a deep breath and walked up the bleachers to where they were. 

“Come sit here.” Josie patted the recently vacated spot on the bench beside her. Hope made her way slowly over to Josie, nervously stepping over Dana, the backs of her legs brushing against Josie's knees as she sidled in beside her. “You made it.” Josie smiled and nudged her knee with her own before whispering, “I’ve been looking forward to doing this with you all week.” Hope focused on the field as Josie's quiet admission drilled into her solar plexus. 

Right from the start, the game was boring. Their school wasn’t superb at sports, and football was no exception. It was a preppy school, and the students simply weren’t that dedicated or athletic. After the first hour, which brought about the end of the first half, Hope's hands were numb, and if it hadn’t been for the inherent warmth that flowed through her just from being near Josie, she would have gotten up and left. 

She tried to pay attention when Jacob was on the field, but being next to Josie was just way too distracting. 

“Are you cold?” Josie asked when she heard Hope's teeth chatter. “Hang on a sec.” She rummaged through her bag and pulled out a small blanket. She spread it over their legs. Dana looked over and narrowed her eyes, but Josie didn’t seem to care. “How’s this?” she asked. 

“Better.” Hope smiled. Hope wasn’t really one for blankets, but as soon as Josie had put it over their legs, her body had moved closer as well. 

Josie's thigh pressed flush up against her, and her whole body caught fire at the contact. She was not prepared for the physical overload that rushed through her when Josie's hand began to move along the top of her leg. She darted her gaze to Josie questioningly.

“You’re freezing,” she whispered. Hope tried to catch her breath, but her heart was pounding in her ears. What Josie was doing was so strange and so good at the same time. 

Josie moved her hand down Hope's thigh to her knee, then began the slow journey up her inner thigh. She stopped breathing altogether. She was afraid to move. Afraid of how good it felt. Afraid that if she so much as breathed, Josie would stop touching her. Her fingers were tracing higher and higher until they were only inches from her center, the heat from her skin permeating through her clothing as if there wasn’t anything between them at all. 

Hope's breath caught and Josie pulled her hand away. She cleared her throat, and Josie's hand did not return to her leg. 

Did Josie even realize what she had been doing? More time had passed in the game than she’d thought, and when everyone started to get up around her, she realized the game was over. They’d lost twenty-one to three. Great. Jacob was always a big baby when they lost. She’d been told that the party was going to be at Karl's house, and thankfully it was only a few minutes’ walk, because she was getting mighty cold without Josie beside her anymore. 

When everyone started to make plans to walk over together, Josie made sure not to leave Hope out. “You’ll walk with us,” she said to her. “The guys will meet us there after they shower and change.” 

“Thank God,” Dana said, and the others laughed. On the sidewalk, Hope walked alone behind Dana and Josie, who gave her an apologetic glance over her shoulder. To her surprise, Lizzie Saltzman stepped up beside her, and the weight of the moment settled in her stomach. 

“So, you’re my sister’s new BFF?” Lizzie asked. 

“What?” 

“Josie.” She nodded her head in her direction. Josie looked back at them questioningly, but did nothing to intervene. They were out of earshot, and Lizzie knew it. “She gets bored a lot and finds things to entertain her.” 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Hope said quietly. 

“You’re Hope Mikaelson, right? Jacob's twin?” Hope nodded. 

Lizzie Saltzman knew her name. That was unexpected. The kids up ahead of them turned up a walkway into an old brick house, and she let out a sigh of relief. They were almost there. 

“Don’t get too used to this, is all. When she’s done with Jacob, she’ll be finished with you too.” Hope stopped walking just before the door. “Come on.” Lizzie pulled on her arm and brought her inside. “Might as well enjoy it while it lasts, right?” With that, she left her in the foyer. 

Lizzie's words, so callous and so candid, made Hope realize she should leave. Lizzie was right. She could feel it in her bones. She’d known all along that whatever interest Josie seemed to have taken in her wouldn’t last. How could it? It was astonishing it had even gone on this long. What had she been thinking? This was Josie Saltzman. She and Lizzie were fucking royalty at their school, and Hope was just some loser. 

“Hey.” Josie's voice pulled her out of her musings. “What was Lizzie saying to you?” A cold beer bottle was pushed into her hand. 

“Nothing.” Hope took a sip. It was strong and bitter. 

“Hey,” Josie said again, softer this time. “What did she say?” Josie waited a moment, but when Hope didn’t respond, she continued. “Whatever it was seems to have upset you. I know Lizzie, she can be…unkind.” Had it been unkind, or was Lizzie just being honest with her? 

“It’s fine.” She took another sip of her beer. It really was awful. People drank this stuff for fun? 

“Well, whatever she said to you, I’m sorry.” Hope looked into her deep, brown eyes. They were soft and sincere, and she wished they were somewhere alone together, not standing at some party with all of these people around them. Was it normal always to want to have your friend to yourself? 

“I think I should go.” 

“Come on, we just got here, and I want you here. If we’re going to be friends, then people are going to have to get used to seeing us together, right?” Josie gave her that easy smile. “Come over and talk to some of my friends. They can be nice once you get to know them.” 

When Hope made no move to go with her, Josie pouted, sticking out her bottom lip. 

“Please? For me?” Hope smiled involuntarily. 

“That’s not fair.”

Josie grinned in return. “Of course it is.” She laughed. “Now, come on.” 

Being dragged around by Josie Saltzman did have its advantages. For one, everything they drank was free. No one stopped Josie from taking their alcohol or sharing it with Hope, and no one ever tried to leave a circle once Josie entered the conversation, so Hope never had to worry about who to talk to next or what to say. She was close enough to listen to what people were really saying too. 

Sure, Josie received a lot of compliments, but the jealousy behind most of them was barely veiled. Josie smiled at all of them and moved the conversation along quickly, but did she know what was really being said? How calculating these people were? As Josie's invitee, she became nothing more than a decoration, an accessory to Josie's outfit as she moved them around the room from group to group. The entire time they were there, she wasn’t sure that they’d been part of one sincere conversation. 

“That’s a cute shirt, Hope,” Dana said to her, and she was floored that Queen Lilien had lowered herself to speak to one of her subjects. It was the first time she’d ever bothered to acknowledge her presence. “I don’t know why people say discount buys aren’t worth wearing, it suits you so well.” 

There it was. Hope caught the knowing gleam in Dana’s eye. How tactfully she’d insulted her. This was certainly new, and much less painful than the meme she’d posted of her stuttering on Twitter, but it was a jibe just the same. 

“Your blazer looks better though,” Josie said. “I used to have one just like it last year.” Hope smiled. 

So, Josie knew how to play the game as well. If Dana had a retort, it died on her lips when Jacob and the rest of the football team came booming in the front door with a cooler full of booze, shouts of payback on their lips about their next game against Northern. The first move Jacob made after dropping the cooler in the kitchen was to seek Josie out and plant a kiss on her mouth. The sight of it made Hope's stomach twist uncomfortably, and she turned away. Jacob looked her way and nodded, but said nothing before turning back to Josie. 

“Let’s go outside.” 

“It’s cold,” she said, looking down. 

“Come on, I’ll give you my coat.” He took her hand, and gave her his most charming smile. It seemed to have the desired effect on Josie, as she gave him a small one of her own, and allowed herself to be pulled from the group and out the sliding door at the back of the house. 

The second Josie left, Hope became completely indifferent to the conversation around her. Truly, she wasn’t even listening anymore. She had only come for Josie, and now that she had left, she just wanted to be home by herself. What was she doing there if Josie was off with her boyfriend? She looked up to see Dana appraising her and fear rushed in to her gut. As unimpressed as she was with Dana, her insults still hurt. Why did Dana hate her so much? She didn’t even know her. The smile that played on Dana's mouth worried her. 

“Where’s the bathroom?” she asked no one in particular. Thankfully, Alyssa pointed to a hallway far away from where they stood. When she reached the door, it was locked. She really did need to pee after one beer and a Hard Lemonade, so she went upstairs in search of another washroom. She turned her nose up when she found it. Someone had thrown up in the sink. She spritzed some room spray, and opened the window, finally able to breathe. 

After she’d emptied her bladder, she spent a long time looking at herself in the mirror, asking herself what she was still doing there. Was this what she wanted? To follow Josie around like an adoring pet, just waiting for someone else to find her presence annoying and send a little kick her way, as Lizzie had? She had no business there, in a house full of people who couldn’t care less about her. Downstairs, they were all enjoying their party, blasting music that she didn’t even listen to, and getting drunk with the hopes of hooking up. She’d always thought she had no friends because she was weird and unlikeable, but was it possible that she’d never met anyone she wanted to let into her life? Until Josie. 

There was something different about Josie. She was confused about everything that had to do with her, and she longed to be home with her paper and charcoal. Her fingers itched to cast her feelings onto a page. She took a good look in the mirror. She didn’t recognize herself anymore. Who was this girl? Despite being unpopular, she’d at least been confident about who she was. She knew what her beliefs were, what was and wasn’t important, and exactly what she wanted from her life. Now, she wasn’t so sure. 

There was a knock at the door, and Hope cringed. She didn’t want to see anybody. 

“Just a second.” She let out a long breath, and took a moment to tuck her hair behind her ears again before she opened the washroom door. 

“Hope?” 

“Josie? Oh, sorry.” She moved to step outside, but a light hand to her shoulder stopped her. “I thought I saw you disappear up here.” Josie entered the washroom and closed the door behind her. 

“I thought you were outside.” 

“I was. It was too cold though. Did someone say something to you?” 

“No, I just had to go to the washroom, okay?” She winced at her own vitriolic tone. “I’m sorry,” she continued. “I just don’t know how to act around your friends. Around you.” 

“Being yourself is a good start.” Josie smiled, and a lock of wavy brown hair fell in front of her eyes before she tucked it back. “I want to get to know you better.” 

“I’m worried that you won’t like who I am.” 

“I already do.” Her words caused that familiar tug in her chest. How long could Josie do these things to her before putting her into cardiac arrest? Can someone my age die of a heart attack? She imagined the headlines. 

“There’s something about you, Hope. I want to be near you, and when you’re not around, I can’t stop thinking about you.” A slow grin pulled at Hope's mouth. “Wow, that smile is worth every confession.” Hope had thought being close to Josie at the game had somewhat satisfied her craving for her, but it had only whetted her appetite. Being close to her caused an aching deep inside, and she moved closer. 

She closed her eyes and took in Josie's sweet, fruity scent, and the knot in her stomach tightened. “I think about you too.” Hope's heart jackhammered against her ribcage. 

What was she saying? Was it possible that Josie felt that strange pull as well? Hope bit her bottom lip, nervous about her admission. Josie's eyes dropped, as if drawn in by the movement, and then they went dark. Hope's gaze moved to Josie's lips. She wanted Josie to kiss her. Her desire shocked her. There was no way that was going to happen. No way that standing there in front of her, Josie could possibly be thinking the same thing. 

She stood still, immobile, her gaze still locked on Josie's lips. She held her breath when Josie slowly leaned forward. What was she doing? Josie closed her eyes, and a moment later, her beautiful, soft lips connected with Hope's. 

Hope's eyes widened a moment in surprise before she slammed them shut. The sensation of Josie's lips moving against hers made her head spin, and she moaned softly into Josie's mouth. She didn’t have time to be embarrassed or question if she should pull away, because Josie's hands were on her, holding her face and leading her further into the kiss. 

Josie's kiss moved deep in her abdomen. When her tongue sought access inside her mouth, she parted her lips to let her in. The butterflies in Hope's stomach went wild. Josie's mouth was warm and soft, and her tongue stroked the top of Hope's like velvet. Her body came alive with each caress of Josie's tongue, the sensations flashing through her like bolts of lightning. She had never tasted or felt anything so perfect in her life. A small part of her screamed that she was kissing another girl, but the rest of her didn’t care if the world fell down around them and burned to the ground, as long as Josie kept kissing her. 

Josie gently began to stroke Hope's cheek with her thumb, her other hand sliding back and moving through her hair while the kiss continued. The ache inside Hope grew. She needed every available part of herself to be touching Josie in some way. Bolstered by Josie's actions, Hope circled her arms around Josie's waist, and rested her hands in the small of her back. Josie groaned against Hope's mouth and moved her hips forward against her, connecting with her own. There was a responding pulse between her legs. It was too much. She pulled her mouth away, gasping for air, her heart and lungs stifled with the weight of her desire. 

Josie's eyes focused slowly before she spoke. “Hope, I–” 

Whatever Josie was going to say, Hope never found out, because Jacob opened the door to the bathroom, and they quickly jumped out of each other’s arms. 

“What are you guys doing up here?” he asked, and not in his usual good-natured way. “Lots of people are asking for you.” He turned to Josie, and Hope sucked in her lips, hoping they didn’t look as hot as they felt. 

“I…I was just coming down,” Josie said and left the room, not looking back at Hope before she slipped past Jacob and headed down the stairs. 

“What’s going on with you?” Hope asked him, and hoped he couldn’t hear that she was still out of breath from kissing his girlfriend. 

“What’s going on with you, Hope?” His tone made her not want to venture any further into that topic, and she didn’t try to stop him when he turned and left the room. 

Did he know something? How could he? Up until just moments ago, there hadn’t really been anything to know, but now she held the Pandora’s Box of secrets. She took a minute to compose herself after her brother left, locking the bathroom door and leaning against the counter for strength, because she wasn’t sure how much longer her legs could hold her up after that kiss. Now she understood what the big deal was about kissing. 

Hope had never felt anything so good, so mind-blowing in her life. Josie had a way of making her feel as if she was just waking up to who she was, of showing her everything that she hadn’t realized she’d been missing from the world. She tried to catch her breath, but she inhaled Josie's scent, and the oxygen tapped on the door of every one of her cells as it passed through her, letting everyone know that it was time to wake up. Nothing could feel as good as that kiss. The only thing that could compare to it was making art. 

It was as though she and Josie were a canvas, and every time they spoke or touched, another stroke was added to the painting, completing the parts of her that she didn’t know were blank until Josie filled them in. She couldn’t stay there any longer. She didn’t belong there, not with what she had just done, with what she was feeling. There was no denying her feelings for Josie anymore. Everything she feared was real. She was falling for Josie so fast her head spun. She couldn’t let anyone see her like this. She couldn’t stand it if she had to go back down the stairs and watch Josie and Jacob play girlfriend and boyfriend while her heart broke. 

No, after that kiss, there was no more pretending. She knew what she wanted, knew how badly she wanted it, and she needed to face the consequences of her feelings. Without a word to anyone, she slipped down the stairs and out of the house. As soon as she hit the sidewalk, she broke into a run. She was desperate to get home to her sketchbook, where she could unleash the power of her feelings once and for all. 

Could Josie have been right all along? Could it be possible that this wasn’t wrong if it felt so right? If it wasn’t wrong though, why did she feel so guilty about it? She had kissed her brother’s girlfriend. Wasn’t that some kind of adultery? Wouldn’t it be in God’s eyes? Josie always looked miserable with Jacob though. 

At first, she’d thought it was just some kind of wishful thinking on her part, jealousy of her brother. Had she actually been seeing the truth in those moments? If Josie liked Jacob, then why did she always leave him to be with her? 

Hope pulled out a large canvas and grabbed her paints, fighting with the tops of her acrylics and straining to steady a paintbrush. 

Josie had kissed her, and one thing was for sure, there was no going back after that kiss. No more pretending. No more misunderstanding. She had feelings for Josie. Romantic feelings, and despite her effort to deny them, they were real. 

That night, she painted with abandon, trying to get her emotions out of her and onto the canvas, but the more she painted, the deeper they grew, and she realized that no matter what she did, no matter how much she painted, they might never go away.


	15. Chapter 15

Josie waited nervously behind the portable. 

The note that she had passed Hope at the end of class only said not to go far, that she would come find her, and that she needed to talk to her. She’d fought the urge to call her all weekend, fearing that Jacob would pick up or listen in on their conversation again. She had kissed Hope. She had abandoned her fears and doubts and kissed her. The second her lips had connected with Hope's, she felt like she had finally found what she’d been looking for, without even realizing that she’d started the search. Nothing had ever felt so amazing in her entire life. 

After Jacob interrupted them, she’d floated through the rest of the evening, still high on the taste of Hope's kiss. The feeling had stayed with her, carrying her off to sleep and blissful dreams, but when she woke up Saturday morning, all the dread that had been looming just on the periphery of her joy found a way in. 

How long had it taken her to notice that Hope had left the party that night? She couldn’t remember, seeing as she’d been in a kind of fugue-state. Was Hope upset? Had she spent the rest of the weekend regretting what had happened between them? 

Hope hadn’t pulled away, but had she wanted it the same way Josie did, or had she simply been too surprised to stop it? What Josie believed to be reciprocation from Hope, her mind had turned into doubt over the weekend, and she’d driven herself crazy. Half the time her stomach twisted in fear, and the other, it flipped in excitement. She couldn’t stand the assault any longer. She had to see her. Had to talk to Hope and find out what she was thinking. 

Relief washed over her when Hope finally showed up after what seemed like hours. She looked from side to side as she approached. 

“What happened to you Friday?” Josie asked impatiently. 

“I wanted to go home.” 

“Did what happened upset you?” Hope met Josie's gaze, and she shook her head. Josie let out a sigh of relief. 

“I wouldn’t kiss Jacob after that,” she said, for some reason needing Hope to know it. 

“So, you weren’t just drunk…when we…you know?” Hope looked doubtful, and Josie found her adorable. 

“No.” She shook her head. “I wanted to do it. I liked it.” 

“I…” She looked down at her feet. “It was wrong what we did.” 

Josie's heart fell into her stomach. “What do you mean?” 

“What we did,” Hope said again, her eyes still downcast. “It’s wrong.” 

“Why?” Josie moved her hand to Hope's cheek, forcing her to meet her wounded expression. “Why is it wrong?” 

“I’m not supposed to like you like this.” 

“But you do?” Josie's pulse quickened again. 

“I’m not supposed to though.” Josie shook her head. She wouldn’t let Hope talk herself out of this, not if she had the same feelings she did. 

“Hope, when I kissed you,” she began hesitantly, “it felt right. Didn’t you feel it? I don’t feel that way when Jacob kisses me. It feels wrong when he does. But this…” She took Hope's hand and closed it between hers. “This feels right. How can something that feels so right possibly be wrong?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Did it feel wrong at the time?” 

“No, I guess it didn’t. It felt really good actually.” A small smile curved on her lips. 

“It did.” Josie returned her smile. “I would like to spend more time with you. Get to know you better.” Hope looked at her hand, still clasped warmly, affectionately, in Josie's. 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’ve never felt this way before.” Hope's words moved through her. 

“Let’s just spend some time together and see what happens.” 

“At parties?” There was hesitation in Hope's voice.

“No.” Josie shook her head. “Not with all those people. Not when Jacob's there. I want to see you alone.” Hope searched her eyes for a moment. 

“We could go to the gallery,” she said. Josie latched onto the idea. 

“When?” 

“Whenever you want.” 

“This weekend,” Josie said quickly, “and it can’t come soon enough.” Hope allowed her smile to show fully now. 

“No, it can’t.”

* * * * * * * * * *

The AGO was packed that Saturday. The colder weather seemed to bring out the culture in people, and they shuffled in wearing leather jackets and trench coats, scarves around their necks, and gloves or mittens on their hands. Josie turned around, taking in the expansive gift shop and vaulted ceilings. She should do things like this more often. She was getting older now, and maybe it was time she did more than just get drunk at parties and have sleepovers with her friends. 

Frank Gehry’s glass addition certainly was something to behold, and more than anything she wanted Hope to arrive so that she could share it with her. She waited for Hope just inside the doors, a knot in her stomach in anticipation for her date. 

It’s not a date.

Still, that couldn’t wipe the smile off her face. This was the first time she would see Hope without anyone else from school around. Every time she’d thought about it throughout the week, she got a little giddy. She couldn’t remember being as excited for anything since Christmas as a kid, before her dad had too many scotches and told her she was too old to believe in Santa, and that they wouldn’t be celebrating anymore because they didn’t have the time to put up decorations. 

Hope walked in the door, and her presence moved through Josie's body. Everything else around her faded into the background. The whole world stopped, and when Hope looked at her from across the room, it was as if the floor became quicksand, and everything keeping them apart dissolved until they came together, and the space between them disappeared. 

“Hi,” Hope said. Suddenly, all of the sights and sounds around her came back into focus. 

“You made it.” 

“Yeah.” Hope smiled. God, there was nothing Josie liked more than that smile. 

“Have you looked around?” 

“No, I was waiting for you.” 

“Okay.” Hope unzipped her coat and loosened the black scarf around her neck. “I guess we need my membership to get in anyway.” She pulled it from her pocket. “Ready?” 

“Definitely.” Hope showed her card at the door, and they were handed pamphlets on the current exhibit. 

“Did you want to purchase the extra admission for forty dollars?” the woman behind the counter asked. 

“It’s Francis Bacon,” Hope said, almost breathlessly. There was no mistaking the excitement in Hope's eyes, but the name meant nothing to Josie. 

“Do you know her?” Sarah laughed. 

“Francis Bacon is a guy.” 

“Oh.” 

“He’s one of my favorite artists.” Josie smiled and didn’t hesitate to pull two twenty dollar bills from her wallet. “That’s a lot of money,” Hope whispered from beside her. “You don’t have to.” 

“I want to.” Hope didn’t say anything else as Josie paid and received the receipts for their exhibit purchase, but as soon as they crossed the barrier into the heart of the gallery, Hope pulled on the sleeve of her leather jacket. 

“This means a lot to me.” The sincerity in Hope's eyes took Josie's breath away. How something so simple could touch Hope so deeply resonated in Josie's heart. 

“I want you to have the best day you’ve ever had here.” 

“I already am.” Those simple words had Josie walking on clouds as she followed Hope into the first room. She stopped in front of a painting that looked like speckles of autumn. It was like an abstract painting meeting a landscape, and even for someone who wasn’t an art aficionado, it was quite beautiful. “Do you know the Group of Seven?” Hope asked, looking back at Josie. 

“Yeah, they’re Canadian, right?” 

“Yeah, they’re also all from around here.” 

“Really?” 

“Pretty much. Most of them taught at ACAD.” 

“What’s ACAD?” Hope's smile fell slightly. “The Atlanta College of Art and Design. It’s actually a university now. It’s the best art school in Atlanta. I want to go there.” 

“Cool.” Josie grinned at the idea of Hope in art school. 

“Where is it?” 

“Across the street.” 

“What? Really?” She looked back, but they were too far from the main doors now to see outside. 

“It’s on this side.” Hope pointed to their left, as if seeing through the wall. “There’s two buildings right across from each other. Did you see the big building that looked like a chessboard standing on top of giant pencil crayons?” Josie laughed. 

“Yeah, that was a cool building.” 

“That’s the newest addition. It was modeled off another building in the States.” 

“How do you know so much about it?” 

“Cause I’ve wanted to go there for, like, ever.” 

“That’s awesome.” 

“Do you know where you want to go to university?” Josie paused. 

“Isn’t it a little early for that?” She hadn’t given it a single thought. 

“I guess.” Hope walked down a few paintings, and Josie followed. This time she stopped in front of a soft looking, snowy mountain. “This is Lawren Harris. He’s one of my favorites. The last one was Tom Thomson. He died mysteriously one night in Algonquin Park,” Hope said with a teasing raise of her eyebrow. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, it’s a cool story actually.” Hope moved to keep walking, but Josie grabbed her arm. 

“Tell me.” 

“You sure you want to know?”

Josie laughed. “Why, is it going to scare me?” 

“No.” Hope returned her smile. “But it’s long.” 

“Tell me while we walk around then.” Josie had her hands in the pockets of her jacket, and she popped her elbow out invitingly. Hope looked at her arm, then into Josie's eyes questioningly, and slowly laced her arm through the loop Josie made with her elbow. Josie warmed at the contact. “So, tell me what happened to old Tom Thomson.” Hope took the lead, guiding them from room to room, interrupting her story only to relate anecdotes or information on other paintings as they passed them. 

It was incredible how much Hope knew about art. She was in her element, and it was an amazing thing to watch her come alive more and more as they worked their way deeper into the gallery. Josie had never really given much thought to art or artists, but being there with Hope, seeing it through her eyes, made it truly beautiful. 

When they reached the doorway of the Francis Bacon exhibit, Hope stopped and turned to Josie. “I have to warn you,” she said seriously. “When we go in there, I am going to turn into a gushing, fawning fool.” The idea made Josie smirk. 

“I can’t wait to see it,” she told her earnestly. 

“Okay, but I warned you.” Hope surprised her by putting her arm back through hers. Josie grinned and handed their ticket receipts to the lady at the front, who handed them each a radio pack with a single earphone. 

“It starts at painting one and goes through the rooms,” the older woman explained. “Have fun, dears.” 

“Here you go, dear,” Josie joked as she handed Hope her radio and headphones.

“Thank you, dear,” Hope quipped in turn, and accepted the accessories. “I don’t think I’ll use it though.” 

“Why not?” Hope's smile brightened. 

“I already know, like, everything about him. He’s my favorite artist, remember?” 

“One of them,” Josie corrected. “That’s what you said.” 

“You were listening.” Hope's eyes softened. “I can tell you about him, if you like.” Josie took Hope's radio and hers back to the front and dropped them back in the bin, then returned quickly to Hope's side. 

“I’d love to hear it from the expert.” 

“Hardly.” Hope laughed self-consciously. “But I’ll try to give you your money’s worth.” 

“Seeing you like this, right now, you already have.” The look that swept over Hope's features was so sincere that Josie had to turn away. When she shifted her gaze to the wall, she was somewhat horrified by what she saw. The painting was literally quite shocking. “Oh my God,” she breathed. 

“Yeah.” Hope made a mask of her features again, picking up her didactic tone from before. “He’s pretty dark.” 

“Uh, that’s an understatement. Was he crazy or something?” Hope tilted her head to the side. 

“I don’t know. What makes someone crazy?” 

“Painting shit like this.” Hope scrunched up her forehead, but it was playful. 

“Let me tell you a little about him, and then you can tell me if you think he was crazy or not.” 

“Okay, but something tells me I’m going to have nightmares after this.” 

“The first time I saw his art, I had nightmares. That was just in books though. I can’t believe we’re here. That I’m really seeing this.” She turned to Josie, and the mask slipped again for a second. 

“Thank you.” Josie swallowed. Seeing Hope so raw was too much. She hadn’t anticipated how much any of this would mean to her. For Josie, she’d just wanted to see Hope. She couldn’t have foreseen how much she would learn about her just from watching her absorb their surroundings. “I’m glad you could see this.” She said sincerely, then pretended to look around in confusion. 

“I paid good money for a tour. Do you know when it starts?” Hope pushed her shoulder playfully, and began walking ahead of her. 

“Francis Bacon was born in the early twentieth century to an Irish family in England.” Josie listened to Hope the whole way through the exhibit, but she wouldn’t have been able to repeat a single word of what Hope was trying to teach her. Sure, she’d wanted to hear Hope speak about one of her favorite artists, but she couldn’t look away from Hope long enough to really take in any of the paintings on the wall. 

When she thought Hope could feel her staring, she would turn her head toward the work she was speaking about, or nod her head as if she understood the lesson, but all she could think about was how Hope was glowing. Hope became energetic and lively when she explained the style of the brushstrokes and the influences on the artist. She was enthusiastic as she described the media used in each piece of work, and Josie enjoyed seeing her shine in front of the canvases, but it wasn’t until they reached the portrait of a man that Hope's words really caught her attention. 

“This is George Dyer. They met when George here broke into Bacon’s apartment, and Bacon caught him in the act. He became his lover, and soon after the fixture for most of his later work.” 

“Whoa, wait.” There was a jolt in Josie's stomach. 

“He was gay?” 

“Y-yes.” 

“Wow.” Okay, that hadn’t been the coolest response, but Hope's favorite artist was gay? Josie's heart sped up. If she could be okay with him, then maybe… She had to stop her own thoughts there. She liked Hope, but that word, gay, for three letters, it suddenly seemed so big, so ominous, and she couldn’t bring herself to attach it to her own feelings. 

“Josie, are—”

“Sorry, yeah, go on.” Hope walked from that painting to the triptych beside it, and rushed over the meaning behind the piece, but Josie's head was still whirling. When they reached the end of the exhibit, Hope led them to the next room that housed Canadian First Nations and Inuit art. She stopped them in front of a gigantic totem pole. 

“This was carved by Emily Carr. She was an honorary member of the Group of Seven. The only female in the group.” 

“Cool.” 

“Yeah, but her stuff is really different from theirs. Kind of doesn’t really fit in with the group’s style. Oh, I love these.” Hope rushed over to some limestone carvings behind a glass display. 

“What are they?” 

“Inukshuks.” 

“Inuk-whats?” Hope gave her a spirited smile of disapproval. 

“They were used by Native tribes to mark trails and hunting grounds. I don’t know why, but I just love them.” Warmth grew in her heart at seeing Hope talk about something she loved so much, and it hit her then just how smitten she was. “Sorry, I’m talking way too much.” Hope averted her gaze. 

“No, I could listen to you talk all day,” Josie confessed. She wanted to tell Hope how she was feeling, but struggled to find the right words. “Somehow, you and the art, you make each other even more beautiful.” 

“Josie,” Hope said her name shyly, a deep crimson rising from her neck into her cheeks. 

“I think it’s amazing how much you know about all of this. How passionate you are.” 

“Do you have something like this?” she asked. Was that pity in her voice? “Is there anything that, no matter what you’re going through, just makes you feel better?” 

“Being with you,” Josie said the first thing that came to her mind. For a moment, Hope just stood there, and Josie was sure she’d said the wrong thing, until Hope tilted her head at her questioningly, as if contemplating a deep thought, then moved quickly to her and planted a swift, chaste kiss on her cheek. She separated from her hurriedly before whispering, 

“That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.” Josie took a step toward her and lowered her voice. 

“You’re so beautiful, Hope. This place makes you come alive. If everyone could see you now, they’d see you the way I see you.” 

“I don’t think anyone sees me the way you do.” Hope's voice was quiet. “I don’t even see me the way you see me.” 

“Then I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” She tucked a strand of blonde hair behind Hope's ear, her body humming from the contact. “If you’d stop judging yourself and just let yourself be who you are, you’d see how amazing that person is.” 

“Thank you.” Hope swallowed slowly. “Come on. There’s a few more rooms I want to show you.”

* * * * * * * * * *

It was cold and dark outside when they left the art gallery. Fall was slipping into winter, and it might be time for Josie to retire her black leather jacket until the spring. It was busy outside the gallery, and Josie looked around for an idea of where to go next. She didn’t want the day to end. Away from school and her peers, Hope was a different person, and Josie felt like a different person just being around her. 

“Where to next?” she asked. 

“Oh, um, I kind of have to get home.” Josie wanted to argue, but she didn’t want to push her. If Hope got in trouble with her parents, then she might not be allowed out with her again, so she followed Hope down the stairs to the subway. 

“I could come over to your house,” she suggested. They took seats near the back of the subway. 

“I can’t tonight, it’s too late already,” Hope said, and Josie was glad to hear some regret in her voice.

“What about tomorrow?” 

“I have church.” 

“After church.” Josie was not to be deterred. 

“If you come over, Jacob will want to see you.” 

“Well, I’m sure it’d seem normal if I spent some time with both of you.” Normal. The word stung even as it came out of her mouth. 

“Yeah, but Jacob isn’t allowed to have girls over. We’re not allowed to date until we’re sixteen.” 

“Perfect.” Josie gave her a wink. “I should be able to spend most of my time with you then.” 

“Jacob will think you’re doing this so that you can spend more time with him though.” 

“Hope, I want to see you again.” Josie looked deep into Hope's eyes, and something shifted within them. 

“I want to see you too. I’ve never met anyone like you.” 

“Good.” Josie nudged her with her shoulder. “Cause I’ve never met anyone like you either.” 

“I meant mine as a compliment.” Josie laughed as she put a hand on Hope's knee and gave it a small squeeze. 

“So did I.” She smiled, and left her hand right where it was until they reached train Station.


	16. Chapter 16

Hope barely slept. When her alarm went off in the morning, she wasn’t sure that it had actually even woken her. 

Josie was coming over again. 

Josie, who had taken her to the art gallery. Josie, who listened to her like she was a real person. Josie, who, when she was with her, made her feel as if they were the only two people in the world. She’d already learned from Jacob the night before that he was joining a game of shinny, and that he wouldn’t be back until the afternoon. After the guilt ran its course, she couldn’t wait for Josie to get there so that she could be alone with her. She had actually started pacing the floor when the sound of the doorbell stilled her heart. 

Her mother welcomed Josie downstairs. She’d told her parents that she was coming over to study for a biology test, and was astounded when no one asked her any questions about it. God bless her trusting parents. 

Josie's speedy footsteps were on the stairs and Hope stared at her door, waiting. When she opened the door to her bedroom, Hope caught her breath. 

“Hey,” Josie said, almost shyly. 

“Hey.” Hope couldn’t keep the smile from her face. “You’re here early.” 

“I couldn’t wait.” Hope had a candle and some incense burning. “I hope you like vanilla.” 

“I do. It smells like you.” Josie closed the door behind her, a grin on her face. 

“Jacob's playing shinny for the next hour or so, and your mom thinks we’re doing homework.” 

“I know.” Hope moved nervously to the bed. It wasn’t like there was anywhere else to sit in her room. She looked up at Josie expectantly, and realized she should have done some planning in all of the obsessing she’d done the previous night. Now that Josie was there, she had no idea what to do with her. “You want to listen to some music?” 

“Sure.” Josie walked over and took a seat on the bed next to her. It was just like they’d been sitting on Josie's bed before she gave her that hickey. Her abdominal muscles clenched at the memory. “So…” Josie swung her legs, looking much more like a kid than Hope had ever seen her. “What are we going to listen to?” 

“What do you want to listen to?” 

“Surprise me.” 

“Okay.” Hope took her iPod from her nightstand. “Do you like Joni Mitchell?” 

“Seriously?” 

“Oh…sorry, yeah, she’s old, and–” 

“Hope.” Josie put a hand on her arm before she could find a new artist. “I love her. My parents listen to all that old music. Joni Mitchell, Billy Joel, jazz. I love that stuff. It reminds me of when I was a little kid. I’m just surprised you like her. Kind of not what I pictured you listening to.” 

“I like listening to some old stuff when I paint. Joni Mitchell and Pink Floyd are two of my favorites.” Hope selected Blue, her favorite album, and turned the volume up as the first guitar chords sounded out. 

“Cool.” Josie got up and went to the floor, where she settled herself on her back. “Can you pass me a pillow?” Speechlessly, Hope acquiesced. Josie put it behind her head. “Come listen with me.” Josie patted the space of floor next to her. Hope swallowed and got off the bed. 

Instead of lying alongside Josie's body, she moved to the other side of the floor, so that their feet were facing opposite directions, but their heads were next to each other. Josie moved over so that Hope could share the pillow with her. For a long time, neither of them spoke. 

Every ember in Hope's body started a slow burn. She was on the floor of her bedroom, listening to Joni Mitchell with Josette Saltzman. If someone had told her on the first day of school that this was what she would be doing a couple of months later, she never would have believed them. She closed her eyes and let the music and the feeling of having  
Josie with her move through her body. It was scary, but kind of perfect at the same time. That’s when “A Case of You” began to play. It was her favorite song, and she turned to Josie. 

Her eyes were closed as well, and she was taking deep, labored breaths. “Do you know this song?” she asked her. 

“No,” Josie said, her eyes still closed. “I like it so far though.” 

“Are you okay?” 

“Mmm-hmm.” Josie swallowed. She opened her eyes but focused on the ceiling as Joni Mitchell launched into the first chorus. “I’m just a little nervous.” Oh God. She was already anxious enough for the both of them. If Josie was nervous too, could that mean she was feeling a fraction of what Hope was? 

“You are?” 

“A little.” Josie turned and looked into her eyes. “It’s strange. I’ve never really been nervous with someone before.” 

“Why not?” 

“I don’t know. I guess I just never much cared what any guy thought of me, you know?” Hope didn’t want to admit that she’d never been with anyone in any kind of intimate way, so she just nodded until the true meaning of Josie's words registered. 

“But you care what I think?” 

“Well, yeah.” Josie knocked Hope's shoulder playfully with her own, clearly attempting to lighten the mood. Hope didn’t know how she was supposed to respond to any of this. She had never felt so awkward with someone in her life, and even though half of the time she wanted to fall through the floor and die, it felt good at the same time. “How many people have you been with?” Josie asked, and the question stilled her. 

“Not too many,” she prevaricated. 

“What like three? Four?” Hope was aghast. 

“No.” She shook her head. “The other night…that was my first kiss.” Why did I tell her that? To her relief, Josie smiled. 

“As far as I’m concerned, it was mine too.” She let out a long breath. “I wish it had been.” 

“Why? The only reason I’ve never kissed anyone before is because no one’s ever liked me.” This honesty thing had to stop. 

“I don’t think that’s why.” Josie's gaze dropped to her mouth. “Maybe it’s because you hide underneath all of this dark makeup.” She pointed to her lips. “How is anyone supposed to see how pretty you are?” Josie asked, and the words both cut and excited Hope. 

Josie's expression softened. “I mean, how am I supposed to kiss you without getting the evidence all over me?” Hope's heart pounded in her chest. 

“You want to kiss me?” Josie nodded, and Hope ached inside. 

Josie hoisted herself up a little, shifting herself back on her elbows, and when she looked into her eyes, something stirred deep within. She swallowed and bit her lip. Josie's eyes followed the movement before she slowly leaned in. This time, Hope was ready for the kiss, and she closed her eyes as Josie's lips gently met hers. Josie's mouth was warm, and when it moved against hers, she tried to match the same slow rhythm. 

Josie's hand slid into her hair, cupping her scalp beneath the pillow, and with gentle prodding, she eased Hope's lips apart so that she could slip her tongue inside her mouth. 

Josie moaned as Hope granted her access, and there was a fluttering in Hope's stomach before something tightened down low in her abdomen. Her kiss tasted of strawberries, and when Josie began to pull away, a soft whimper escaped her own throat. She opened her eyes, and Josie was looking down at her, a strange, soulful look in her eyes. 

“Hope, I thought I told you not to burn that stuff!” Her mother’s voice came booming out in a huff, and the stairs creaked beneath her step. Josie jumped off of Hope and turned to the wall, wiping furiously at her mouth as the black smears of Hope's lipstick stained the backs of her hands. 

Hope's breath caught when Josie lifted her turquoise tank top, exposing her tight, toned stomach, to clean her face with the edge of her shirt. Hope wiped her mouth quickly, just before the door opened. Her mother took in Josie's blackened tank top and looked between them suspiciously. 

“What’s going on in here?” Hope stabbed out the incense stick. 

“Hope was showing me how to draw,” Josie said quickly. It was as good an excuse as any to explain why they were both covered in black gunk. 

“Well, stop burning that stuff,” her mother chided. “Josie, will you be staying for lunch?” 

“No,” she said quickly. Too quickly for Hope's liking. “I have to be home. My mom’s expecting me.” Her mother nodded and left, but she left the door open behind her this time. Josie let out a relieved laugh. 

“You have to stop wearing that lipstick,” she said to her. 

“I’m sorry about that.” Hope was careful not to stammer. “I don’t really get a lot of privacy.” 

“Don’t worry about it. But maybe we could go out somewhere next time?” Hope paused. Josie wanted to go out with her again? “Anything you’re interested in other than the art gallery?” She said the first thing that came to her mind. 

“Have you ever been to Halloween Haunt?” 

“At Wonderland?” Hope nodded. 

“It’s on until Halloween.” Josie lowered her eyebrows. 

“I didn’t think you’d be into that.” 

“Why?” 

“Well…like, cause of God and stuff.” Hope let out a small laugh. 

“Have you been? It’s amazing. Like a living art piece.” 

“I haven’t. It kind of looks like it’s for little kids.” Hope shook her head vehemently. 

“You can’t even get in if you’re under thirteen. Honestly, it’s nothing like you’re imagining, if that’s what you think.” 

“Well, it sounds like I’ll have to see for myself and decide.” Josie took out her phone and opened her calendar app. “Can you go this coming Friday?” 

“Really?” Hope couldn’t keep the smile from her face. Josie returned it easily. 

“What time does it start?” 

“Seven.” 

“It’s a date.” Hope's response died on her lips when the front door opened and closed and Jacob called out that he was home. Had Josie been there that long? With her, hours seemed to go by in minutes. “I guess I should go.” Josie looked down, but she needn’t have bothered as Hope couldn’t meet her eyes anyway. “I’ll try to call you later.” She hurried from the room. 

Jacob greeted Josie at the top of the stairs and asked if she was ready to sneak away to his room. Josie made a point to repeat that her mother was expecting her for lunch, and that she couldn’t stay long, but she went with him anyway, and the door closed behind them. Hope sat immobile on her bed, unable to move or practically even breathe. The idea that Josie was doing anything with Jacob like what she’d just been doing with Hope tore her heart apart. 

When Josie called goodbye to her parents, Hope wondered how long she’d been in Jacob's room. She checked her watch only to realize that she didn’t know what time Josie had left her room. Was it long enough for them to have kissed? Josie didn’t call her that night, and part of Hope was glad, because she couldn’t begin to understand her feelings, or how, in so little time, Josie had come to mean so much to her.

* * * * * * * * * * * * 

It was a cold night even for October. Hope blew on her hands, trying to infuse some warmth into them as she waited for Josie. It was just before seven o’clock, and without a cell phone, she really had no way of knowing if Josie wanted to cancel or would be there on time. Josie could stand her up, and she’d probably stand there waiting for her like an idiot all night. Half of her didn’t expect her to show. Why would she? Then again, a theme with Josie seemed to be that she was always surprising her. She hadn’t expected her to show up at the art gallery either. Sarah had felt something different that afternoon, something she had never felt before, and she still couldn’t quite explain or understand it. 

Being with Josie often left her feeling that way. There was this incredible excitement at just being around her, but there was also this underlying calm in her presence that she had never known before Josie. Like whenever she was with her, that was exactly where she was supposed to be. Kind of like how her father said he felt about being in church. 

“Hope!” From just inside the gate, Josie gave her a brilliant smile. She was wearing a yellow and white stripe shirt. Her silky hair was down, and flowed neatly over her black winter coat, which had a brown, fur-lined hood, and was rather form-fitting. Underneath, she wore tight black leggings that led into charcoal grey, comfy looking boots. How could Josie make a hat and jacket look so enticing? Her cheeks warmed at how attractive she found her. 

“Hey, come on, I can’t come back out, but I’ve got your pass.” Josie held up a lanyard. She had paid for their passes already? That hadn’t been part of the deal. Was she supposed to pay her back, or had Josie meant her words, was this really a date? Hope went through the metal detector, and Josie met her at the gate. She handed the attendant the lanyard to scan, and Hope was let in. 

“Are…are those skeleton key passes?” Hope was embarrassed just asking in case she was wrong, but they sure looked like them. 

“Yeah.” Josie smiled and leaned in, placing one over Hope's neck. “I thought it’d be better if we didn’t have to stand in line all night long, and look, it gets you into secret rooms and stuff in the haunted houses.” She pointed to the card that was attached to the lanyard. 

“Josie, these are really expensive.” She’d watched with envy last year as skeleton key holders had bypassed the lines and gotten into those extra areas that the regular admission didn’t cover. They were an extra fifty dollars per pass though, and she hadn’t been able to afford one. 

“Don’t worry about that.” Josie waved away her words. “It’s my treat.” She should say something, even something as simple as thank you, but her words caught in her throat. How come everything Josie did for her made her feel like crying? “So, where do you want to start?” Josie asked, oblivious to the turmoil inside Hope. “The Louisiana Scream sounds cool, and it’s really close.” A map seemed to materialize in Josie's hands, and she pointed out the location of the haunted house. 

“Yeah.” Hope managed to steady her voice. “Let’s start there.” Before they even moved, a man dressed like a zombie came up and shouted loudly behind Josie. She screamed and turned around, grabbing her heart, then laughed when she saw him. 

“I wasn’t expecting that,” she said to Hope once the guy moved on. Hope couldn’t help but laugh at Josie's reaction. 

“There’s going to be people like that all over the place. You’re not allowed to wear costumes, so anyone you see dressed up works here. They walk the grounds trying to scare people.” 

“Nowhere’s safe then, huh?” 

“Not really.” 

“Okay, I’ll consider myself warned. Let’s head over to the Louisiana Scream.” Before they had moved ten feet, Josie pointed to an archway with tombstones and red lights. It was heavily misted with fog machines. “Let’s get a picture together.” She pulled on Hope's sleeve. When they reached it, Josie positioned them with their backs facing the sign that read Atlanta's Wonderland Halloween Haunt. 

She took her cell phone from her pocket, turned it around, and stretched her arm out in front of them. “I’m not the best selfie taker, but let’s try a couple.” Hope swallowed. What if someone saw the pictures in Josie's phone? Wasn’t she worried people would see them together and ask her what she was doing with her? That they would make fun of Josie for hanging out with her? If they did, would Josie not want to see her again? 

“Okay, smile.” Josie moved her fingers a bunch of times over the screen, then pulled her phone back to look at it. “You’re not smiling.” She frowned.

“Sorry, I just… It’s nothing.” 

“Okay, let’s try again.” This time, Josie put her arm around her waist and pulled her in close, and Hope didn’t have to fake her smile. “Let’s see.” She checked the pictures again. “Aww, look, this is such a good one.” Josie showed her the screen. For a moment, Hope didn’t recognize herself. The girl in the picture looked so…happy. 

She had worn her army green coat, but she hadn’t put on her makeup too thick in case she got in trouble because of the costume rule with her black makeup. Her hair was pulled back, and she wore a black scarf to cover her neck. Some auburn wisps with lilac tips fell over the sides of her face. She stared at the photo, looking between her face and Josie's. 

In the picture, it almost looked like she belonged with her. 

“That’s what I see when I look at you,” Josie whispered. Hope met her eyes, and the sincerity in Josie's gaze penetrated deep inside her, as if, for the first time, someone was really seeing her. 

“Josie…” she started, but could not find the words to tell her how much this, how much everything, meant to her. In response, as if seeing her struggle, Josie slipped her phone back into her pocket and gave her one of her easy smiles. 

“Let’s go see if we can get the shit scared out of us.” Hope smiled through the tears in her eyes, but held them back. She was just going to have to get used to the idea that being around Josie made her feel good, better than she had ever felt in her life, and that if she didn’t do anything really stupid to mess it up, she could go on feeling this way. 

The skeleton keys worked marvelously, and they bypassed hundreds of people in line at the first haunted house. 

“This is awesome,” Hope said. She leaned back to see all the people waiting behind them on the other side of the regular line. It was at least an hour wait for those who didn’t have the skeleton key passes. Josie was looking at her with anticipation, and Hope wondered if she knew what she had signed up for that night. 

“Do you scare easily?” she asked her. 

“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t like scream in horror movies, but yeah, I get jumpy, I guess.” Hope's lips curled into a smile. “Just remember that you agreed to come here without any coercing on my part.” Josie's mouth turned up at the sides as well. 

“I’m sure you’ll protect me if it gets too scary.” Before Hope could respond, Josie's fingers intertwined with her own. She looked down, then around to see if anyone saw. 

“What are you doing?” she whispered. 

“It’s okay,” Josie whispered back, and gave her hand an encouraging squeeze. “Look around. Everyone is holding hands.” All through the line, there were scores of girls holding hands with their boyfriends, but when she looked closer, she saw that dozens of girls were either linking arms or holding hands with their female friends in anticipation of the scare inside the haunted house. It wouldn’t seem weird for them to hold hands that night. She smiled. It would seem normal. 

“See? I need you to protect me. I heard it’s scary in there.” Josie winked at her, and the butterflies in Hope's stomach thrashed around. She never thought that such a simple thing as having her hand held could feel so good. The warmth of Josie's touch moved all the way through her, and when Josie gave her that easy, sexy smile, her knees buckled. It was their turn to enter the haunted house. Josie squeezed her hand tighter as they entered the almost pitch blackness of it, and there was a responding tug around Hope's heart. 

“So, we just all go in together?” Josie asked as they shuffled along in the large line they now joined. 

“Yeah.” 

“How’s it supposed to be scary if there’s a hundred of us in here to—” Josie's question was cut off by her own scream, and Hope laughed. “Never mind.” 

The Louisiana Scream was incredible that year. The makeup that the actors wore inside the haunted house was sensational, as were the hiding places, and the setting. Josie squeezed her body tight up against Hope's, and gripped her hood around her neck with the hand that wasn’t holding tightly onto Hope's.

“Oh my God,” Josie said when they reached the exit. “That was fucking crazy. Did you see those people who were all twisted around the ropes and stuff?” When they’d reached the bayou bridge, there were contortionists splayed along and beneath it, reaching out in their direction. 

“Better than you thought?” Josie's hand was still firmly in hers. Hope worried she would pull it away now that they were outside, but she didn’t. 

“That was amazing. Are they all that good?” 

“That’s actually one of the best, but yeah, they’re all pretty good.” 

“I see what you mean about living art. I felt like I was inside a horror movie.” 

“The costumes are pretty amazing, eh?” 

“Uh, yeah, I’m probably going to have nightmares tonight.” They continued walking rather aimlessly, and found themselves in a huge patch of fog from the surrounding machines. Around them, zombies shrieked at unsuspecting groups of people, and they laughed when they screamed. “Are you having a good time?” Josie asked her. 

“Yeah, are you?” 

“I’m having a great time. Where to next?” Hope stopped to look at the map, then pulled Josie by the hand toward Club Blood. The line was long even for the key holders, and when they went through, it was really small. As they left, one of the vampires screamed at them to get out, and Josie laughed. 

“That one was good, but pretty quick.” 

“Yeah, I know. Let’s try Bloodshed next.” Josie took a moment to adjust her toque while her skeleton key card was being punched at the next haunted house, and to Hope's surprise, she took her hand again as soon as she was finished. This section was set up like a barn full of crazy killers, and the actors jumped out of horse stalls and troughs at them. When they reached the midway point, they were called over by an employee because of their skeleton keys and passes. They were directed behind a door, into the special skeleton key room. 

Josie was in front of her, and when she pulled the black drop cloth to the side, the employee there told them to wait behind it until they were called. They were all alone between the door and the drop cloth, and Hope couldn’t let the moment of privacy pass her by. She’d wanted so badly to hold so much more than Josie's hand all evening. As Josie waited in front of her, Hope wrapped her arms around her waist from behind, and pulled her in. 

Josie sighed into the hug and leaned her head back so that her cheek brushed Hope's. She smelled citrusy and clean, and her face was soft as their cheeks slid against each other. Nothing had ever felt as good as holding Josie in that moment. That was until Josie turned, and met her lips for a swift kiss. The curtain was pulled back then, and the employee waved them forward, but Hope had trouble getting her legs to work again. It felt so good to be with Josie. So good that sometimes she forgot that what they were doing was bad, that everything she felt for her was wrong, and that at the end of the day, the person she was slowly giving her heart to belonged to her own brother as far as the rest of the world was concerned.

* * * * * * * * * * 

They visited two more haunted houses before Josie stopped being so afraid of everyone jumping out at her, and started laughing when they chased them through the rooms. 

“Had enough?” Hope asked as they left the Terror of London. 

“Maybe, that was an awesome one though. I can’t believe they could fit all that inside there. I swear, I thought we were outside when we reached the church. ‘Have you spoken with God today?’” She lowered her voice, mimicking the question the female actor had asked them. Hope knew why she had said it, but this time the words stopped her. Josie must have noticed her hesitation, because she came around in front of her and softened her voice. 

“Hey, you okay?” 

“I just realized that I haven’t prayed in a long time.” She lowered her gaze, for some reason embarrassed to be discussing this out loud. 

“How often do you normally?” 

“Every day.” 

“Every day?” The surprise in Josie's voice was evident. Hope nodded. “Well, is that such a bad thing? That you haven’t been?” 

Hope shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I guess not.” 

“Come on.” Josie tugged at her coat sleeve. She didn’t reach for Hope's hand again. “I’m going to win a giant bear.” Josie chose the ring toss booth across the way, and wouldn’t let Hope pay when she pulled out the five dollar bill that was required for the game. 

“You have to let me pay for something,” Hope said. 

“You can buy me a Diet Coke after I win that guy.” Josie grinned as she pointed to an enormous stuffed wolf. 

When Josie tossed the first ring, she missed, and it surprised Hope. Somewhere in her head, she’d decided that Josie was perfect in every way, and the miss threw her off. So did the second, and third. Josie was quick to pull out a twenty dollar bill this time. When the game attendant handed her back the three rings and took her money, she waved off the change he tried to give her. 

“I’m going to play until I win.” The guy running the game, who couldn’t have been more than eighteen, seemed to like her spirit. When Josie leaned over to toss the rings, he seemed to like the rest of her as well. 

“So, do you have a boyfriend here?” he asked her. 

“No.” Josie's concentration was clearly on the game. She adjusted her stance and closed one eye, setting up her new aim. She threw the first ring and actually hit the bottle, but it bounced off. “Grrr, that was so close,” she said. 

“What’s your name?” the attendant asked. He picked up the fallen rings with ease. 

“Josie.” She lined up her second shot. 

“If you want the big wolf, Josie, I’ll give it to you.” Josie stopped and looked at him. She tilted her head to the side. 

“I don’t want you to give it to me.” She put the rings down. She opened her mouth to say something else, but closed it when he spoke again. 

“Give me five minutes, and I can take a break. We can get to know each other?” Hope flinched. This guy was pretty good looking, and he was hitting on Josie. 

“No thanks.” Josie took a step back. 

“Come on, you said you don’t have a boyfriend here.” 

“That’s because I’m with my girlfriend.” The word hit Hope square in the chest. Before she could process what was happening, Josie's hand was in hers again, and she was pulling her away from the ring toss booth. She walked quickly, and didn’t slow until they were around the corner and out in a space of open air between the rides and games. 

“I’m so sorry,” she said in a rush. Hope barely heard her over the blood pounding in her ears. “I didn’t mean to call you that. I just… I didn’t want to talk to him and I wasn’t thinking before I said it. I know you’re not my…” Josie paused and bit her lip, worry in her eyes. “I know we’re just friends.” 

Hope tried to force her mind to catch up to her heart. Girlfriend? She’d never really considered the word, not when it came to what the two of them were doing. It was enticing and scary at the same time, but it was the latter that won as she tried to still her heart and steady her breathing. 

“Yeah,” she said in response, “we’re just friends.” Josie's face dropped, and she turned away so quickly that Hope thought she must have imagined it. 

“I have to go to the washroom.” Josie let go of her hand and hurried toward the restroom signs. 

Something in Hope told her that she should not follow her, even though she had to pee. What had just happened? Why was everything with Josie so confusing? A woman dressed up as a giant ragdoll screamed behind her and she jumped, cursing the woman. She stomped off to sit on the ledge of the pond. Dozens of mini fountains were lit up with different colors. It was beautiful, and she wished Josie would come back so she could share it with her. Josie was upset now though. 

She’d wanted to win that big stuffed animal, so maybe something like that would cheer her up. Not too far away, there was a souvenir store. She walked toward it. Inside, it didn’t take her long to locate the huge display of stuffed animals. She was even able to find a small replica of the wolf that Josie had been trying to win, only this one was just larger than her hand, and cost just ten dollars. She paid for the wolf and went back to where Josie had left her for the washroom.

Josie was standing there, looking around, and Hope tucked the wolf behind her back. 

“Hey,” she called to her. Josie turned at the sound of her voice. 

“I thought you left.” When she reached Josie, there were tears in her eyes, and Hope's chest constricted. Why was Josie crying? 

“Did something happen?” 

“Nothing.” She shook her head. “It’s fine. You didn’t leave.” 

“Of course I didn’t leave.” She pulled Josie into a hug, but Josie quickly pulled out of it, clearly not wanting her comfort. She felt stupid for hiding the wolf behind her back, but there wasn’t much she could do about it now. 

“So,” she started tentatively. “I was waiting for you, and this guy called me over, saying he wanted to go home with you.” She pulled the little wolf out from behind her back. When tears started to spill from Josie's eyes, Hope's widened in response. “What’s wrong?” she asked, concerned. 

“Sorry, I thought you wanted it. It’s the same one you wanted to win over there.” Hope pointed back with her thumb in the direction of the ring toss booth. Josie shook her head, and wiped away the few tears that fell. 

“I wanted to win it for you, so that you’d have something to remember me by.” She sniffled then let out a forced laugh. “God, could I feel like more of an idiot right now?” 

“Josie, I don’t need anything to remember you by.” She pushed the wolf into her hands. “Now you have something to remember me though. Besides, now I actually got to pay for something.” Josie looked at the little wolf then hugged it to her chest. 

“Thank you.” She wiped her eyes and looked at her. “We should probably get going. It’s almost ten, and I don’t want you to miss your curfew.” As Josie walked ahead of her, that invisible tether between them pulled her forward. She followed, the space between their two hearts growing smaller every day.

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS NOT MY STORY, I just put my favorite characters in the story, and although I changed some essential plots in the storyline, it doesn't make it mine.
> 
> All rights and credits goes to Michelle Teichman.


End file.
